Birthday invites and tact / inclusiveness.

[eirual]

DS is turning five. He wants to invite only boys to his party. Our neighbours, who he plays with often, have 2 boys and 1 girl.

I feel pretty awful inviting only the boys (11, and 7) and not the girl (9). I've told him I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that and we've talked about how he'd feel if others were all invited somewhere and he wasn't. I've suggested inviting only the younger boy, since that's who he's closest with and then there's no real leaving anyone out.

I need some feedback on this one....thoughts?

[mamazee]

For me, the standard is based on whether the person/people will feel rejected.  Where I live, boy-only and girl-only parties are common, so if someone were to invite all the girls in her class but none of the boys, the boys wouldn't feel left out because that's the culture here, and because they wouldn't feel left out, one-gender parties are cool.

However, when you're talking about four kids (including yours) who always play together, and one of the kids not being invited, it is a case where that once child is going to feel left out, regardless of the reason.  I can only tell you that if my dd played with three kids all the time and one was a boy, I'd insist she have a co-ed party and include all of them.  Three kids is a bad number for a party anyway, as someone always gets left out when there are three.

[eirual]

He's also inviting 2-3 others from his class and would like to invite some of the older boys in the area that he plays with as well (9 all together, though I'm thinking I may need to cut that down just incase everyone actually shows up!).

If he does invite her, she'd be the only girl. I don't think she'd be too sensitive over it either way, and their mom's very level-headed. I'm just not sure what's worse...not inviting someone or inviting someone just out of formality.  

[malibusunny]

My son invited all boys to his last birthday party, but still invited his best friend's sister. 

[eirual]

Okay, I think we've sorted it out...we're simplifying...only the few boys from school and the one neighbour kid he's closest to.

I told him he could have a birthday playdate with the other neighbourhood kids the next day if it was still important to him (i.e. play outside like they'd be doing anyways). Works for everyone