List of issue with 5.5 yo ds. Slowly being driven bonkers...sorry so long!

[applecider]

My DS is 5.5.  He started K this year but has always been somewhat of a rigid, rather explosive child.   I have read The Explosive Child, but I have also read (or browsed or started) lots of other parenting books and I just need thing simplified for me.  Here are some of our issues:

 

- screams when things don’t go his way.  Like the marble thing or lego thing he’s working on isn’t going how he wants or he can’t get a piece on or it falls apart.  He explodes and screams/ throws things.

 

- takes 1-2 hours to fall asleep at night, fidgeting, moving, talking.  Our rooms are connected and I am trying to get DS2 to sleep at the same time.

 

- when I can see that he needs to go the bathroom he’ll say he doesn’t and then hop around a bunch.  Or even if he’s already in the bathroom he’ll just hop around like he forgot what he came there for.

 

- has trouble doing ANYTHING I ask.  

 

- often wanders around aimlessly

 

- likes to say phrases and sounds over and over

 

- often when you ask him to take his coat off (this happened several times last year at preschool) if he’s distracted he’ll start taking off his pants!

 

- rigid about stuff.  Like this am for breakfast, he had to be sitting in the right chair at the right spot and was not going to eat until DS2 moved.  (which he did, willingly).  Or when playing a game/making a fort/what have you/  if things aren’t just so, he has melt-downs.

 

- of course DS 2 (almost 2) just gets a kick out of making his brother scream, knocking his stuff over, hitting him and the like.

 

- gets very upset if someone talks to him that he doesn’t want them to.  Says STOP!!!   Or NOOOO!!.  Hates it when I say good morning, good night, I love you,  you are awesome, thanks for xyz, etc.  If anyone tries to talk to him in the morning, he screams.

 

- talks about poop or butts ALL THE TIME.  It is getting very annoying, I try to ignore, but it’s hard.

 

- won’t let me sing or dance in the car (or anywhere else for that matter) or listen to what I want.  Won’t let me listen to music in the house.  

 

I am on a waiting list to have him evaluated for possible Sensory Processing Disorder or maybe ADD (which I’m pretty sure I have).  But what can I do in the meantime?  I say, stop screaming, it’s ok to be mad but not scream…you can say, I’m really frustrated.  Over and over and over.  The screaming is really getting to me.  The rudeness is really getting to me.  I don’t know how much I should be tolerating and how much I should insist on him acting a certain way.  Plus, it just makes me sad to think about how I thought things would be with kids.  It is really heart-breaking to have to walk on eggshells to make sure I am not going to set him off.  Not to mention that I am a bit sensitive to noise so the outbursts/weird noises things drive me batty.  If you have any insight, I would be so appreciative.

 

HELP!!

[Judegirl]

Hi,

I haven't been on these boards since my dd was a toddler (she's 6), so for all I know you're already all over this possibility. :)  But just in case, I wanted to let you know that my dd has multiple food sensitivities, and what you describe is EXACTLY what we deal with when she's been eating gluten, dairy, corn or soy. One candy bar or slice of cheese and she's doing the echolalia (repeating words and phrases) thing and having major behavior issues. If your ds eats gluten and dairy, I would take him off of those things immediately and see if it makes a difference.  It takes up to 6 weeks to clear, but you should see a difference within a week if he eats them regularly and he's sensitive to them. 

Good luck!
Jude

[Kuba'sMama]

I had to reply. Your ds sounds a LOT like my ds, mine is older (7). I've known he has some SPD since he was about 4. Some issues have gotten better (sensitivity to sounds, exploding when someone talks to him), some things have remained pretty much the same (going to the bathroom and seeming to forget why he's came there for ) 

I treat him like any other child, while taking into account his certain challenges, if that makes sense. So I give him plenty of notice (he HATES being rushed), I speak clearly and calmly (he HATES being yelled at as well... hard at times). I understand that some things need to be "just so", while trying not to feed into his neuroses. I think of it as a little dance between supporting him and not indulging. Some days are better than others. It also depends on other factors, such as if he's stressed about something, tired, etc.

I did not stop our life for him. We do challenge him appropriately (taking him to loud places, pushing his tolerances a bit). It's like two steps forward, one step back at all times. Now that he's older, he's learned to manage his emotions a lot better. We talk about feelings (I understand this frustrates you), and appropriate behaviours (while it is okay you are frustrated, it is NOT okay for you to yell at your sister like that). I give him space when he needs it. I don't take every thing he says when mad too personally ("I hate you" for example). We always talk about outbursts after he calms down. Not easy, as he's not "talk about his feelings kinda guy".

That's all I got so far. Like I said, it's an ongoing thing, some days are better than others. "Out of Sync Child" has some good tips as well.

Hope that helps somewhat! I'm curious what others have to say.

[applecider]

thanks for the replies ladies.  So do you think I should also post in Special Needs?  He is off gluten right now and he had a food sensitivity test about 6 months ago that said he was medium sensitive to dairy but I haven't taken him off of it yet.  Plus there was other random stuff on there.  The gluten was making his tummy hurt.  Since then he is on a probiotic and fish oil but I haven't seen much difference.  I really want to do the GaPS diet with him but it would be too hard with school and DP working out of town every week.