Nursing my 11 month old is wearing me out.

[WindyCityMom]

I thought DD, 11mos, was night weaning herself a few weeks ago (maybe it was last week.  time just mushes together now).  It didn't last more than a few days.  She's just nursing sooo much and I just can't take it.  She nurses all.night.long.  She cosleeps.  If I don't let her nurse, she's screaming at me.  She won't take a bottle or a cup so DH getting up to give her milk is not an option.  I can't just sleep and nurse because she has a sloppy latch and once she starts falling asleep at the breast, she starts biting and her latch goes funky and...ouch.  So I'm always half awake.  She will fall asleep at the breast and I can pull her off, roll over, and catch some sleep, but within 10 minutes she's screaming to be nursed again.  Other forms of soothing rarely work, and they don't work for long.

My almost 3yo wakes me up bright and early at the crack of dawn (or so it seems).  I am just a walking zombie.  I cannot function.  I cannot clean my house, I can not cook a meal. 

My 11mo is also a constant nurser during the day, despite having solids.  She eats finger foods, stuff from our plates, and some purees, and she still nurses constantly.  That is exhausting in itself.  Yesterday I had my toddler in the bath and I was sitting in the doorway nursing my 11m/o.  She would not let me away from her for a second, I had to wait an hour before my DH got home so that I could get my toddler out.  

I just feel like I can't function.  I'm yelling at my toddler, saying stuff I never thought I'd say and being generally horrible to everyone.  My house is a mess and it needs to be cleaned yet my eyes are just so sleepy and my body is just limp.  I am so tired :( Nursing is wearing me out.

[WindyCityMom]

Anyone? :(

[lcisne]

Hi, M.  I feel your pain.  I have 3-1/2 year old twins (S and T) and believe it or not, one of them (S) still nurses through the night.  One of them (T) has an autism spectrum disorder, and I have never been able to get them on the same schedule.  I am a walking zombie much of the time, and like you, I find myself saying and doing things I never thought I would, because zombie is not a good state for dealing with two challenging 3 year old boys!!  I also went through the biting thing, exactly as you described ... i.e., just as he was falling asleep, one of my boys would accidentally bite me.  It was horrible because I kept waiting to catch the bite, to stop it, but if I tried to delatch too soon, he would wake and cry and I would have to start all over again putting him to sleep!!  argh!  Even now my boys are asleep in the next room and S will wake up any second and cry and I will have to go nurse him back to sleep, or else ... yes, or else.  or else he will be awake and cranky and a nightmare all afternoon.  he cannot adjust.  I took someone else's advice and tried a few months ago to help him outgrow naps so this wouldn't happen, but that was a disaster.  Just in case, I'm posting now, because I may get interrupted before I can type more.  I want you to know you're not alone, though, even if I never get to finish this post LOL.

Zombie in Atlanta

[WindyCityMom]

Thanks, good to know I'm not alone in the never ending nursing.  Hope things get better for you too!

[lcisne]

So ... I have never figured out the magic bullet.  However, S does not have the biting issue anymore.  I became sort of an expert at catching him to delatch him, before he bit me, and somehow at some point it stopped happening.  I have lived in a fog for 3 years, so I can't tell you when it happened, but it DID.  I can tell you from experience that for some kids, night weaning is not the answer, because I tried that too.  It was a disaster.  He just has that temperament, he needs that level of closeness and reassurance, and trying to wean him just made for worse nights with less sleep.  I got a lot of advice to nightwean them, but it was truly awful.  I tried just letting him sleep with Daddy, but that didn't always work so well.  Now, that said, there have been occasions when I've been able to get extra sleep at bedtime or in the morning, and this requires Daddy's help.  This really helps a lot, but can be tricky to do.  It sort of involves me going to bed early, and Daddy just doing whatever it takes to keep the boys happy.  They stay up later than they should, usually, but through the use of reading, and letting the baby have fun until he sort of falls asleep with Daddy on the sofa, I can at least get in a good several hour snooze.  Often, S will fall asleep with Daddy like that but then wake and cry for Mommy half way through the night.  Sometimes, Daddy will take S and T in the morning after they wake and let me sleep in.  But it sounds like maybe Daddy is not available to help you in this way?

If you do want to try to night wean, I recommend Elizabeth Pantley's gentle no-cry sleep solution, which helped me in a lot of ways, although I didn't completely solve my problem.

Other ideas:  have you tried napping with the children?  keeping up the 3 year old so he sleeps in later?

[WindyCityMom]

My stb 3yo doesn't nap anymore, and is very particular about her bedtimes @ waketimes.  We also do Waldorf and have a daily rhythm, and it has been working well for her for the most part.  My 11 month old is just throwing me off :(

And even if my older DD were to go to bed at 12am and wake up at noon, I'd still be a walking zombie because my 11m/o doesn't stop nursing.  :( 

Right now her big sister made a fort out of blankets so they're playing together.  It's been a little over 2 hours since she last nursed :joy

[lcisne]

oh boy!  if your 3 year old has a rhythm, then I definintely wouldn't mess with it, as mine just can't seem to catch one (because they are so different, I think).  but if I come up with any brilliant ideas, I'll let you know ... I sure did do a LOT of research, LOL, most of which I am too foggy to recall.  There really IS something to that whole business about eating a snack right before bed, I read recently.  they proved it in adults.  you can reset your biological clock when you have jet lag by eating a high protein meal at the right time....

[konayossie]

I feel your pain, mama. DS has always just been a terrible sleeper, and he loves his boobies. I am so glad we co-sleep or I think I would have collapsed a long time ago, but even still, at 19 mos, DS is oftentimes on the "wakeup-every-30-minutes" schedule at night, and I WOH, which means I have to get up at 7 no matter how awful the night before was. It's worst on nights where he wakes up and cries instead of just wanting to latch on. We've been through a rough patch just in the last week with lots of crying during the night, and I've been feeling really down. I oftentimes find that we'll be going through a worse time than usual and so I'll feel worse and consequently be more resentful of DS or nursing and then feel better after we're not in such a rough patch.

Since I am not a napper (and neither is DS), my only option for getting more sleep is going to bed earlier, and me and DS are usually in bed by 9. I can tell a big difference from going to bed earlier. Would you be able to try that? Could your DH watch your older child/take over bedtime so you can go down earlier?

For me, things got a lot easier psychologically when I just let go of my expectations that I was "supposed" to get a nice, solid 8 hrs and that DS was "supposed" to be sleeping by now. Unfortunately, there's no magic bullet (I've decided from perusing EVERY "help me get my baby to sleep!" post ever....).

I am guessing it's not the nursing that's wearing on you as much as the lack of sleep. I just try to tell myself how much harder life would be if I didn't have nursing to comfort DS.

[WindyCityMom]

Please no flames!

Last night, I got out the Pack n' play that has been packed away since I had my DD1 (except when we've let others use it).  I set it up next to the couch, and I slept on the couch while DD2 slept in it.  Our night went like this:

10:30- baby down after being nursed.

12:00am- she woke up, was able to fall back to sleep after being rocked to sleep. (Nursed briefly before that, for maybe a minute).  

4am- woke up again (when the cat snuggled up to her :lol ), nursed to sleep, put her back in, she was good.

7am- woke up for the day (my alarm clock woke us up), nursed,and was good.

Our day then went like this (after the 7am nursing).

12:00 noon- nursed, went down for nap in playpen.

3:00pm- woke up from her nap happy as a clam. (Are clams really happy?)

5:45pm- She nursed again.

Right now, I'm getting ready to give her dinner (big sister and I ate dinner with grandma, baby wasn't interested).

My day has seriously been awesome.  I've been distracting her when she's wanted to nurse and she has taken to that very well and doesn't seem upset at all.  She didn't sleep through the night, but waking up to nurse her and then putting her back down was much better in terms of getting more rest than nursing half asleep all night long!

[rachieface]

Quote:

Originally Posted by WindyCityMom 

My day has seriously been awesome.  I've been distracting her when she's wanted to nurse and she has taken to that very well and doesn't seem upset at all.  She didn't sleep through the night, but waking up to nurse her and then putting her back down was much better in terms of getting more rest than nursing half asleep all night long!

I don't think anyone would flame you for that!  It sounds great!  We actually don't cosleep really ever anymore, because we discovered that baby sleeps better in his crib now.  Don't forget that your needs matter too...do what it takes to get some sleep (obviously, while respecting your daughter's needs too).  Also, did you try posting this in Nighttime Parenting?
 

[WindyCityMom]

Goodness, didn't even think of that.  I'm still getting used to things, I forgot that that section even existed!

Well, small update, I started nursing her on demand again because I was getting a little engorged and that's no fun.  I gave her a sippy cup for the first time today and she loves it, so I'm thinking she could take water in that and maybe some EBM if there's ever a need for it too.

We are also co-sleeping again, but since I didn't sleep with her for a few days, she has kind of gotten herself into a pattern and no longer nurses all night long :joy