Anyone here taken their child to a therapist?

[Hokulele]

I am considering taking DD, who is 5yo, to see a therapist for her anxiety issues.  I don't have the best view of therapy but I am hopeful we can find someone who can give us just a few tools to help her. 

How do you tell a 5 year old about why they are going to therapy?  She is pretty advanced and definitely gets things faster than your average 5 year old - and internalizes things more than the average kid.  (Hence the anxiety issues.)   I don't want her to feel like there is something wrong, or that she has done something bad.  But it feels like even saying "you haven't done anything wrong" will set off alarm bells for her to start questioning "HAVE I done something wrong and they are smoothing over it?" 

Does that make sense?  So how DO I explain it to her?

I really wanted to go meet with a therapist first, to have a chance to talk before DD was there, but it took me forever to find a therapist who was taking new patients and the one we found has said she'd prefer to see me with DD right from the beginning.  Is that pretty standard?

I would love to hear other people's experiences... how did you tell your DC about therapy?  How did it go?  What should I expect? 

[joensally]

I took DD to a therapist in kindie for anxiety and problems at school (boy, if I knew then what I know now!).  He was a regular therapist, we saw him together for one session, and the whole thing was a waste.  I told her that we were going to talk to someone about her big feelings to get new ideas to make her feel better - just like we go to the doctor when we get a cold or flu and it goes on too long.

I found an art and play therapist for her when she was 9 and it was great.  I really believe that the right therapist is integral.  This therapist meets with the parent(s) alone first, which is preferable imo.  I used the same rationale - you're really struggling with these intense feelings, we've tried things to help, let's talk to someone and get some new ideas because you deserve to feel better more of the time.  DS started seeing the same therapist at 6 but he thought it was normal since he salivated over the studio everytime we dropped his sister off!

Another quick point - starting therapy with a child does not mean you're in for months or years of therapy.  Our therapist has helped the kids with strategies to cope with their intensity and anxiety and the longest they've gone consecutively was a month.  Now they see her when they have an issue or stage we can't navigate through ourselves and where they feel they would benefit.

[Hokulele]

Originally Posted by joensally 

I took DD to a therapist in kindie for anxiety and problems at school (boy, if I knew then what I know now!).  He was a regular therapist, we saw him together for one session, and the whole thing was a waste.  I told her that we were going to talk to someone about her big feelings to get new ideas to make her feel better - just like we go to the doctor when we get a cold or flu and it goes on too long.

I found an art and play therapist for her when she was 9 and it was great.  I really believe that the right therapist is integral.  This therapist meets with the parent(s) alone first, which is preferable imo.  I used the same rationale - you're really struggling with these intense feelings, we've tried things to help, let's talk to someone and get some new ideas because you deserve to feel better more of the time.  DS started seeing the same therapist at 6 but he thought it was normal since he salivated over the studio everytime we dropped his sister off!

Another quick point - starting therapy with a child does not mean you're in for months or years of therapy.  Our therapist has helped the kids with strategies to cope with their intensity and anxiety and the longest they've gone consecutively was a month.  Now they see her when they have an issue or stage we can't navigate through ourselves and where they feel they would benefit.

Thanks for your response.  First, what do you mean by "boy , if I knew then what I know now" ???  Would you still have taken your DD at this age?  (DD is also in kindie).

I know I should do more research on therapists but I really just don't know how.  I contacted maybe eight different therapists and only one of them said she could take us.  I'm feeling urgency to see *someone* because the holidays are approaching and DD's anxiety is bound to escalate.

How do you find someone who is an art and play therapist?  I'm in a relatively small town, it is hopeless for me to find someone like that?  I'm also worried whatever person we see will say it is all our fault - we coslept, BFed a long time and practice GD.  (That worry comes from the fact that our pedi, when I mentioned the anxiety a while ago told me we need to spank our child.) 

That's really good to know that it doesn't tend to last for very long.  DH is freaking out about the financial side of it a bit (which has me all worked up - my take is that I would spend any amount of money to help DD thru this... but... I digress). 

Thanks for your help!

[joensally]

Oh dear!

What I meant about knowing then what I know now is that at that point I didn't understand DD the way I do now, hadn't read as much as I have now, seen as many specialists as I have now, and didn't know yet that DS was 2E or have the wealth of experience raising him has given me.  I didn't understand that DD was really different  - I'll qualify this by saying that I have no idea how different or how normal she may be, given that people do tend to hide their personal and parenting struggles.  I thought we had to fix her or us, when it was her school situation that was most problematic at that point.  DD's really intense, sensitive and emotional and I wish I'd pursued finding her someone really good when the first one didn't work out rather than waiting as I did.

As for your ped, I'd consider getting a new one.  The research on child rearing is a pretty big mixed bag and I'd describe prescribing spanking as lazy and outside of the scope of what a ped should be advising.  I don't know if you're in the US, but the AAP has clear policy that they do not support spanking:

http://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/family-dynamics/communication-discipline/pages/Where-We-Stand-Spanking.aspx?nfstatus=401&nftoken=00000000-0000-0000-0000-000000000000&nfstatusdescription=ERROR%3a+No+local+token

I don't know how small a town you're in, but I've never blinked about leaving a practice that would be so narrow in it's view of parenting practices.  Our GP is fairly conservative, but he's open and sees us as partners - we discuss things.  I had a health issue and was using some alternative therapies and refusing some tests.  My doc was uncomfortable with it until I pointed out that I was also seeing him and explained my rationale.  We worked it out - health care providers like this are out there, and I hope you find one.

As for finding a professional for your DD.  I would look under professional affiliation group listings - look at psychologists, counsellors/therapists (usually MAs), and social workers (MSWs can provide mental health therapies).  Are there any gifted groups anywhere near you?  They may have some ideas about professionals with some experience with gifted kids.   If you're in the states, try here:

http://www.a4pt.org/ps.index.cfm

http://www.arttherapy.org/ 

The predominant modality used for anxiety and kids is cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT).  Finding a therapist experienced in CBT is also good.

Would you like some recommendations for books as well?  There are a number of them.

Originally Posted by Hokulele 

Originally Posted by joensally 

I took DD to a therapist in kindie for anxiety and problems at school (boy, if I knew then what I know now!).  He was a regular therapist, we saw him together for one session, and the whole thing was a waste.  I told her that we were going to talk to someone about her big feelings to get new ideas to make her feel better - just like we go to the doctor when we get a cold or flu and it goes on too long.

I found an art and play therapist for her when she was 9 and it was great.  I really believe that the right therapist is integral.  This therapist meets with the parent(s) alone first, which is preferable imo.  I used the same rationale - you're really struggling with these intense feelings, we've tried things to help, let's talk to someone and get some new ideas because you deserve to feel better more of the time.  DS started seeing the same therapist at 6 but he thought it was normal since he salivated over the studio everytime we dropped his sister off!

Another quick point - starting therapy with a child does not mean you're in for months or years of therapy.  Our therapist has helped the kids with strategies to cope with their intensity and anxiety and the longest they've gone consecutively was a month.  Now they see her when they have an issue or stage we can't navigate through ourselves and where they feel they would benefit.

Thanks for your response.  First, what do you mean by "boy , if I knew then what I know now" ???  Would you still have taken your DD at this age?  (DD is also in kindie).

I know I should do more research on therapists but I really just don't know how.  I contacted maybe eight different therapists and only one of them said she could take us.  I'm feeling urgency to see *someone* because the holidays are approaching and DD's anxiety is bound to escalate.

How do you find someone who is an art and play therapist?  I'm in a relatively small town, it is hopeless for me to find someone like that?  I'm also worried whatever person we see will say it is all our fault - we coslept, BFed a long time and practice GD.  (That worry comes from the fact that our pedi, when I mentioned the anxiety a while ago told me we need to spank our child.) 

That's really good to know that it doesn't tend to last for very long.  DH is freaking out about the financial side of it a bit (which has me all worked up - my take is that I would spend any amount of money to help DD thru this... but... I digress). 

Thanks for your help!

[Linda on the move]

My DD who is 14 has seen a therapist. She is also 2E and has issues with anxiety. And I totally agree about CBT.

I'd explain to your 5 year old that the dr/specialist she'll be seeing talks to people and helps them figure out what to do about problems, such as getting really scared about things that lots of other people don't find scary. She helps them figure out how to be a bit happier and more relaxed.

It went really well for my DD. Her counselor meet with me for a few minutes as the beginning of each appointment, and then met with my DD. They worked mostly on different techniques to apply to different situations to help with anxiety and panic attacks. Her counselor also helped me tweak a few things in my parenting, which was helpful for me.

Since you are new to all this, I'll warn you that at the first session, you will most likely need to sign some paper work explain what parts of sessions are confidential and what parts aren't. I'm not sure how it works with a child so young,  but with my DD I needed to sign that what she said to her counselor was confidential from me, which I found uncomfortable. Her therapist and I worked together and it never felt like an issue past signing that paper, but I felt a little like a was taking a knife to the heart when I signed that paper.

On the up side, DD's counselor really helped her with her anxiety, wrote a letter to the school which was helpful with her 504 plan, and helped direct us to a specialist who did some additional testing on DD and helped figure out her 2E stuff. It was totally the right thing for us to do. I've no regrets.

GOOD LUCK

[RiverTam]

I took my youngest to a therapist after my mother died. He was five He was having a hard time dealing with her death. It was very sudden. He had a hard time with it because not only was Grandma dead, but if Grandma could die in a sudden accident, then Mom or Dad or his brother or his teacher or he himself could also die in a sudden accident. After six months with no improvement, we went to see a psychologist who specializes in gifted kids.  I told him that I thought it might help him to talk to someone about it and that the brain doctor might be able to help him understand it and could help me help him understand it.

My oldest goes to speech therapy and has had separate assessments with two speech therapists and a psychologist. His first assessment was at age 6.  told him that he was going to see a brain doctor because he was having some problems at school and the brain doctor would be able to help us figure out what to do to fix those problems.  When the recommendation was that he receive speech therapy for a diagnosis of Mixed Expressive Receptive Language Disorder, I told him that he was going to speech therapy to work on being able to talk better. We told him and his brother that DS1 is good at a lot of things, but has problems talking and the speech therapist would work with him to help him with talking.  We also told them that everyone has things that they are good at and things that they need to work on. We used the example that DS1 is very good at reading and math, but not as good at talking, so he needs to work on talking. (Both the early academic achievement and the speech problem was perfectly obvious to both of them.)  When DS2 wanted to know why DS1 "got to go to speech and I don't," we explained to DS2 that he is already very good at talking, but needs more work on reading and so he has to go to school while DS1 is at speech.  

[Roar]

Yes, we have worked with a therapist and it has been very helpful.

I agree with Linda's suggestions about explaining therapy to your daughter. I would keep in mind that this is probably mostly an adult baggage thing. Young kids get taken to all sorts stuff and don't consider it a personal indictment. If you took her to swimming lessons she wouldn't think she was being told she was a defective swimmer right? So, I'd keep it casual - the doctor knows a lot about helping kids learn to deal with feelings.

Personally, I would clarify what the doctor means about meeting together the first time. I've been shocked by the very common practice of many medical professionals to talk about kids in front of kids. Some of them get why this is a bad idea, but a surprising number seem to have no clue. Really you should be able to have a conversation with the doctor where you can express your concerns and ask questions while your daughter is not in earshot. While I don't think your daughter will hear going to a doctor to talk about feelings as criticism, she certainly could hear it as criticism if you layout all of your concerns honestly in the way you really should be able to with the physician.

[ChristaN]

We've tried counseling a few times and are giving it a try with dd10 currently.  Unfortunately, we've never found it to be highly helpful.  Dd10 is impatient and wants "fixes" not to just talk about why she's anxious or why things aren't working for her.  She also tends to snow the therapist and then walk out of there and say something totally different to me than she did the counselor.  We did try CBT with dd12 when she was about 8. 

The main issue we've had with both of our kids is that they feel talked down to or that the suggestions about "squishing" the bad thoughts or positive self-talk are condescending or not particularly helpful.  Obviously, I am not totally opposed to counseling in that we have tried it a few times, but it hasn't been a magic fix, unfortunately.

[dessismama]

My 8 yo DD is seeing a therapist for her explosiveness. It is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and it is working quite well! In fact, the therapist keeps saying she has never in her experience seen such a young child be so adept at analyzing her own behavior. Problem is DD is lightning fast with her thinking and reactions... so teaching how to slow down and take a breath before she explodes (and regrets and feels terrible later) is what we are all working on. It has been the right match for our situation!!