x's playdates with dd's teacher bothering me

[vagabonder]

Ex and I have been separated for about 5 months.  We have an almost 3 year old dd and an 11 month old ds.  Dd has been going to montessori school for the past year and we have really liked her teacher.  Her teacher had a daughter around the same time that ds was born and before school got out last summer (and before ex and I split), she said she would call me over the summer so we could have a playdate with her dd and ds.  Then it turns out, she ended up having a playdate with my ex instead.  Now she is teaching part-time, and I found out that she and the ex have playdates fairly regularly while my dd is still in school.  

Ex never really was social or had playdates before we separated.  He has had a number of other playdates with other parents lately that have bothered me a bit, but for some reason his playdates with dd's teacher has really been getting to me.  It feels very uncomfortable and I can't pinpoint exactly why.  I'm trying to figure out if their playdates are inappropriate?  Am I just dealing with the jealousies of going through a divorce?  Should I leave it alone or say something?

[tanyam926]

It's natural to feel the things you are feeling, but I don't understand what would be innappropriate about the playdates?  If the teacher and your xh are dating it is between the two of them and you don't have to like it.  (I say that w/love :) )

Unfortunately, one of the worst parts of splitting up is that you no longer have a say (excluding extreme situations) in who your x has around the kids.  Each parent gets to make those kinds of decisions independently of the other parent.

So try to let it go.  It sounds like he is socializing and the kids give him an easy opportunity to meet new people.

Sorry to hear about your divorce, I can tell you it gets easier as time goes on and things can get left in the past. 

[vagabonder]

Thanks for your reply.  After thinking more about it, it feels off to me because I want the teacher to be a neutral party.  She is my dds teacher and will someday be my ds's teacher as well.  Having playdates with only their dad, she is likely to develop a bias towards him and I would rather her just be neutral, especially because right now we are disputing custody rights.  I also get worried about how my son will view the relationships as the teacher will be known as "dad's friend" as well. 

<sigh> This is definitely a hard part of divorce, letting go.  I guess I have to just hope that the teacher will not express anything with the kids in the classroom from this.