Point me in the right direction please.

[MammaB21]

DD is 4 and a half and since about the age of 3 she's been a hand full. She was always a really easy baby and toddler. We never experienced the terrible twos. I only started noticing behavioral issues with her at age 3. At first I thought it was just a stage. I attributed it to one thing or another. We've had a rough last few years with lots of changes in her life. Her bio dad and I divorced and she's at his house every other weekend. I have a fiance and a 3 month old DS. But I'm beginning to see that there are issues that go deeper than just difficulties with these changes. I'm really at a loss and my parenting is being compromised. I'm yelling way more than I should and with a new baby who needs me, I'm just not giving DD what she needs and I know that. I'd really like to explore this and find some things that may help her. I suspect SPD and ADHD but I have no idea where to start. Here's a composition of some of the issues we're dealing with.

DD seems to be sensory seeking. She has seemingly 0 boundaries for safety. She doesn't seem to have concept of personal space and is constantly right up in someones face. She crawls all over the furniture often trying to get up as high as possible. She likes the TV or radio to be extremely loud. She doesn't seem to 'hear' us when we call her name or try to address her. She needs tasks repeated constantly and we have to work really hard to get her to pay attention. She'll say "okay okay okay okay" but be looking all over the place and swinging her arms around as if she's a mile away. She trips all.the.time and spills or knocks into things. As a baby she had very low muscle control and was 'lazy' or floppy for a long time. She didn't walk until about 17 months  and didn't sit up or roll over until after 8 months. But she talked really early and is constantly talking. Her energy is really high and out there and we're always reminding her to keep her energy within herself and 'please calm your energy down'. It's almost as if she's buzzing. She rarely sits and cuddles with me anymore. She'll only relax when she's ready to sleep. The only calm activities she does is coloring and puzzles. She uses those activities to wind down and some days she'll zone out and spend all day coloring. She doesn't obey instruction. Example: she had a day of coloring on Sunday and by the end of the day paper and crayons were all over the house. She has a bedroom and an attic set up as a huge playroom so she knows that if she chooses to bring toys into the living room she'll be expected to clean when she's through. It took about an hour and LOTS of tantrums, crying, yelling, and fighting to get her to finally pick up her stuff. She kept saying she needed help, she couldn't do it, it was too hard. She was dragging her body across the floor in a slump at the thought of picking up some crayons. Another thing we fight about all the time is clothing. She goes through about 7 outfits before she will wear one. It either 'looks stupid' or 'feels funny' or doesn't match. She never lets me wash her hair in the bath. It's another thing I have to basically force on her. We go as long as possible between hair washes to avoid the tantrum. She's developing an attitude and starting to expect things like toys and treats. If I tell her she needs to clean up or do xyz she responds with, "I'll do it if you give me ice cream/toy/candy/etc". I try explaining that we need to give respect to get it and that we shouldn't be nice just to get something in return. She'll get enthusiastic about behaving and be a saint for a couple hours but it just doesn't last. I've always had the thought that children should be treated fairly and given options and not 'rules'. But I've changed my stance because I think she needs more structure. But now I feel like I've tried everything and nothing is working. Which is why I'm coming here for advice. Oh ya, she also has issues with food. She constantly wants to eat and she wants sweets all.the.time. We have to battle it every day to keep her eating healthy but it's a struggle. Any advice is appreciated....thanks!

kla

[beachbaby]

Your DD sounds A LOT like mine. She's been diagnosed with SPD (mostly overresponsive, but some sensory seeking, too), low muscle tone, and some mild fine/gross motor delays, anxiety. We're waiting for a full evaluation to determine if there's more going on with her.

As for evaluations, I would start with an Occupational Therapy eval (with someone who is experienced in sensory issues)....This group http://sensorystreet.com has a Yahoo! group that I've found incredibly helpful for SPD and related support. You might also post there for advice on finding an OT in your area.   ha       In    You             Tttt        

In the meantime, there are lots of things you can incorporate at home to help her. The book "The Out of Sync Child Has Fun" has lots of ideas. Swimming, horseback riding, ballet have all been great for my DD.

As for behavior...I hear you. It's our biggest struggle. DD and I tend to get locked in power struggles. I am not a fan of reward/behavior charts, but I've resorted to them, especially as a short-time fix. They help break us out of the routine of bad behavior and yelling.

My DD is the same way about sugar.  Have you looked into food allergies or yeast issues? I know I need to address DD's diet, but I'm afraid of making food a bigger power struggle than it already is. I try not to make a big deal about while at the same time limiting her access to it, but it's a constant battle.

mama. If you ever want to chat, feel free to PM me. 

[MammaB21]

Thank you so much for the reply. DD does have food allergies. She's allergic to eggs and peanuts and has eczema since she was a baby. I also suspect some other intolerances. She's been eating things with eggs in it lately and I have a feeling it's creating some behavioral issues as well. For some reason her bio dad keeps telling her she'll grow out of the eggs and now suddenly he's started leting her consume them. It makes it really hard to say no to her here because she has this idea that it's not bad for her when it is. I know I need to drastically change her diet but like you said, I'm avoiding a fight. I know it's going to be extremely hard but I'm sure it'll pay off. I'm going to try some sort of behavior/reward chart. That could work. What do you use as a reward? Like I said, for us it's becoming an issue of her expecting the reward and not cooperating unless she gets one. Most days she now doesn't do what I ask, acts up, and then still expects the reward. But possibly having it visually infront of her would help. I know she has a hard time with simply hearing instructions, she needs to be shown.