I am surprised at the lack of understanding here. I am even more surprised that noone has ever experienced anything like this.
I dont have any fear whatsoever that my child will end up with police involvement down the line.
I am trying to find the cause of his behavior and have found it. its pretty easy to make sure his friend will be there, and not bother, or go elsewhere, if the friend isnt coming. Why would i put him in a situation where he is unhappy, and then fight to control him?
Ive tried the advice on this board, and it doesnt work, The reason it doesnt work, is because it dont believe anymore that its an issue of discipline or of bounday testing. (i wasnt sure it was before either, but came to this board to discuss it, thinking we would have more in common in our approach-for eg, looking at needs first. There are cases where my kids test boundaries, and there is a difference.
For whatever reason, the kid isnt happy in this setting, and i dont know why. I believe its because he wants friends., And is alittle bit intimidated by all the parents and kids together. Without the parents he is fine. In smaller groups settings he is fine.
And im sorry, but its normal for a child to be silly with friends. The girl i mentioned is a bully, and has never once been kind or said hello to my child.But without provocation can be very mean.
Anyway, i dont want advice about discipline. I would be grateful for anyone who can offer insight into a situation like this, that doesnt involve making the child wrong and bad. (and me wrong and bad).
l repeat myelf again though-taking him out of the room, or home, wouldnt change a thing. He has to care about it, and i dont hink he would.
btw, there is a picture on the front page of this website, to the effect that 'children are not dogs to be trained'. I agree with that. Some people here dont seem to.
Also, the aspect of community is the first priority, if my son's friends are not there, there is no community for him. I just dont want to be in a place like that.
Being silly is not why he doesnt have friends. (ill look into that theory............not)
People come and go, friends come and go, cliques form, and there are a few bullies (kids exlcuding, ignoring, name calling) These things happen. I dont know why......
....im not sure im in a conversation here really, but using this board to think out loud, trying not to get hurt by some of the responses.
At a party yesterday, my boy was relatively quiet. The others were goofy. I couldnt understand why he was quiet-he said he was 'tired'. Im afraid he is not making friends. its breaking my heart. At his shul, his friends have gone, and his goofy behavior has started. Maybe he's bored.
If i really believed the issue was that he wanted more boundaries from me, then i'd provide that. I just think there's more to this. So far, things have worked fine without me being heavy handed. I still think the heavy handedness is just a bandaid (unless i was convinced that 'that' is what he was trying to get from me because he craved boundaries)
Edited by contactmaya - 11/22/10 at 5:43am