365 days ago, my loving Husband told me he didn't love me anymore and he wanted a divorce. 366 days ago, I went to bed early with a migraine, and my Hubby had come home, kissed my head, tucked me in, and told me he loved me, he hoped I felt better by morning. I don't need anyone on here telling me "you're better off without him" or various "he's no good" comments. I still miss him. Am I "okay"? I think so. I'm "okay" 'cause I have to be, for my children. But that doesn't mean I'm over it. I had everything, and because of somebody's midlife crisis, I have almost nothing now. The one person I trusted most in the world, without warning, looked me in the eye 365 days ago and basically told me that I do not deserve his love, I do not deserve my family, I do not deserve one of my children (my stepdaughter, who I had raised for 8 or her then 9 years of life). Do I need therapy? Yeah, probably, but I can't afford it, and I'm getting by, so I'm okay. Has it affected me longterm? Yes. I have trouble trusting people, and I realized a couple weeks ago that now I struggle to look most people in the eye these days. Has it affected my son longterm? Yes. He doesn't trust any adults. He tells me if his own Dad can walk away from him, how does he know I won't eventually walk away from him. He's taken on many of his Dad's good (and not so good) mannerisms, like what he likes to eat, what kind of clothes he likes to wear, etc, as well as "if Daddy can walk away from such-and-such problem, so can I". Has it affected my stepdaughter? Depends on who you ask. If you ask my estranged Husband, he will tell you she's "thriving". If you ask the people who aren't in denial, who can actually see the forest for the trees, you would see that she's clingy, she'll do ANYTHING to please her Dad, 'cause she's seen that her Dad will just drop someone he's displeased with, even if it's one of his children, you would see that, in her eyes, "survival" means fitting into her Dad's new life, even if that means doing things or acting in ways completely out of character for her. Has it affected my estranged Husband longterm? If you ask him, he'd tell you he'd "never been happier, finally getting to live his own life". But if you ask anyone else who can see what's going on, he's miserable, he's obsessed with his work, up to working close to 80 hours a week now, his best friend is living off of him, he spends little time with my son and when he has my stepdaughter over, he mostly works on his laptop and she watches tv. 365 days. Yes, I'm "okay", but you never really get over the loss of your family, you never really get over the loss of your Husband, when it's so sudden and without warning, and you especially never really get over the "loss" of a stepchild you've raised as your own for most her life, and then someone you trusted with your life tells you that he now consideres you nothing to that child. I've read studies on how most men see their self-worth in how they provide for their family, and how most women see their self-worth in how they care for their family. I lost my family. Somebody took my family away from me. Even if I "got over" my estranged Husband, even if I remarried someday to some other wonderful guy, I would always have that hole in my heart of the missing peices of my family- the Husband I had (not this current guy, but the man I met 10 years ago) and the "daughter" who was taken away from me. How does one ever really get over that? 365 days and I can make it through the day without breaking down, but I still fall asleep every night missing my family and I still wake up every morning missing my family.
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