What are grounds for restraining or protective orders?

[SummerLove]

I am asking because STBX was going to get one against ME! 

A few weeks ago, he tried to take our children in the middle of the night, I went all mama-bear on him and we fought (hitting was involved, but I was the one that hit him :( ) So, he called the cops because of it. No charges, tickets or anything were made. I told the police that he was trying to take my kids away and I tried to stop him. 

Anyway, fast forward a few weeks, STBX is sleeping in the guest room and I told him he really needs to find a new place ASAP because being around each other all the time is BAD. He decided then that he would try to get ME kicked out of our house by putting a restraining order/protective order against me. Can he really do that if I've not had any charges against me? I've NEVER EVER hurt my children, and my youngest is still nursing! 

Anyone been here? He is being very manipulative (one of the reasons I am leaving), and I don't know how much I can take! 

[PoppyMama]

I didn't want to read without replying but I just have no idea.  Can you go in for a few lawyer consults?  Sounds like you need help with him.  I would also get a copy of that police report to see exactly what it says.  Maybe this will backfire on him and he'll have to leave.

[Avani]

If the police didn't believe him enough to do anything then I doubt a judge would. And I seriously doubt a judge is going to kick you out of your own home given the circumstances. I wouldn't let his threats bother you. In fact don't let him think you are worried even one bit about it. Tell him to go ahead and try. I think he is attempting to use a fear tactic so don't buy into it. But don't touch him again or give him reason to call the cops again.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Hitting doesn't help you.  If a judge believes that you were doing it to make sure he didn't take the kids, they may be more lenient.  DO NOT do that again though - call 911 instead.  STEP 1 is to call 911 if he's trying to take the kids - make sure you know his license plate.  That said, I think you should go to court.  I'll tell you what I did.  My ex filed for custody first, and got an order that ds couldn't leave the state pending the next court date.  Great.  So, then I filed for custody (called a cross-claim) and (b/c he had threatened to take ds to his mothers house and not let me see him for 3 weeks, and my ds was nursing at the time, it would have been TERRIBLE) and asked the judge for an order that ds could not be relocated from our current address.  The judge granted my request, and ds stayed with me, and b/c I got an order of protection as well (limited, did not restrict our contact other than to make him behave himself) he moved out on the advice of his attorney.  Worked like a CHARM.  (as an aside, I now have sole custody, and I truly believe that the reason I have sole custody is b/c I got the order that ds couldn't be relocated - otherwise my ex would have left and taken ds with him, and there would have been NOTHING I could do about it)

[Theia]

If you are married, he has as much right to take the children as you do, unless there is some sort of court order.  Not saying that I'm siding with him, just what the law is AFAIK.  Even if you aren't married, if he is listed as their father on their birth certificate then he likely has the same rights as you until there is a court ordered custody agreement.  If you can get him to move out, you can see if your state offers a Status Quo order that would be in effect until the final custody agreement is worked out.  

I do think it is fear tactics on his part.  Do find out what the police report for the one incident says.  Do get a legal consult.  Do document his behaviors towards you and the children from this point forward.  

[Theia]

Oh, and your original question... the grounds for RO or OOP.... Check out this link for some good information that you can get for your specific state.

http://www.womenslaw.org/index.php

[Avani]

Although I agree that if you are married he has just as much right to take the kids,him taking the kids out of their home during parental arguments and separations is not in their best interest. Go file custody now. Hitting someone can be grounds to get a restraining order. But it is't that simple. Both sides need to tell their story and the judge sorts through it all and determines what is necessary. Custody can be ordered through a restraining order. For instance my ex threw me off of a bed with a 6 month old baby in my arms. He tells the judge I kicked him in the stomach. Which was true. However my side was that he was on top of me and the baby choking me and I attemtped to kick him off of me and he in turn grabbed my legs and threw me and the baby off of the bed. So when he goes to the judge and says I kicked him in the stomach, which sounds horrible there is far more to it then that. That is why a restraining order hearing allows you to tell your side of the story.

[SummerLove]

Thanks mamas.. I have everything ready to file for divorce/custody and will be doing it first thing Monday morning (dang holiday weekend). 

Do I just go to the police department and ask for the record? I've never had to do something like that before. 

[la mamita]

Be very cautious here. Get a good lawyer, asap. A very similar situation happened to a relative of mine: she was minorly violent in the heat of an argument with her now ex-husband (I think she used force in self-defense, not that she just snapped), her extremely manipulative ex filed a restraining order which left him in custody of the kids and left her homeless. Sadly, this was the beginning of the end for her: she lost custody of the kids in the divorce. Her (incompetent) lawyer has much to blame in that aspect, but the physical violence was a really bad start on her part. I know you can't change your actions, but I would just say be SO CAREFUL in your legal response. I wish you the best.