I have 2 boys 5 and 2. I dont believe in punishments, timeouts etc. I aspire to living consensually with my children, altho its not always possible. I look for their needs first to explain their behaviour when it irks me.
here's the problem-when we go to children's services at the synagogue, it is my kids, who always disrupt. 2yo runs around, climbs the furniture. 5yo, makes silly noises that are disruptive (sometimes he will answer questions and participate in a more mature manner,...sometimes) When at some other gathering, my kids will run into a place where they are not supposed to go.
Other kids their age-dont seem to do this. Occasionally, one child (always a boy, and gender seems to explain some of this) will exhibit a similar behavior. Great, my boys have a playmate.
But before long, a mom or dad comes to the scene, and drags their kid away. Thats the end.
If i drag my kid away, they just keep on doing what they were doing.
If there is a place they are not supposed to go to, my kids will go anyway. If they have a playmate, that playmate hesitates, looks at mom or dad, and then shakes their head' You cant go there' they say.
My kids wouldnt consult me.
So i have two theories. The first is, my boys are exhibiting totally normal behavior. The other kids are strange-scared of parents, never see their parents so grateful to be with them, have strict nanny during the week.
But even at attachment parenting gatherings, the kids all seem so well behaved. By that i mean, many of the parents are stay at home moms. They dont use nannies much (some do)
My next theory- im a single mother, so i dont have the benefit of a deep voice and scary large physique-ie, the testosterone factor-that helps keep other children in line. I know that many gentle disciplining mothers, have husbands that dont agree with this philosophy.
I live in as rich neighbourhood in manhattan, and children for the most part, are well dressed and well behaved. They are mostly in daycare or with a nanny during the week.
I dont know....its really hard....