If she doesn't pick up her daughter by 10:30 PM my husband wants to call the police! CRAZY 2011... - Page 2

[JollyGG]

I guess I would give her the benefit of the doubt. Considering she didn't leave enough diapers or a change of clothes I would assume she really didn't think she would be as long as she has been. I would be irritated that she hadn't returned your calls but I would wait for the explanation before getting too upset just yet.

Totally different situation but I remember leaving early for work one day for my job with plans to stop and check on my sick aunt on the way to work in the next town over and I didn't home for three days. It cascaded into meetings with several doctors and ended with me holding my aunts hand while she passed away before coming home to my son. I hadn't taken a change of clothes or more importantly my breast pump with me. So I guess I can understand how a family emergency can take longer than expected. (Though I did keep in phone contact with my husband I don't think I answered my cell phone even once since I was in ICU with my aunt, he ended up just having to wait for me to call to find out what was going on). I'm sure I did stop for food on the way home as I'm not entirely sure what I did for food most of those three days. They were kinda a haze. But once I did get a break I'm sure I needed to eat before I could care for someone else.

Edited by JollyGG - 11/15/10 at 8:08pm

[purslaine]

[Tigerchild]

At midnight, I would call.

It's possible that she's turned off her phone, and so she doesn't know that DH sent her that message.  I would ask for advice at that point.  Explain that she is now seven hours late from the original time, and it's been 4 (?) hours since her last text saying she would be there shortly and that you have received *no* voice contact since drop off.

I hate to say this, but you don't know who is texting you.  Her phone/car could have been stolen.  If she was attending to family business, like meeting with an abusive person in her life, they could have seriously injured her.  The lack of voice contact is very disturbing. 

You have to look at this not from a zOMG EVIL CPS standpoint, but from a very serious safety standpoint.  Until you make voice contact with her, you have no idea if she has been receiving or capable of recieving any information since she dropped off her daughter.  And if she shows up later, you can tell her that you started the process of filing a report because you were worried sick about her--the behavior was odd, uncharacteristic, and because you couldn't hear her voice you didn't know if it was really her or if someone had gotten her phone.

I guess you could always text that to her "Need voice contact, if you don't call or show up by X I am contacting police because I am concerned for your safety".

[Mrs.Music]

Unless you think she is abandoning her child, you shouldn't call the police. But you should really give her a piece of your mind when she comes back around! I had someone do this to me once. She left her kid with me all the time. It creates a very annoying pattern. At least I was his nanny, so I was totally prepared.

[Callimom]

I agree with Tigerchild completely. (why didn't it quote?)

OP I hope it all gets resolved completely.

Karen

[texmati]

Originally Posted by Tigerchild 

At midnight, I would call.

It's possible that she's turned off her phone, and so she doesn't know that DH sent her that message.  I would ask for advice at that point.  Explain that she is now seven hours late from the original time, and it's been 4 (?) hours since her last text saying she would be there shortly and that you have received *no* voice contact since drop off.

I hate to say this, but you don't know who is texting you.  Her phone/car could have been stolen.  If she was attending to family business, like meeting with an abusive person in her life, they could have seriously injured her.  The lack of voice contact is very disturbing. 

You have to look at this not from a zOMG EVIL CPS standpoint, but from a very serious safety standpoint.  Until you make voice contact with her, you have no idea if she has been receiving or capable of recieving any information since she dropped off her daughter.  And if she shows up later, you can tell her that you started the process of filing a report because you were worried sick about her--the behavior was odd, uncharacteristic, and because you couldn't hear her voice you didn't know if it was really her or if someone had gotten her phone.

I guess you could always text that to her "Need voice contact, if you don't call or show up by X I am contacting police because I am concerned for your safety".

This is a very good point- I had not even thought of that.

[MusicianDad]

Originally Posted by Tigerchild 

At midnight, I would call.

It's possible that she's turned off her phone, and so she doesn't know that DH sent her that message.  I would ask for advice at that point.  Explain that she is now seven hours late from the original time, and it's been 4 (?) hours since her last text saying she would be there shortly and that you have received *no* voice contact since drop off.

I hate to say this, but you don't know who is texting you.  Her phone/car could have been stolen.  If she was attending to family business, like meeting with an abusive person in her life, they could have seriously injured her.  The lack of voice contact is very disturbing. 

You have to look at this not from a zOMG EVIL CPS standpoint, but from a very serious safety standpoint.  Until you make voice contact with her, you have no idea if she has been receiving or capable of recieving any information since she dropped off her daughter.  And if she shows up later, you can tell her that you started the process of filing a report because you were worried sick about her--the behavior was odd, uncharacteristic, and because you couldn't hear her voice you didn't know if it was really her or if someone had gotten her phone.

I guess you could always text that to her "Need voice contact, if you don't call or show up by X I am contacting police because I am concerned for your safety".

Originally Posted by Mrs.Music 

Unless you think she is abandoning her child, you shouldn't call the police. But you should really give her a piece of your mind when she comes back around! I had someone do this to me once. She left her kid with me all the time. It creates a very annoying pattern. At least I was his nanny, so I was totally prepared.

I'm flip flopping between these two. I can't see calling the police because she's insanely late, but at the same time unless she's actually spoken to you, you have no clue who is sending the texts.

[Mrs.Music]

Originally Posted by MusicianDad 

I'm flip flopping between these two. I can't see calling the police because she's insanely late, but at the same time unless she's actually spoken to you, you have no clue who is sending the texts.

That's a good point... It could be a safety issue for the mother...
 

[Celtain]

Wow, just wow :(

[nola79]

I'd call, for so many reasons.

[pianojazzgirl]

Oh wow, I hadn't even thought that it could be someone else sending the texts. I absolutely agree with the pp's idea to leave a message like this:

"Need voice contact, if you don't call or show up by X I am contacting police because I am concerned for your safety".

[StoriesInTheSoil]

My very first thought was along the lines of what Tigerchild posted.  What if she was meeting someone unsavory, an abusive ex perhaps, and something happened and it isn't her texting at all?  I really think that it would be prudent to speak with a police officer and find out what to do.  Maybe call the non-emergency line and talk to an officer at the station instead of a 911 dispatcher?

[Lisa1970]

The problem is, if she is on drugs or something, the police need to be called now so they can make a record of it. Calling them in 6 months from now when you find out she is leaving her child home alone and telling them what she has done in the past won't help. From all you have said, I highly suspect the mother is using drugs. The child is already traumatized and you need to step in now, while you still can. Before it is too late. Too often, people turn their backs on children who are being abused or neglected, because they do not want to rock the boat. I think at this point, you need to call the police.

[ASusan]

Call the police. Maybe it's because I'm in a community where 4 people recently went missing, and 3 are presumed dead, but my heart is absolutely racing for this mother and her little girl. I hope the girl is sleeping peacefully now.

[waiting2bemommy]

ok, do you know any of her family? any of her other friends? does she have internet access from her phone to update a facebook or twitter account? does she have an ex whose number/address you know? did she give you any information about where she might be stopping to eat or where she priginally was going? Before i called the police, I would call her mother or father or any other close family member, any friends she has that she might have stopped by to see, if I didn't have their numbers and knew where they lived I might actually go over there. If she DOES have an abusive family member I would try going to her house and seeing if she is actually there.

It could be something as simple as her having a man over that she didn't want around her dd, and it lasting longer than she thought and she is embarrassed to tell you. Of course that is not a good excuse by any stretch but then you could chew her out personally, lol, and skip the police drama.

I have a SO who is always going out for hours longer than planned and I have never called the cops on him, but I surely do find him almost every time. It just takes some sleuthing.  And while I agree it's not your job, I still think that is preferable to calling the police right off the bat.

i'm assuming she is single or you would have called her husband????

[gbailey]

Mom showed up about 20 minutes ago saying she was sorry she was so late but this and that and that and this. It all amounted to her needing some time away. I needed to know what would prevent her from calling to check up on her DD, giving me a courtesy call and not calling when I said it was urgent.She rationalized I would handle it. She knew her daughter was safe. I would be patient. Her DD likes being around me and my DD. The family matter was her wanting some quiet time. The "family matter" was really a movie that led to several other things she was able to do without her DD. She needed the quiet. A meal by herself. Still speechless. DH told her she should thank her lucky stars I convinced him to not call the police. I told her had she not pulled this I would have been glad to have her daughter spend the night or given her some time during the day if she was honest or acted responsibly. You pick up the phone. I worried for her and I worried for her DD. She said she was sorry but I don't buy it. DH doesn't buy it. He's normally laid back, mind you business type but wants to call CPS. He won't. He'll cool off by tomorrow.

I wish she would have expressed her stress level to me. I would have kept her daughter for a day. If she asked me to keep her overnight  we could have arranged that too but what she did is just not okay. Motherhood stresses me out sometimes too but even if DD is with her daddy I call and check in. I'm trying to be empathetic towards her but I'm very angry.

[Chamomile Girl]

Holy carp!  Unbelieveable.  Her poor daughter.  And poor you!
 

Originally Posted by gbailey 

Mom showed up about 20 minutes ago saying she was sorry she was so late but this and that and that and this. It all amounted to her needing some time away. I needed to know what would prevent her from calling to check up on her DD, giving me a courtesy call and not calling when I said it was urgent.She rationalized I would handle it. She knew her daughter was safe. I would be patient. Her DD likes being around me and my DD. The family matter was her wanting some quiet time. The "family matter" was really a movie that led to several other things she was able to do without her DD. She needed the quiet. A meal by herself. Still speechless. DH told her she should thank her lucky stars I convinced him to not call the police. I told her had she not pulled this I would have been glad to have her daughter spend the night or given her some time during the day if she was honest or acted responsibly. You pick up the phone. I worried for her and I worried for her DD. She said she was sorry but I don't buy it. DH doesn't buy it. He's normally laid back, mind you business type but wants to call CPS. He won't. He'll cool off by tomorrow.

I wish she would have expressed her stress level to me. I would have kept her daughter for a day. If she asked me to keep her overnight  we could have arranged that too but what she did is just not okay. Motherhood stresses me out sometimes too but even if DD is with her daddy I call and check in. I'm trying to be empathetic towards her but I'm very angry.

[tinuviel_k]

Wow! So she lied about having a "family matter." She went off by herself to watch a movie, get dinner, and lord knows what else. She was 3.5 hours late, refused to answer any of your urgent calls, texted only once, and didn't leave her daughter with the needed supplies. And then she had the nerve to casually say, "Oh, I knew you could handle it?" ?!?!?!?!

I would NEVER babysit for this woman ever again. What a horrible, stressful, rude thing to do.

[APToddlerMama]

Originally Posted by gbailey 

Mom showed up about 20 minutes ago saying she was sorry she was so late but this and that and that and this. It all amounted to her needing some time away. I needed to know what would prevent her from calling to check up on her DD, giving me a courtesy call and not calling when I said it was urgent.She rationalized I would handle it. She knew her daughter was safe. I would be patient. Her DD likes being around me and my DD. The family matter was her wanting some quiet time. The "family matter" was really a movie that led to several other things she was able to do without her DD. She needed the quiet. A meal by herself. Still speechless. DH told her she should thank her lucky stars I convinced him to not call the police. I told her had she not pulled this I would have been glad to have her daughter spend the night or given her some time during the day if she was honest or acted responsibly. You pick up the phone. I worried for her and I worried for her DD. She said she was sorry but I don't buy it. DH doesn't buy it. He's normally laid back, mind you business type but wants to call CPS. He won't. He'll cool off by tomorrow.

I wish she would have expressed her stress level to me. I would have kept her daughter for a day. If she asked me to keep her overnight  we could have arranged that too but what she did is just not okay. Motherhood stresses me out sometimes too but even if DD is with her daddy I call and check in. I'm trying to be empathetic towards her but I'm very angry.

 WOW.  I am speechless.  Are you certain that she wasn't on drugs? 

[waiting2bemommy]

I see this from 2 angles:

angle A) She knew you were a trusted friend, she was at teh end of her rope mentally and emotionally and it was imperative that she get away from her child before she hurt her or did soemthing she would regret. She knew she could trust you and she was afraid to say upfront just what she needed for fear you would say no or think she was silly.

Angle b) she knew you were a trusted friend and so she took advantage of your kindness to go off and do her own thing and be incredibly inconsiderate and selfish.

I think it would depend on the context of your friendship overall, which way I took it.