Birth really does work. Trust your body. I wish it were just that simple.
I am so happy for the mamas that got the birth they wanted. But I have to say that I am envious as hell. This should probably be in homebirth, but I know you guys better.
I did everything that was in my control right. I worked up until the day I went into labor. I worked out 4 days a week. Walked two days a week for an hour and took a step aerobics class the other two days until I got too pregnant for it to be enjoyable, then switched to a water aerobics class. Went to see the chiropractor. Ate right. Didn't get stressed out. Had great support. Didn't gain excessive weight. My pre-pregnancy clothes were actually too big for me two weeks postpartum. (I wanted to lose about 15 pounds before I got pregnant. I like to weigh between 125 and 130. I am 5'4. I was hanging arou,d 145 before I got pregnant. I was about 160 lbs when I had the baby. So my weight shifted a bit.
Did EVERYTHING my midwives told me to do. (never got around to the perineal massage thing. But that is another story entirely). All the tests/labs that the midwives did at each meeting came back good every time.
I had an awesome attempted homebirth. I came so close. My midwives were great. We got so far. My midwives could see her hair. I could reach in and touch her. She was right there. Something happened and she went back up, and she could't seem to come back down. My midwives put me in every position imaginable to get her back down. I "undilated". I went back down and hovered between 5 and 7. But she had hit that nerve and the uncontrollable pushing wouldn't stop. Conractions came in waves of three. The first one just made me scream and I couldn't control it. It wasn't "me" pushing The second two, I could control and not push. The pushing against my "undilated" cervix caused it to swell and she could't come back down.
I was scared to have to transfer. I live in Illinois and was afraid as hell about what was going to happen at the hospital. But actually it went well. My midwives transferred with me as my "doulas". My midwives were still there when I came out of recovery from my c-section. They were amazing advocates. They didn't let anyone give me any crap, make sure my needs were met at the hospital, didn't let there be any fear mongering.
I transferred and that actually went better than expected. The goal of the transfer was to get things back under control. Get something to stop the pushing/uncontrollable contractions. The baby was fine, but it was futile, the pushing against an undilated cervix. They (midwives) wanted me to get something to get the pushing to stop. They could see that things were going backwards and nothing that we were doing was taking things out of reverse. None of this was from anything that anyone did. Just a ridiculous twist of fate/luck.
I don't quite grieve the loss of my homebirth. I don't know if my first c-section was necessary. I do feel that this one was necessary. I am sitting here with my beautiful baby girl now sleeping in my lap.
I saved every extra penny I had for this. I am so screwed now. One of my main reasons for the homebirth was money. I know, not a good reason, but hear me out. I have no insurance and I didn't have the heart for an abortion and didn't want to go $20,000.00 in debt so I explored this as an option and it actually went from this being a choice due to money to this being the experience that I wanted. I got to the point that the money wasn't really the major factor. My son wanted to be there, I wanted to be surrounded by my family in my home, etc. YOu all get it.
Now I am sitting here with my baby looking at here and this insanely huge stack of bills. $18,475.63 to be exact,so far anyways). That is an obscene number. It makes me cry everytime I thind about. This is the overwhelmong part of it. I receive a bill f rom some provider every day almost.
Trust your body. I SO wish it could have been that simple.