My husband started going away to work about 2 months ago. We had been both stay at home and running a daycare from our home together. Neither of us were completely happy with this, but it was alright and meant we both got to be home with our kids. Well, when things started to slow down we decided, instead of looking for more kids, to take the opportunity to move on. We were excited when he found a job that he leaves around 2:30 in the afternoon and gets home around 1:30 in the morning because he still gets a good chunk of the day with our girls.
I didn't expect to be so scared. Petrified may be a better word. I know it's really overboard, but knowing so doesn't help control my emotions. As it gets dark (which is around 5:30 now!) I get terrified. I'm not really sure why. All of a sudden the house is way too big and I want to leave all the lights on. I really wish I had curtains for all the windows, I lock all the doors (which I have never done) and really, really wish the back door locked adequately. It's a real door with no lock to a warm-seasons room that has a door to the outside that is just a screen door with the screen replaced with plexiglas. It has your usual push-latch with little clip lock that all you really need to do is shake to open it. We live out in the wood with neighbors that aren't terribly close. For instance, they wouldn't hear you scream ;) I hate having a basement and an upstairs, and I don't want to open the door to let our cats in and out (we have 4) and their scratching at the door is suddenly really scary. Everything is.
I try to distract myself by staying occupied, by even distracted my chest feels tight and I feel nauseous and on edge. It gets worse after the kids go to sleep. Sometimes it mounts to such an extreme that I really want to throw up and / or cry. It doesn't help that for no apparent reason my 2 1/2 y/o DD has started routinely saying things like, "Did you hear that noise?" "What was that sound?" or, worse, "Do you see that man?" or "I hear a big guy over there." I have no idea why she's started saying these things, other than she's feeling my vibes, but she doesn't actually seem upset or scared. Of course this puts me at a point in which I have a lot of trouble functioning at all, the fear is so great.
Thinking that I don't remember ever being afraid of being alone at night so terribly, I realized that it has probably rarely happened. I lived at home with my parents and two brothers and even if my parents were away generally I was with a sibling I guess, and when I moved out I always had roommates. Then I got married. We worked at the same restaurant for a few years, then moved here for a year he worked and I went to school, but I got home after him, and then we were running daycare.
There is nowhere walking distance to go out to from here, and DH takes our only car to work. I don't really know anyone in the area as I never worked here other than daycare or went to school here, which are pretty much the only two ways I know how to meet people :)
Still, I am really surprised by how bad this has been, and have no idea how to cope. I've been hoping I just get used to it but it has seriously sucked. My mum used to get really freaked out when my dad was away, he worked in the automotive business and several times a year would be sent overseas. It never bothered us, probably because mum was there, but she was definitely happy to have us jump in bed with her at these times :)
Just to make things a little bit more fun, for the last two weeks we've been having weird phone calls where the phone rings and the CID is blank, not "unknown" "unavailable" or "private" like most calls, just blank. When I pick up, there is no one there. Sometimes it just stays that way, or sometimes there is a click right after I answer and then it disconnects. Sometimes it is 15 times a day, sometimes it is every 10 minutes. Blocking anonymous calls hasn't stopped it, and my phone company just says they have no idea, it's really weird, and they don't know what to do about it. Logically, I realize it's probably a telemarketing company doing something that isn't working properly or something, but it still really creeps me out and feeds the fear big time.
Okay, sorry this has gotten so long, I'm pretty bad about rambling, especially when I am nervous :) Anyone have any advice on how to overcome this fear? Or just has felt this way? Understanding, consolation, anything would be nice at this point. :lol