post #21 of 21
11/18/10 at 6:44pm

I make my daughter share.  If the 1 year old didn't care, I wouldn't push it, but with similar aged children (she just turned 2), I do make an issue of her having to share.  She goes to daycare, so sharing is a regular part of her day.  Two situations that I feel were hurtful to my daughter made up my mind with this.

 

-My friend's son who is my daughter's age.  It wasn't my friend but her son's grandmother.  We were at their house, and she was playing with his toys (obviously since we were at their house).  Everything that she touched, he threw a fit about, and every time, his grandmother took it from my daughter and gave it to her grandson, explaining that every toy was his "one of his favorites".  My daughter ended up crying, coming to me crying "no toys, no toys".

 

-My niece is almost 3.  She has a set of grandparents who lived nearby and one's who visit fairly often (my daughter sees one set every couple of months).  She also has a full time nanny who dotes on her.  While visiting them while on vacation, our niece was horrible to my daughter, to the point of physical aggression, and NO ONE did anything, with the exception of her father and I.  Yes, she was used to being the center of everyone's attention, is not a very friendly child, and has very little interaction with other children, but the way the adults handled it was horrible.  Anytime she didn't want to share, regardless of why, they either took something from my daughter and gave it back to her, or took her somewhere else to play and told her that my daughter wasn't coming, it was JUST for her.  The ADULTS, doing this to a 20 month old!

 

While not wanting to share is age appropriate, I do think parents need to model, and gently explain that sharing is important and it's nice to share.  If my daughter doesn't want to share what she has, we ask her to pick another toy to share with the other child, and she happily does.  She is also very proud to share, and often points out that she is sharing.  I think its important that we acknowledge it's age appropriate for children at this age to not want to share, my job as her mother is to show her that she *should* share.  A truly special item, like her blankie or another lovey, isn't something that I would ever ask her to share, but I also put them away while there are other children over.

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