Potty Learning Ooops...feel like a bad mommy

[nervousmommy]

Not sure if this is the right forum...so please move if that is the case.  Thanks.

I did not do EC with my son.  I learned about it pretty late.  I've always communicated with him about what his body is doing and reassuring him that everybody's body does those things.  My son is almost 23 months old.  He's had periods of wanting to pee on the potty ( his little Baby Bjorn), he has spontaneously pooped on the potty once when he was naked running around the house.  This happened a few weeks ago.  Since I was planning on being home today for the morning, I let him go diaper free, not something I do enough.  He asked for me to put a diaper on and said pee pee.  I thought I would encourage him to sit on the potty.  Told him I needed to go and sat on the potty and went myself, he didn't want to sit on the potty, and even when he fianally did, he wouldn't pee. Well this went on for a while, and finally he started peeing in the middle of the floor.  I moved him into the bathroom and put a diaper on so he could finish, since he wanted nothing to do with the potty.  He then also pooped pretty soon after.  Now I feel like I've damaged him forever :(

He knows he has to use the potty, but he wants the diaper.  I'm nervous and worried that this will be this way for a long time.  How will he ever go in the potty if he's asking for a diaper to pee and poop.  I feel like I've done this parenting/potty thing all wrong.  I should have done EC.  I don't want to put pressure on him at all, but that's exactly what I did this morning when he asked for a diaper!  Bad Mommy Bad Mommy.

Do kids who ask for a diaper to pee and poop, eventually ask for the potty to pee and poop?  Should I put the potty away since he's having such a reaction to it?  I definitely don't want this to be a power struggle, which I totally made it that this morning.

Help!!!

[MamitaM]

Well I'm a new mama so don't have experience with this whole EC or potty learning thing,but I don't  think your a bad mama for hot doing EC or anything. your son will eventually learn to use and like the potty.

[Kuba'sMama]

You're not a bad mama!

I did not know about EC with my first son (well I knew people back in Poland did a version of this but I was under the assumption that it was cruel and unnatural). My son did learn at about 34 mos.

I knew about EC with my second daughter, but didn't do it (seemed like too much work, too overwhelming). She was potty trained at just over 2 years.

With my third, I am doing EC part time and she's having a lot of successes. I am hoping that she will learn to potty sooner than her siblings did. But do I think I am a better mommy now than I was before? no! I did the best I knew how to do at the time.

The thing to do now is to move forward. Perhaps he is not ready for potty training right now. Spring is usually a good time to start, less clothes, warmer outside. He will develop more, be more inclined to listen to what you say. Nothing is lost! I think firstborn siblings train slower than consecutive ones. I am sure he will learn though. They all do sooner or later.

[sgmom]

Originally Posted by Kuba'sMama 

I knew about EC with my second daughter, but didn't do it (seemed like too much work, too overwhelming). She was potty trained at just over 2 years.

I started with my daughter at 4 months, and she's now 26 months and while I see a light at the end of the tunnel, I can't possibly imagine her being "potty trained" (ie. trustworthy not to wet her pants) for quite some time yet. 

Yet my son is 5.5 months old, and he's already showing signs of communication. As development gets in the way though, I fully expect all of that to regress. Life's just too busy to stop to potty. 

Some kids are ready early without EC, and some start EC from birth and still struggle past 3 years old. It REALLY depends on the child. There's no way to know if you had done EC, if your child would be out of diapers or not. You're certainly not a bad mom. We're all on the same boat. We just have different oars.

[riboflavin]

Oh, please don't feel so bad! You didn't do any damage! Even if you would have EC'd from birth, there is no telling how a 2 year old will react towards the potty. So often toddlers go through periods where they want nothing to do with the potty. We had lots of potty strikes around that age, and we EC'd since 5 weeks. 

I think you are doing the right thing by modeling using the potty. There are many other things you can do to make eliminating in the potty more enticing. We tried all sorts of things to have DS regain interest. Try different potties in different places or a brightly colored potty cozy perhaps.Try special toys he can use when on the potty; like a remote control or a flashlight. Of course many people read or make up stories or sing songs while LO's are on the potty. That way it can be a special time that they may look forward too. My DS loved going in a little potty that was in front of a full length mirror. Maybe model his little toys using the potty, and/or get books and videos that show kids using the potty.

If he is extremely resistant, you can always back off for a while and re-introduce the potty with something fun in about a week. 

Good luck!