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Really Mad

post #1 of 4
Thread Starter 

I'm feeling really mad at my mother today and I need to vent my frustrations a bit.  If you read my last big vent thread (my name used to be tinyactsofcharity) then you might remember that my father passed away in May and my step-father passed away in August so this pregnancy has been rather stressful. 

 

Well, the baby is due tomorrow but I'm not feeling any signs of impending labor (I'm irritable about that but I also really want to go to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows on Thursday night so I'll get over it) and my mother is leaving town altogether on Saturday and won't be back until Wednesday.  She's going because she wants to be out of town and distracted on her anniversary.  She also thinks that my having a homebirth is bizarre and she doesn't want to be around when I'm in labor.

 

I wasn't planning on having her here during labor but I did kind of picture her coming over immediately after the birth to see the new baby.  When I was in labor with DS my dad was with me the whole time and it's sad for me that he won't be with me this time.  My mom and step-dad came to the hospital as I was pushing and sat in the hallway waiting.  My MIL was also there and while I found her presence somewhat inhibiting (I barely knew her at the time) it was fun to have all the grandparents come right in soon after the birth to greet DS. 

 

I'm really irritated by my mom's disinterest because I feel like there's really no one else to BE interested.  I almost want to just not even tell her when the baby is here considering the fact that she doesn't seem to care much.

 

My siblings (19 and 16) will be in town so I guess that's an upside.  My brother drives me absolutely insane but he'll be very excited to see the baby and my sister was so sad to be out of town at summer camp when DS was born, I'm pretty sure she'll be over the moon to come see this baby when it's brand new.  The problem is that my siblings are pretty typical teenagers in that they really aren't particularly helpful so I feel like we are just on our own pretty much.

 

I'm just feeling neglected I think.  :(  Sorry to be a downer amongst all the happy baby stories!

post #2 of 4

 hug.gif I'm so sorry you are feeling so neglected, that isn't a good feeling to have at this stage. To lose so many so close to you at such a sensitive time - I can totally understand why you would feel that way.  hug.gif It's so hard to be so close and feel like a piece of the puzzle is missing.

post #3 of 4

You totally have a right to feel that way.  I hope you are able to tell your mother how you feel and talk about it with her.

My mother turned into a bit of a beast when my father died.  She pretty much forgot that maybe her kids missed their father too.  The whole year after he died she was just plain awful, a bit better after five years....but not much.

 

Maybe you can do something to make it super special just for you?  I wish I had ideas on how to do that.  Some candles around?  Super fancy lotion?  Crap like that always makes me feel better.  For my first my hubby and I bought a bunch of super nice yummy food and drink and decorated the hospital room to have our own little private party.  It was really fun.

 

I think it is weird having a home birth too!   But you probably think I am weird to want to have every medication in the book thrown into me to avoid the pain!!!!   Ha!   Thats okay though, because you we will both have our babies they way we want to.

 

 

 

post #4 of 4

Hugs, mama.  I'm sorry you won't have anyone really helpful or to be the older-encouraging type for you.  But I bet your siblings make you feel super special.  Personally for me I'd love it if everyone would stay the heck away for as long as possible, except my parents because they are soooooo helpful.  But the ILs, not so much.  But everyone is different.  You will have that baby though, and hopefully you won't miss your mom in that moment.  I know my two grandparents who lost their spouses had an awful awful time and the grandma was quite self-centered (not that I held it against her at all) and she STILL can be that way, very poor-me statements a LOT, a decade later.  But I can't imagine, so we just let it go.  But you deserve some pampering at this time.  Hopefully your DH will step up for you. 

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