Grossed out my formula feeding friend

[soccerchic21]

One of my friends was over yesterday with her almost 6 month old DS and she never breastfed him. I never asked her why. He went straight to a bottle. I don't think it is any medical reason with her I get the feeling she doesn't like it.

So my DD is 8 months old and she was asking if I was still breastfeeding and when I said yes she said "so till like a year?" Then I told her that we (DH and I) were going to let Riley wean herself so if that is till 2 then that is when I will be done.

I think I got a weird look. I tried to soften it for her by saying I wasn't exactly sure how much I would nurse her in public when she is a toddler but if she is hungry she is hungry and she is showing no signs of slowing down.

Then my friend said "I don't know I think if they can ask for it they are done"

I decided to pick my battles wisely and not argue. She seems very set in her ways.

[cinna-mum]

Yep..

I have a friend like this too.

I had major troubles feeding #4 ( now 5 months ) as she went through breast refusal and would not nurse. For 3 months I pumped... I have just recently stopped and she is full time formula.. still get teary about it.. but I have persevered as long as is humanly possible! I received no sympathy from friends at all..they can't see why I would be so upset!

Any.. my friend also thinks breast feeding is disgusting and painful and totally unecessary (? ) and we have had some intesting disagreements. All her babes ending up on prescription formula ( disgusting stuff) but no way could she be presuaded.
Very sad...

My little rant...

[turquoise]

Re: Grossed out my formula feeding friend

Originally posted by soccerchic21
Then my friend said "I don't know I think if they can ask for it they are done"

I've heard people say that, but then you have to think...if they were done, they wouldn't be asking for it! :LOL

[lauraess]

: : : : :
It gets tiring to hear that line> if they're asking they're too old.
I mean do women who use that line ever stop to think how shallow and warped that is??? of course, a woman who bf at all would maybe be a little open to the idea that the comfort a child is asking for is warranted no matter if they verbally ask with words or with crying/fussing. but i guess when you've never experienced the loving and selfless act of nursing you just arent gonna get it ever.

Sad, really it is.
Laura

[soccerchic21]

Originally posted by lauraess
[of course, a woman who bf at all would maybe be a little open to the idea that the comfort a child is asking for is warranted no matter if they verbally ask with words or with crying/fussing. but i guess when you've never experienced the loving and selfless act of nursing you just arent gonna get it ever.

Sad, really it is.
Laura [/B]

I was telling DH that every baby asks for food in their own way such as when her son fussed when he was hungry. So when she is old enough to ask does that mean she needs to make her own dinner on the stove too? :

[soccerchic21]

Re: Yep..

Originally posted by cinna-mum
I have a friend like this too.

I had major troubles feeding #4 ( now 5 months ) as she went through breast refusal and would not nurse. For 3 months I pumped... I have just recently stopped and she is full time formula.. still get teary about it.. but I have persevered as long as is humanly possible! I received no sympathy from friends at all..they can't see why I would be so upset!

That is why I think my friend doesn't get it. I too had MANY MANY problems bfing my daughter and I feel so grateful that we were able to overcome them because at one time it seemed like we never were. We also had refusal. I know how you feel. So now even more I never want to stop because those times were so hard.

[cinna-mum]

soccerchic21

I keep trying put bub to the breast... but still fighting a losing battle!

Keep it up for as long as you and babe keep needing it, I reckon.

[DreamsInDigital]

Sarah I am so happy you didn't let Paul annoy you into early weaning. The last time you guys were at LLL I swear it seemed like he wanted your boobs back or something :LOL Smooch Riley for me, okay? I missed LLL this last time because my sister was visiting so I didn't get to see her. She's so cute!

[lauraess]

Ya know... why do women feel perfectly okay in giving their opinion about older children nursing to women who are comfortable nursing this way??? is it just defensiveness?
When my friend who hasnt kids yet mentioned her apprehension and concern about nursing the child when they are older I think I just told her that when she nurses she may change her mind.
but, when a mom who formual feeds defends her position i think it's fair to say something like " You just dont understand since you've never been there." Right?
Laura

[hipumpkins]

OMG how timely is this post???
Just last ngiht my childless friends were apalled that I was still n ursing my 17 mos old. We had a huge argument about it. They don't even have kids and they were using every cliche I ever heard. "When they're old enough to ask" "Are you going to kindergartdn with her?" "She got all the nutrition her 1st year" It was exasperating to say the least. BTW thanks to this board I had all the right replies but they were not to be convinced.

[Meiri]

Then my friend said "I don't know I think if they can ask for it they are done"

Soooooo, if they (the ones saying this) are old enough to ask you to "please pass the salt" that means you shouldn't?

Mine ask for food all the time. If the child's old enough to ask for it, you don't have to feed them at all any more?

If someone's old enough to ask you for it (it being any kind of favor), then you shouldn't do anything for them at all?

I'm trying to wrap my mind around this concept that if a person is able to communicate a need, that that means they don't get to have that need fulfilled. You only get what you Don't ask for????:

Alternatively, since babies rooting at birth is how they "ask for it", they're too old at birth?

[RachelGS]

Re: Grossed out my formula feeding friend

Originally posted by soccerchic21
Then my friend said "I don't know I think if they can ask for it they are done"

I've never understood this rationale. I think if they ask for it, they're telling you as clearly as ever that they need it. They're not saying, "I'm done." They're saying, "Nurse me."

I think people are just afraid of the idea of talking children nursing. If they can talk, they must be pretty aware of things. If they're aware of things, they might -- : -- realize it's a breast. Horrors!

But my breasts were breasts before my daughter learned to talk. She didn't suddenly start perceiving them differently when she acquired language, and their function didn't suddenly shift.

:

[Raven]

RacelGS...

But my breasts were breasts before my daughter learned to talk. She didn't suddenly start perceiving them differently when she acquired language, and their function didn't suddenly shift.

Good point!

I agree! I also dont get why asking for food means you need to stop b/feeding...

[lauraess]

Thats exactly the reason, really, that people say those things. They cant verbalize themselves their warped and misguided ideas about sexuality and babies so they turn to the over-used and stupid comments like those:

next time someone says this can someone on the recieving end say "Could you please tell me WHY it is not okay for a child to ask for what they want?????"

Could they answer this question----????
Laura

[soccerchic21]

Originally posted by DreamsInDigital
Sarah I am so happy you didn't let Paul annoy you into early weaning. The last time you guys were at LLL I swear it seemed like he wanted your boobs back or something :LOL Smooch Riley for me, okay? I missed LLL this last time because my sister was visiting so I didn't get to see her. She's so cute!

He is better. I think he worries about what other people will think. He is very supportive now. I think he just needed to be educated a little more.

I know we missed you at the meeting. It was very small.

[soccerchic21]

I agree with all of you. Even though my 8 month old DD doesn't verbally say "Excuse me mother but I would like to breastfeed now" she does so with body language like when she smashes her head into my breast or when she opens her mouth and starts sucking on my arm. LOL so cute.

I am just so sick of how breasts are sexualized here in the United States.

Also, even though a baby is past one year of age I like how a friend of mine put it the other day "it doesn't turn to Kool-Aid it is still milk" I hate how people think that breast milk isn't nutritious after one year! If it was meant to be that way I think God would turn them off.

[mamabeth]

I've started saying to people how much better I like it now that my dd can "stand up and ask for it," because it means she isn't thrashing around diving for my boob with her mouth open.

She looks at me and says "Ma, peese?" she calls it "ma" and I'm teaching her to say please when she asks for things...I can't imagine a cuter thing in the whole world, really, than my baby "asking for it!"
Peace.

[Overproducktion]

My friend is such a pain when it comes to talking about APing. She's a proud formula feedin-sposie user-never EVER slept in the same bed as her ds kind of mom. She even started spanking him when he WAS 6 MONTHS OLD!!!

We ALWAYS argue about things like this. It has really put a damper on our relationship. For instance, yesterday when she was over my dd (who is 8.5 months old) was SUPER fussy. I had her in her sling and was trying to bf her.

My friend made a comment, "Tamera, she probably wants "real" food" WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK IS IN MY BOOBS?! AIR! Then of course she continues to talk about how my daughter needs real food she starts to fix her ds a bottle of formula.:

I didn't stoop to her level though. I just don't feel like dealing with it. I have told her till I am blue in the face about breastmilk/breastfeeding.

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink it. Well, unless you through them in it and shove their heads under.

[turquoise]

Originally posted by happymomwith4
You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink it. Well, unless you through them in it and shove their heads under.

:LOL that is a funny visual - I think that would be considered drowning the horse!

Sorry your friend had to be disrespectful to you about your decision to BF by saying that whole "real food" bs. It stinks when friends can't at least respect our decisions even if we disagree.

[Mamid]

I got the "when the ask they're done" by my (almost)smil, (almost)sil, friends, know it alls, etc. All through my nursing both my daughter and my son.

Then there's the jerks who instead of giving me sympathy say "teeth? so you're going to wean?" My son got teeth at the 4 month mark. All 4 front ones at once. Instead of support and at least being semi comforting, friends, etc were rude and expecting me to wean.

DS doesn't nurse all the time anymore, cause we're trying to get him to eat more food because I'm fighting dehydration with this pregnant. Summer is going to be bad. At least he only nurses a little bit now instead of latching on for what seamed like hours.