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Depressed, unmotivated...

post #1 of 14
Thread Starter 

Is it  just me?  This has gone beyond being zen or not zen.  I'm just so over everything and shouldn't be, because I'm not even 40 weeks until Sunday.  


I know I'm really tired this morning, so that's probably a big part of why I feel this way.  But I jut don't want to do anything.  No projects, no cleaning, even the belly cast kit sitting on the dining room table looks like too much work.


Last night I had a dream that I was holding my baby.  She was the size of a 9 month old, covered in vernix and blood, and African American!  I felt so bad that she wasn't cleaned up yet (don't know why that's always a recurring theme for me) and was wracking my brain to figure out when I had ever been with an African American man and feeling so terrible for dh that he was going to find out that it wasn't his child.  I also remember thinking in my dream that her very large size probably accounted for all the pain and pressure I've been feeling everywhere.  Silly and strange, but not really "nice".  I could've used a nice dream to help get me through.


Anyway, I think this new format is bumming me out too, because this was the one place that gave me consolation and it just feels very difficult for me to navigate now.  And everyone is popping babies out left and right and having labor near misses, and all I'm getting is lots of braxton-hicks and pressure and baby bones poking into me everywhere like I'm an inside-out pin cushion.


And just in the last few days I'm starting to get the phone calls from friends and family about if baby is here yet.  Ugh.  I just don't feel like talking to or seeing anybody.  And when I do go out and strangers ask me how much longer I have and I tell them I'm due Sunday, they say things like, "No way, you don't look big enough to be ready to deliver" and stupid stuff like that which just takes the wind out of my sails and makes me feel like I have no right to be feeling completely miserable, STILL taking zofran and hardly able to get in and out of the car like a normal person, etc.  


Anyway, I'm going to take a nap when ds goes down for his, and hope that I wake up in a better mood.  Dh is off work until next Wed, so I should be happy.  He's been trying to distract me by getting us out of the house and that's helping, but I still feel like I just want to cry.  I know in my heart that I have probably another week of this.  Seven little days.... please Lord, not more than that!


Tell me I'm not the only one?


Oh, and edited to add that today is my dad's birthday and I SO wanted to have my baby on his birthday, but feel like it's *really* not going to happen.  He will have been gone 9 yrs in March, and my mom (in my avi, holding me) will have been gone 3 yrs in December.  I just miss them both and wish they could be here to see their new grandchild.  

post #2 of 14

Julie hug.gif I'm sorry you are so down.... I can relate on some levels. I'm 40 weeks 4 days now, I probably have a lot of time left. I'm really trying very hard to embrace that but I totally understand how it feels to feel impatient, ready, waiting and watching everybody else have a lot more going on (for me it's hearing about everybody's cervix.... i have lots of activity going on but i don't know that my cervix has changed much. i can barely find it. greensad.gif) Some days I'm so antsy and impatient I feel like it's not ever going to happen.. and that makes me feel like a miserable failure. On top of that the baby isn't moving a whole lot anymore and that makes me nervous at times though through constant checking I know the heartrate is in a good range... on top of the swelling I have going, which also makes me nervous... I'm UP'ing and while I actually have really enjoyed that for the most part this pregnancy it's hard at times being responsible to myself. If something happens will I forgive me? There's a lot going through my head right now as I prep for the birth... and it makes me feel very introspective in general. I'm ready... I just hope baby is soon.


Anyway... wasn't necessarily trying to add my own ish to the thread, just wanted you to know I can totally commiserate. If you need to chat, you can message me on facebook. I'm usually around. hug.gifhug.gifhug.gif

post #3 of 14

MzMinty - you're not alone!  I haven't struggled with the physical challenges you have had this pregnancy (the nausea etc) but my mental attitude has been similar this week.  I was so zen last weekend and intellectually I know that it is much better with all my plans if baby does not arrive until a little closer to his due date (next Wed), but the wait is still KILLING me for no reason at all.  I don't even really have the excuse that I can't stand the discomfort because I was much more uncomfortable with DD and I don't really feel much different from two weeks ago.  I think it's mostly that I finalized all my plans for maternity leave, care for DD while we're at the hospital, etc. and now I'm just twiddling my thumbs waiting.  Also knowing that it's not rational at all to feel this way and that 41 weeks+ is a total possibility.


One more thing related to your post - I am 39 weeks now and have measured 33cm for the past 2 appointments (despite gaining 2 lbs last week).  Anyone who finds out I'm due next week is like "gasp, really, you're so tiny!"  Ultrasound 2 weeks ago shows baby is a decent size although on the smallish side, midwives are keeping tabs on it but not super concerned (could be positioning) but every time someone says that I don't look like I'm due next week I feel strangely disheartened, like if they tell me I don't look like I'm about to have a baby I won't.  Argh.


Hugs to you and I can understand why you're feeling bummed especially with it being your dad's birthday.  I can imagine how hard it would be to go through this without my parents' support.  


post #4 of 14

Hugs, Julie!  I can relate on the non-motivational part of your post - the only thing I want to do these days is sit on the couch and knit!  No walking, no cleaning, no organizing....not very nesty.  And there's nothing happening to me contraction-wise, either, so don't feel you're alone in that boat!


And hugs about your parents - you must miss them so much.  I wish there were more I could do to cheer you up.  hug2.gif

post #5 of 14

I was totally depressed and unmotivated during the last week or two of my pregnancy. Occasionally I'd get a burst of energy and do something, but for the most part, I was just sitting around being done. I'd aimed to have everything as done as possible by around 37 weeks since I have a history of going early, so once the diapers were finished, I didn't really have another easy, low-energy, low-brainpower project to work on if I'd wanted to.


I had a similar dream about the baby being African-American, and being totally confused by it, and then realizing that it made perfect sense because I was black myself. Which I'm very much not. It was a rather odd dream.


I also got all that stuff about not looking big enough to be full term. It's been that way with all three of my pregnancies. It definitely gets old - like lack of recognition of the fact that I definitely FELT 9 months pregnant, even if I only looked about 6 months. I suppose it's better than the person who posted that someone said she shouldn't be out in public in front of children, though.

post #6 of 14

I am sorry you are feeling this way, and I can say you are totally not alone!  I have never gone this far 'over' 6 whole days!  My friends who all went over are thinking I am just being impatient, which I am but, I am super uncomfortable and done.  Unfortunately we are dealing with pukey kids- the second in three days- and I am guessing it will have to go through everyone, so labor right now would not be fun!  I hope things get better for you soon!

post #7 of 14

hug2.gif  I'm sorry, Julie.

post #8 of 14

hug.gif Hugs Julie! I can REALLY relate to how you're feeling. I'm tired today too - had horrible sleep last night. And I'm finally coming down with the cold that everyone else in this house has. *rollseyes*


The new format here is bumming me out BIG TIME because my siggy doesn't look the same, I can't multi-quote properly and everything is slow and just looks weird. I can't even find all of the smilies to complain properly. greensad.gif


The other day I thought "within the next 3-4 weeks, I'll HAVE a baby." So no matter how long this seems to take (I'm 38 weeks), we'll have our babies soon.


I go back and forth between being a completely miserable biotch to being excited and almost (gasp!) happy.


The prodromal labor is tough. I have regular painful BHs but so far, only Monday night was hardcore false labor. I don't want to go through THAT again unless it's the real deal. I don't even WANT the real deal to be like that was.


So no sweetie, you're not at all alone. hug.gif

post #9 of 14

hug.gif Julie.  I wrote a whole reply on my iphone and have no idea where it went.  Argh!  Suffice it to say that you are completely not alone.  I've spent the last 3 days in a complete funk, feeling like this pregnancy will ever end...not to mention what kind of mw will I be if I can't even recognize real labor in my own body?  Anyway, I feeling this way at the end of pregnancy is really normal...especially as birth draws nearer. 


hug2.gif Soon you'll be posting that its your turn to have your babe!!


post #10 of 14

hug.gif I am in a funk too..... felt better about the whole being "late" etc thing this morning after meeting with my midwife.. but now Liam is sick AGAIN and I am feeling like my sinus cold is getting worse.. I go back and forth between being depressed about still being pregnant, and wanting baby to come, to NOT wanting him to come yet because I am tired and everyone in my house is getting sick again.


I can't sleep when I'm sick, and that added to the uncomfortableness of pregnancy has given me many sleepless nights the past couple weeks. I keep thinking "if I have the baby at least Aaron will be home for a week and Liam will be gone for a night and I can rest".... like having a newborn is restfull.. lol.gif


I just feel like I'm in such a limbo right now and I have nothing planned to keep me busy, and I don't WANT to do much because I am sick, but staying at home is making me go crazy.............

post #11 of 14


Originally Posted by Metasequoia View Post


The new format here is bumming me out BIG TIME because my siggy doesn't look the same, I can't multi-quote properly and everything is slow and just looks weird. I can't even find all of the smilies to complain properly. greensad.gif


Yeah. My sig now makes no sense whatsoever, and I'm having trouble figuring out how to change it.

post #12 of 14
Thread Starter 

Just  popping on here to say thanks to everybody.   I would give you each a bunch of flowers, but can't find that emoticon!  I love that I can post something and have no shame about it afterwards.  I took a nap today and felt a little better and then thought, "Maybe I shouldn't have been such a big blubbering baby on MDC", but of course came on here to find all kinds of love and support from you ladies, plus your own sharing of miseries!  I love you ladies! love.gif


Dh and I are going to go to bed early tonight (like now) so we can snuggle a little and both just get more rest.  We're both really tired today for whatever reason, even despite me letting him sleep in this morning and me taking a nap.  We did end up doing my belly cast, which was nice, and turned out ok.  It was a learning experience!  I'll post pics tomorrow.


Big, big hug.gif to everybody slogging through the waiting game, and dealing with sick kids and such!  And lots of ELV's to Ashley and any of you other mamas who pop one out tonight!

post #13 of 14

Yes. This is so where I am right now. Last night, I was sooo close to calling my MW because I had real contractions for 4-5 hours, then they. just. stopped. Nothing. I went to bed trying to not be discouraged, but I ended up just losing it this morning.

I don't want to do anything. I don't want to clean up the house, don't want to talk to anyone, don't want to get off the couch. My ankles have swollen to like 3x their normal size and it is so uncomfortable. Nothing is making it better. I did get adjusted yesterday, so I can actually somewhat walk again, but my back is so done with all this. We switched DS to his toddler bed and with that and the time change, he's been getting up at 5:45 in the morning...I'm just plain exhausted.

So, no, you are definitely not alone. I am trying my best to be positive, but it is so ridiculously hard!

post #14 of 14

hug.gif mz minty!!  i can relate as well...*sigh* glad that you felt better with your second post!

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