why is it my kids never behave but other kids do? - Page 8

[beenmum]

Sometimes you NEED to have hard and fast rules.

I am not going to negotiate with my kid about running out in the road, talking to stranger etc....

Life has rules and kids need to know and understand that or they are going to be unable to deal with adult life.

DO they go to school yet?

[Tjej]

OP - I would reflect on why you feel it is important to go to a place of worship.  In an earlier post you say that the primary purpose is for community for your child.  I suppose then that your 5yo having a friend is the answer.  For me, going to a place of worship is about worshipping.  Therefore, helping my children enter into worshipping is what I am working towards.

I think also that kids are capable of respectful behavior at earlier ages than I have read about being expected in the on CL book I read.  I think that if you did assert boundaries your 5yo could likely mature quite quickly into them, because most 5yos are very capable of understanding and living within particular boundaries.

Tjej

[contactmaya]

Worship is equally important to community. They are two essential ingredients. Yep, i used to go for worship before i had kids, funny that. Now im really the babysitter.

The worship is tailored for children, thus, children's services. I do set boundaries. That isnt the issue here.  The question is, whether the way i set them is adequate, and how far i go to set those boundaries. Thats the question of discipline and how one goes about it.

To beenmum, 5yo is in school. 

I dont use rules as such, but principles and values.  For eg. it is important to be considerate of others. making loud noises inside is inconsiderate to others.

I think children are capable of understanding that.

Btw, last week things went well. One person who i felt had been judgmental, was overwhelmingly kind all of the sudden.  There were less people there, that probably helped too.

[fnpmama]

OP - I don't have advice, and can't tell you a story about my well behaved children.  But, I am reading this thread closely for ideas as I struggle with behavior issues with my boys (though my boys are a bit younger).  I just wanted to send hugs and empathize with your exhaustion when trying to keep 2 sometimes defiant boys well behaved, and also the confusion one can feel when your friends, colleauges etc. children seem like angels and you are trying to figure things out.

Edited by fnpmama - 12/1/10 at 7:37am

[scottishmommy]

OP I can totally sympathize. I've been trying to figure out why my almost two year old dd is so much more difficult and active than all her peers. Other children seem to go in slow motion compared to my dd. Then it suddenly dawned me.....other adults seem to be in slow motion compared to me! I am incredibly high energy myself( well at least I used to be before dd was born lol). I went on a huge family reunion recently and I realized that my entire family is louder, more active and generally more curious than 90% of the people I know. I'm the sort of person that can overwhelm introverts. When I was a kid my mother was always wondering why her children wouldn't sit quietly. She was a very strict mom btw, but we were little monkeys! As an adult, however, I think being a high energy person is a really great thing. I don't get tired easily at all. Also all my siblings and I are musicians, and let me tell you that being fearless is really helpful when you have to stand up in front of a couple thousand people and sing an opera, or play violin. I've never even been slightly nervous on stage, and I can rehearse for hours without getting tired etc. Just sayin....

[contactmaya]

Thanks for the hugs and commiseration fnpmamma. And scottishmama, i think you may be onto something. I remember family reununions too, and we do tend to be louder and somehow more noticeable than other people.(and quite a few musicians int he mix as well) This is equally true for my father's generation, and they received a very strict upbringing.Complete opposite to myself and my own children.

Im reading a book now-discipline without stress-written by attachment parenting leaders.

Ill be more specific when i get the time, But there is a very interesting formula there which  is very helpful fro me in thinking this through....