just had my first baby, but my husband is already starting to talk about #2.
First off - I come from a big family. I have 6 older siblings. In addition to my brother and five sisters, my parents also did foster care for mentally and physically handicapped kids. There were always two or three 'extra' kids around that were usually helpless as infants. Despite everyone in my family's insistence that I got more attention than anyone else, I grew up feeling ignored and largely unknown by my family members. We were spread out in age (15 years gap between eldest and youngest). I always swore I'd never do that to my kids. I wanted children in an abstract way, but was happy to adopt. My husband *really* wanted at least one of his own.
We rushed into having Logan because the timing was right money/job wise. The timing is still good for us to have another right away (hubby is stuck in a rural job where I can't work full time, so I'm a SAHM). I had a right crappy pregnancy, and am really not looking forward to doing it again. I also don't want to stay home taking care of Logan for 2-4 year then have to stay home with #2 for 2-4 years, and wrack up an 8 year SAHM stint, because that'd make me completely nutty. Some women are built for it - I am NOT.
For me - I'm happy with one baby. Honestly I never had "baby craving" to begin with, and felt no ticking of my biological clock.
For my husband - he wants three or four, and I think his interest in speeding this up has more to do with hoping he can get in a couple more before he quits his job and I start work. Never gonna happen, but I think he hopes I'll change my mind.
For Logan - I really feel like he needs a sibling. Someone to fight with, play with, share with, and grow up with... and someone to have as an ally/friend in his adult years if mom and dad are gone. Despite my childhood feelings about my siblings, have started to become closer to a couple of them (with so many to choose from, I guess I was bound to have something in common with at least one of them!) We're all so spread out in age though, that I never knew them really growing up. Also - he's unashamedly spoiled by my husbands family. He burps/farts/hums and the conversations stops so everyone can coo at him. He'll end up a real prick if he's the star his whole life. I've also seen too many 'only-child' families where the mom spends an excessive amount of time obsessing about her child well into their adult lives.
We are using attachment parenting, which admittedly is really tiring and difficult but I love the in-tune-ness that is developing with Logan. I absolutely adore my baby. He's a right pain in the arse some days, but he's the greatest thing ever. I love responding to him when he cries, and having nothing else in the world more important than him. At home he hardly ever cries, because I can hear his breathing change when he's getting upset and can respond before he even starts. At three months, we're totally in tune to each other. He gets everything from me, and I feel like he needs everything right now.
I feel like if I have another baby that bond will break. I will still love him, but I won't be able to take care of him as well. And the second baby won't get nearly as much of my focus and energy as he did. I'll have to put one child on hold to take care of the other, and they won't get as much from me. I don't have confidence that I'll be able to continue using Attachment Parenting with him and with a second child.
I'm getting conflicting advice... to wait til he's 3-4 years old and not as interested in Mommy time, or to have one immediately and get the "baby stuff" over with. But I love developing this closeness with him. I wish I'd had twins so I could do exactly that, because I'm really not made for staying home all the time. On the other hand, I know that I personally couldn't have been as attentive to two children at once. I don't want to lose my bond with Logan, or hurt him by doing it too soon... nor by doing it too late and having them so widely gapped that they have nothing in common.
Has anyone here ever used attachment parenting with two? How did it affect your relationship with your first? How could you spend time focusing on your little tiny bundle when you had an older child demanding your attention? Did you prefer one to the other?
Edited by Summer1216 - 11/13/10 at 8:41pm