Help with boundares

[NewMom0208]

My ex is always trying my patience.

This coming weekend was his turn with our toddler. Hwe texts me that he has an event on Friday and whether I can have him Friday, he would pick him up Saturday morninjg and he would take him on Monday as exchange for the Friday. I agreed.

Well a common friend asked me to come to his house on Sunday with my son and I explain I don't have my son this weekend so he says "oh he is going to Orlando with Dad?" It turned out my ex doesn't have an event on Friday, he is out to Orlando for the weekend

Which means. He will not pick up his son Saturday as agreed. God know what excuse he will give me

He doesn't pay a cent for his son but he has money to go to Orlando.

I pay daycare, daycare supplies. healthcare, everything My friend made me swear I won't say a thing when he saw the shock on my face.

I am so drained. It is always something...I don't like the lies, the disrespect and the abuse

I think I will just suck it up. Won't face him but never again will accommodate to his schedule needs. I will just say "sorry, I can't"

What do you think?  Any advise

Edited by NewMom0208 - 11/16/10 at 5:31pm

[doubledutch]

so, he said he's going to pick your ds up saturday, but you heard he's going to be out of town all weekend?  i would need to know the answer.  i'd text or email, saying you heard he was going to be in orlando and wanted to confirm he is still picking ds up saturday and returning him monday.

why should you suck it up?  what is your reason for not clarifying this with him?  the friend could be wrong, in which case you're planning to have ds all weekend, even though you told stbx he could take him saturday through monday.

[doubledutch]

i'm also wondering why he doesn't contribute.  do you have custody and support orders?  if not, that would be a good step toward establishing some better boundaries and gaining some security and predictability for your child.  if you do, but they are not being enforced, find out if you have an option to have his wages garnished.  in my state, child support is automatically enforced by the state if the mother is on any kind of public assistance; if she's not, then she can pay a small fee to have the state enforce it.  something like that may be available to you.

[NewMom0208]

Child support...that is enforced, but because my salary is higher than his I am the one who should give him Child support. He could even had fought for alimony! thankfully he was to proud to do that.

The only reason I dont pay him is because I became 100% responsible for the whole day care and 100% of the kid's life insurance.

I hear you and I did consulted with two lawyers and read the law. I have no legal tools to make him financially responsible.

He has the kid 50% of the time, he makes less money, I get no child support.

My son needed a yellow from for doctor and he wanted me to do it so I would pay the co-payment. I refused and I said you figure it out.

Financially he does not exist. And, of course, I can tell you stories... he almost got me to buy him a flat screen TV for his place!!!

I guess you are right about facing him, I guess I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt and wait and see if he

ll show up Sat...I'll confirm he is indeed doing it. Thanks!

[doubledutch]

does he actually take your child 50% of the time, and provide all of your child's needs during his half?  (well obviously not if he doesn't pay half of childcare, but other than that!)  if he truly does that, and provides meals and whatever else your child needs, then i guess that is fair that he doesn't owe child support, but it's dumb that he doesn't pay any of child care or medical expenses.  he should pay his share, taking into account what he earns (or is capable of earning) compared to what you earn.  if you earn double what he does, then he should pay 1/3 and you 2/3.  you've got a crappy deal worked out here.

it sounds like you are supposed to pay child support but don't because you pay all of the childcare expenses.  did you get that in the court orders, that you owe no child support because you are solely responsible for childcare?  if not - if the court orders state that you are responsible for paying child support - then he could sue you for arrears even if you have a verbal agreement that you don't have to pay.

do you feel sorry for this guy or guilty for splitting up with him?  i'm just curious, because my situation is similar and i have to try very hard not to get suckered into paying for stuff.