Hugs. Honey, your husband's behavior is WAY out of line. Way, way, WAY out. I can understand him being upset if you'd told him you were a virgin before marriage, sure; and I even get his being sad that you had a previous sexual history. DH wasn't a virgin when we got married, and I definitely had to process that and grieve a little. But after only four years, it doesn't bug me any more, and hasn't for a while. After sixteen years, surely it should be a total non-issue except insofar as he cares about how the abuse affected you? I mean, you've proven your commitment to him - you have two children, for goodness' sake! - and the reasons you didn't reveal more about your past are extremely understandable. His lack of compassion and weird demands are... not a normal response to this. Really - he wants you to write to the priest and your old college friends?? I mean, what?
I hope you stay safe. He doesn't sound very stable to me. And I'm pretty sure he has no grounds for annulment, so if he wants out he'll just have to get a divorce and ruin his good-Catholic-boy image.
OP, I send you a big
A loving spouse would acknowledge you were sexually victimized as a young woman and would not hold it against you, nor use it as tool to further victimize you.
You are emotionally stronger than your husband, no doubt about it. Stay safe, mama.