My Papa is getting married today

[Adaline'sMama]

So, Ive never posted in this forum, but I figure today is as good a time as any. My grandfather will be walking down the aisle with is new bride in about 45 minutes in the same church where we celebrated my grandmothers life just 6 months ago.

Mimi was the closest family member Ive ever had. She was like a second mother to me (since my first one was terrible at it) and one of my very best friends. Last December, she was taking a medication for fibromyalgia and she began to lose her ability to speak clearly. Her thoughts became jumbled and slow. I pushed and pushed my grandfather to take her to the hospital and have them take her off the medication. When he took her, they did a CT just to make sure she hadnt had a stroke. As it turned out, she had 2 stage 4 GBM brain tumors, and 1 stage 2 tumor. That was December 12. We made the six hour trip to Birmingham that night, and by the time we arrived she'd had several rounds of steroids. She was talking and functioning more fluently, but devestated by the information. She was released  and we decorated her Christmas tree. We stayed for 5 days, and made plans to return on Christmas for a large family event.  On Christmas Eve, she was admitted into UAB hospital after collapsing. She never spoke again. We continued visiting her throughout January and Febuary, during my 7th and 8th month of pregnancy. She was rapidly declining. We fed her, read to her, told her stories, and she would rub my belly and smile. She was released to her home under the care of Hospice in late Jan. My first child, and her first great grandchild was born on March 20, 2010 and named Adaline Sarah (sarah for my grandmother). We took Ada to see her when she was just 9 days old. Mimi held her with her good arm (by this time only the left side of her body worked) and smiled.

On May 8, 2010 my grandmother died, after a 6 month battle with cancer. Thankfully, she is no longer in pain. The last couple of months were horrible, and it was an honest relief to see her go. Of course I was sad, and I still am, but I am so much happier knowing that she is not suffering.

My grandfathers desicion to remarry came as quite a suprise to all of the family. He met this woman 2 days after my grandmother was put to rest, and announounced his proposal less than 6 weeks later. After multiple discussions, arguments, and tears, he is steadfast in his desicion to marry her. After 54 years of being married to my grandmother, Im sure he will make a great husband. But, regardless, it causes me great pain to know she will hold the spot in my grandmothers bed, sit in her recliner, and cook his meals in my grandmothers kitchen. Im just not ready for this.

[wytchywoman]

I'm so sorry for your loss. The fact that your grandfather has moved on so quickly must be devastating. I do though, think it is more of a reflection on your grandfather than on the relationship he had with your grandmother. I am sort of getting a strong sense (and I could be wrong) that he did this because he doesn't feel he can live alone and take care of himself, by himself. He probably had your grandmother dotting all the I's and crossing all the T's for a very very long time and he may not have enough confidence in himself to try and go it alone.

[Vancouver Mommy]

I am so sorry for your loss. And although it probably won't be much of a comfort to you, studies show that those that are the most happily married tend to remarry soon after the death of a spouse.

[ElliesMomma]

i'm sorry for the loss of your beloved grandmother.

the new woman is not a new grandmother to you, just your grandfather's new wife.

take it one day at a time.

[D_McG]

It's true! 
 

Originally Posted by Vancouver Mommy 

I am so sorry for your loss. And although it probably won't be much of a comfort to you, studies show that those that are the most happily married tend to remarry soon after the death of a spouse.

[swd12422]

Originally Posted by Vancouver Mommy 

I am so sorry for your loss. And although it probably won't be much of a comfort to you, studies show that those that are the most happily married tend to remarry soon after the death of a spouse.

This is exactly what I was going to say, too. It's not much comfort, b/c you're still mourning your loss. But your grandfather is mourning too, and this new wife is not a replacement to cover up or negate the 54 years he had with Mimi. Rather, she is a testament to how wonderful your grandma was for him, b/c he wants to have it again.

A friend of mine always says that if something happens to her husband, or if they divorce for some reason, she'll never want to get married again. Not b/c of how special her DH is to her, but b/c she hates being married! You grandma made your grandfather so happy that he is seeking to continue it. I hope it works for him, and I hope you can eventually be happy for him. It's a really hard thing to go through.

[Adaline'sMama]

Thanks everyone for your helpful comments. Im sure Ill be back to this forum to post more about losing my grandmother, but its still very raw and diffucult to write about.