Realizing other people have different priorities

[allisonrose]

My next door neighbors have a daughter who is around 2.5 y/o. Hubby recently mentioned they have a new car sitting in their driveway. The next day I was going somewhere and noticed it was a two door. I started thinking that you couldn't pay me enough to own a two door car with a toddler when I realized that the inconvenience for me would stem from the fact that my 2 y/o is still RFing. I imagine this inconvenience would be greatly reduced if you have a FF child.

(Apologies for the relatively frivolous post but hubby just looked at me when I pointed this out and I thought the ladies at MDC would get what I'm saying.)

[CrystalCloud]

People really do. It's hard for me because in this specific topic, my husband and I have different priorities.

[dakotablue]

its hard... Especially when it come to things about safety of children. My sister had her DD in a carseat that was much too small for longer than she should, but they were tight on money and didn't have her in the car much, BUT I offered to let her borrow my extra car seat (in our second car rarely used) until they could get one. She never came and got it and my parents ended up buying her one.

I don't want to judge, but its frustrating because to me it seems so clear, but to her it was a gray issue.

[AllyRae]

I'm kind of lost...you said her child was 2 1/2, right?  That's a perfectly acceptable time to turn a child forward facing....

Now, you still couldn't pay me enough to have a 2 door with a toddler, or any child, because it's a constant PITA for me to get *any* child in the back seat in a 2 door, forward facing or not. :lol:  But, yeah, that's why I don't have one.  Other people do have different priorities, and that's great.  In this case, the priority is not really putting the child in danger, as the AAP does say that turning a child around after 2 is fine.  Not everyone believes in extended rear facing, just like they don't agree with co-sleeping or vaccinating or breastfeeding past a year.  For me personally, if they are not putting their child in grave danger, to each his own I guess.  Mainly because I don't really want people coming back and dissing on my choices. :lol:

[fuzzylogic]

I'm a carsicker.  So were my kids---RF makes it that much worse.  We turned them around long before we were supposed to.....I just couldn't see that making the poor things barf on a daily basis was at all productive.

[Honey693]

Maybe the two door is just an adult car and the kid never rides in it.  The only reason I wouldn't have a two door with kids is b/c it's a PITA.  You can fit rear facing kids in one, we do it in my mom's car.  It just makes me want to scream.  It's incredibly hard to get DD buckled in and you have to either crawl in the back to do it or stand there with your butt sticking out.  I guess if you had a tiny butt that'd be ok, but yeah that's not me.

[DahliaRW]

Really, I don't have a huge problem with people turning their kids forward at 2.  I personally keep mine rfing longer, but even rfing to 2 is a huge improvement on ffing at 1 and 20.  Each parent is entitled to make their own decision, even if it's not one we'd make for our own children.

[bri276]

When I was a nanny I had a 2 door and put the baby in RF every day.  No big deal.  Also, their 2.5 yr old could be over 35 lbs and too big for RF anyway.  If not, they likely soon will be, and a car lasts many years. 

[OkiMom]

Honestly we have a 2 door car.. We have it because our "family" vehicle broke down and we haven't had the money to buy a new one. Becuase of that we have all 4 (yes, 4, two adults, two children) in our two door car. We are getting a van before the next one is born! Id hate someone to think that I loved my kids less because circumstances made it so we only have the one small car.. 

[sunnymw]

Do they have a second vehicle? I let my 2yo and 4yo ride FFing in other vehicles, just not our primary vehicle. If we had a two door car I wouldn't have any issues with them FFing in seats with deep wings for good SIP, especially if it was the secondary vehicle.

[tbone_kneegrabber]

Well we had a 2 door car and ds was rear facing until past 2.  My priorities included, the car was free, it got AMAZING gas mileage.  The great gas mileage was WAY MORE important to me than the relative inconvenience of putting my kid in his car seat, so yes, people have different priorities.  Different does equate "bad" or "wrong".

[delightedbutterfly]

I have to say that posts like these are why I had HUGE mommy guilt last week. Which doesn't help the fact that I think I am back to suffering from some sort of SAD.

I don't actually have different priorities. I am very safety minded and love my children very dearly. I drive my family and friends nuts with carseat safety...

Yet last week at 2years and 4 months I switched my youngest child's carseat from rearfacing to forward facing. And it I felt GUILTY for it. Yet I know that was stupid. My guilt wasn't because I thought I was making a stupid choice. I had weighed the pros and cons and felt that turning her was an ok choice. The guilt came because I was afraid of what "others" would think. We all make choices for our children and my reasons for turning or not turning would not be clear to our neighbours or strangers.

First off we drive a mid-large size SUV that sits on a Truck frame, so it doesn't have the tippy problems that SUV's have. Second our back seat is more than generous that I can put her in the middle seat next to her sister and third I didn't have much choice at that moment. The door handle broke on my eldest's side and so to get them both in and properly buckled until I could get it in to be fixed I felt it was going to be better to turn her. Her safety is number one to me but I felt that even though she is turned I still am trying to maximize the safety benefits in the car.

While I can understand your intentions of the post, I think we always need to be looking at why we are making such sweeping and broad judgements. I get frustrated when I see an 11 month old turned forward facing, I do. But I have spent a lot of time realizing that in the big scheme of things THEY are the parents and have made their choice.

When our first was little we had a 2 door car and yes it was a pain. But mainly because I *thought* I knew better and actually knew nothing at all. It wasn't terrible putting her in and out because she was in an infant seat but regardless forward or rear facing I can see how it would prove annoying and difficult to get their child in and out. But then our neighbours have a two door car with their 3 year old and it doesn't bother them.

The safety of their child is still probably #1 on their priority list. But yes they probably do make different choices. That doesn't make them wrong, or bad parents or uninformed or anything else other than different. I think we can always learn from other's who are different even if we don't agree with them.

[fuzzylogic]

Thank you.  The mommy guilt olympics on this board are amazing.

[allisonrose]

I should say that I didn't assume 2 door vehicle=they don't care about their kid's safety. As I said having a two door car would annoy me while loading and unloading my son from his seat. Yes, my 2 y/o is still RFing. Yes, I hope that he will still be RFing at 2.5 y/o.  I used my hubby's two door car for a week or two (before we replaced it because it was becoming unreliable) and it did drive me nuts. Especially since I struggled to install a carseat in the back seat so I was repeatedly climbing in and out of it. My dad has a two door car so when we visit him, I install our Scenera that we travel with in his backseat rearfacing. Again climbing in and out of the back seat each time to get my son into his seat is a pain. I suspect that it would be a bit more convenient to have him FF in that situation but I chose not to.

The car was brand new with dealer plates still I did make the assumption that it would have cost them roughly the same amount of money to purchase a 4 door vehicle. Yes, they do have another vehicle so it is entirely possible that they use the other car as their family car.

I am also not a fan of 2 door cars because the door tend to be larger than 4 door cars so more care has to be taken when opening the door so to not ding the car parked next door. In the past, we had a black vehicle that got repeatedly dinged along the doors because of people carelessly throwing open their doors and banging it.

[allisonrose]

I apologize to those who felt offended by my post. It certainly wasn't my intention.

[is it puppies?]

Originally Posted by fuzzylogic 

I'm a carsicker.  So were my kids---RF makes it that much worse.  We turned them around long before we were supposed to.....I just couldn't see that making the poor things barf on a daily basis was at all productive.

sooo not trying to hijack but I am wondering about that...DH and I both get motion sick on an elevator we are hoping poor DD hasn't inherited that!

[an_aurora]

I get horrible motion sickness too and my kids all RF until at least 3 with no issues. 

[Shanny2032]

For every one of us there is a thresh hold - how long is it OK to breastfeed and when does it become "weird", same with co sleeping, rear facing and a million other issues.  My child will be doing all 3 of those things as long as I decide - not anyone else.  I'm thinking about 5-6 on all 3 right now but check back in a few years :). 

But for every person I "judge" for not nursing, CIO or early FF there is another judging me for still doing those things at her second birthday party next week.  On one hand it is sad but on the other hand it is life and wouldn't it be boring if we were all the same?

[Marsupialmom]

You mention people not having the same priority.  Now days most 2 doors are lower cost cars.  Their priorities might have been having a car they can afford.  Maximizing the time they can spend with their family. 

When I left my first husband.  I had a child and ended up with a two door.  It was a PITA.  Not my first option but at the same time it was not undo able.  I had it until I got pregnant with my 3rd child.  

Larger is not always safe, or better. 

[SubliminalDarkness]

*shrug* We bought a two door car when DS2 was still rearfacing. We kept him rearfacing. Yes. It was a pain in the butt, but we did it.

It can be frustrating when other people do things we don't think are the best thing to do. But, at least we're talking about a 2 1/2 year old and not a 6 month old.