I am so mad!

[chase_mommy]

Hi ladies, I don't post on Mothering much anymore bc of a pesky ex friend who feels the need to know whats going on in my life and stalks me here but I have had a real bad day and can use some of your support.

Today my son had a GI appointment.  We have been having some odd things going on with his penis the past month.  It gets really swollen, red, lumpy looken, bumps or any combination of the four.  He still pees fine and isn't in any pain from it.  I made sure it isn't hernia related since he has has a couple hernia surgeries.  Anyway, it just happened to be puffed up today while we had this appointment and I asked the Dr to take a look at it.  Before I took his diaper off I told the Dr.  "do not retract his foreskin".  When he started touching him pulling at his foreskin I repeated "Do not retract his foreskin". He kept pulling it back and I angrily said " DO NOT RETRACT HIS FORESKIN!".  Then I had to smack his hands off my son while I yelled at him "DO NOT RETRACT HIM!!!   I am beyond mad at this point.  The Dr. looks at me and says "You don't retract his foreskin when you bath him?"  I am in total shock that this ha just happened and he is clearly a believer in retracting and I am blanking on why I don't so I just say "yes I retract him".  Then he asked me why he cant and I tell him because he is my son and I am the only one that is going to do it, "I am just a weird mom like that"  He then went on to ask if it hurt when i retract it (I say no) and that if I don't retract it and clean it properly he will get a build up of smegma and it will cause him pain and eventually his foreskin wouldn't retract and his skin could grow to his head causing pain and issues.  I just nodded trying to get the heck out of there before I knocked the crap out of him and started to cry. 

My son never cried during this process so I am pretty sure he wasn't hurt but I actually saw the opening to his urethra before I got the Dr off of him.  So please tell me I stopped this in time.  He didn't actually retract my son did he?  And how frickin dare he do that!  And how many parents just let this creep do it because 1) he is a Dr and 2) he throws out big fancy words and says some scary things.  I am starting to hate Drs really.  UGH!  I am SO mad and frustrated here!!

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

Yes he did retract your ds if you saw his urethra. Odds are no damage was done. But how dare he continue to try and do it with you standing there saying no. That is a huge lack of respect on his part and honestly him going that far if you can at all find a new Dr. even if it is a family Dr. instead of a ped.

I to have had to remove a Dr's hands from my ds after telling him no and him not stopping it sucks and makes you feel so powerless. After the second time I stopped all touching of the penis I moved it around if need be (the penis not the foreskin) and the Dr. was Ok with that other than giving me a funny look.

If you have the time I would put together a letter telling him why what he did was wrong and links talking about the damage of retraction for a child.

[chase_mommy]

Thanks for replying.  I am still steaming mad and I have gotten very little empathy from my family and friends.  A letter is a good idea and I will get on that as soon as I am able to.  As far as us seeing him again, that is not ever going to happen.  What a complete jerk, who has the right to touch any of my children in any way after I have told them not to?  There is another GI specialist close by and we will see her if we are needing to see one.  This whole situation is so aggravating.. my son is a preemie and has seen 10+ Dr's in his short life and we have never had any issues.  He is a frickin pediatric specialist you would think he would be up to date on things... this whole thing saddens me.  I can't help but to think about how many other babies that he could be doing this to, so so sad. 

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

It is sad and scary to think of the damage he could be doing :(

There is a lawyer who will send him a letter to him free of charge. The letter tells him that what he did is wrong, why and how he could be sued for it. The letter isnt saying he will sue just what he could be opening himself up for. The only way Dr's/healthcare workers are going to learn is if someone takes the time to let them know they are doing wrong. Sometimes talking to them does the trick but other times like with this Dr. they need a bigger nudge.

Email him at [e-mail]

Before you contact John, you will need the following information:

The name of the doctor or nurse who did this, the name of his/her practice and their (snail) mailing address.

The name of the hospital where the doctor has privileges, (the hospital where they practice) and the mailing address. (even if it didn’t happen at the hospital)

The name of the CEO or Administrator of the hospital. (even if it didn't happen in the hospital, find out where the offending doctor has privileges and send it to those hospitals)

The name of the hospital's risk manager.

The name of the head of the department (OB, peds, emergency, etc.)

Letters will also be sent to:

The state medical board in your state.

The Joint Commission on Accreditation of Healthcare Organizations (hospitals fear them like a boogeyman).