angry kids

[brookelynnp]

My partner of the past two years who has been in my children's lives since they were very young has recently cheated on me and left me for a man....yikes as if that is not enough she has also taken many of my children's videos and my clothes.  We found out last week that she is now engaged to the man she cheated and lied to me with and my boys are just terribly angry and want to have a fire burning of the things she has gotten them over the years...my question is do you think this is healthy closure for them?  She is obviously not going to give it to any of us but burning sounds so intense.

[AmyPDX]

 Sounds like they are still quite young. Are they able to write yet? It may be more productive to have them write (or draw) a letter - to themself, or to her - to get out their feelings. Then they can "send" it away (I'm thinking not actually to her, but mailing it away helps you let go of those feelings).

[osker]

I agree with AmyPDX. I think that even though we may be incredibly angry about things that happen in life, it is always better to encourage resolution through constructive things rather than destructive ones. Is there anything you could think of that you could all do together that would be building something rather than burning something?

For example, was there ever a time when you and the kids wanted to, I don't know, paint the living room some bright color and your ex partner didn't want to? You could do that now, something that would show the kids that they can create and change in a positive way when they are angry and confused.

Sorry things have been so sour lately! That must be rough!