Question re. meltodowns and tantrums?

[davidsmom184]

What exactly is the difference? I'd like to know, so as to handle things the best way possible. :)

[NiteNicole]

I don't know how other people define them, but to me a "meltdown" happens when my child is over tired, hungry, over stimulated, end of a long day, needs a break and a nap and some quiet time.  It is not premeditated.  While something could set it off (being told no about something) it's more of a breakdown, falling apart and less of throwing a fit on purpose to get something she wants. 

A tantrum is deciding to throw a fit to get what she wants.  I'm not sure that's ever happened.  She has melted down at the end of a long day when she needs a nap, some food, and a bit of quiet but I can't think of a time she's THROWN a fit out of temper or in a manipulative way.

These are just how I differentiate them for myself, I don't know if there's an "official" definition.

[PNWmama]

Hmmm...I guess to me they are the same.  Or maybe my ds only has meltdowns and never a tantrum?  If a tantrum is manipulative, then he's never had one.  He's had meltdowns when he's wanted something he can't have, but in that case he's always had some other issue going on as well, i.e. hunger, tiredness, sensory things (though often it's a mystery to me and I have no idea).  If he's feeling fine and wants something that he can't have then I can usually distract him or offer him something else and he'll move on.

How are you wanting to handle things differently with a meltdown vs. tantrum?  To me, at least in my experience with my DS who has autism, it's never a case of him trying to be "bad" or manipulate me, even though sometimes it seems that way.  It always stems from some need that isn't being met, whether sensory, hunger, etc.

[NataliaI]

Originally Posted by PNWmama 
  To me, at least in my experience with my DS who has autism, it's never a case of him trying to be "bad" or manipulate me, even though sometimes it seems that way.  It always stems from some need that isn't being met, whether sensory, hunger, etc.

This is how I feel too. 

All behavior is communication.  What is my child telling me?