Playgroup

[tsfairy]

I just got home from taking the kids to our "regular" playgroup. We hadn't been in many months, in large part because I was worried about how DS interacts with the other kids when we're there. He tends to get very over excited and rough, plus has a really hard time with impulse behaviors. This was our first time since he's been gluten-free, and I coached him quite a bit before we went. He knows what to expect from these kids; most of the older kids are pretty laid back and mellow and expect and give respect to their friends. The youngers will get pretty silly especially when they have an older leading them (like DS will do.)

It went ok. DS didn't hurt anyone, he played well with everyone, and he was pretty respectful of others' space and property.

So why do I feel like I just ran a marathon?

Oh yeah, because every 5 seconds I had to redirect him from *potentially* hurting someone, or *potentially* damaging property, or teasing the cat, or getting the littles riled up so *they* were hurting each other and/or damaging toys.  All the other moms spend every Tuesday and most Thursdays together. Their kids know each other like cousins and they just sit and chat while the kids do their thing. Not me; I have to micromanage to avoid the inevitable... sure enough, as soon as I thought DS was playing well and I could chill out with the other parents for a minute, I'd hear him teasing the cat, or throwing a toy off the balcony, or something else that no other kid was doing and that needed to be stopped.

It would be so nice to just kick back with my friends and let the kids play together. /sigh

On the other hand, am I overreacting? Should I just let DS play and see what happens? I've committed us to going next week, too and honestly I'm dreading it a bit. :(

[kme]

Oh yeah, I have so been there.  Not with my special needs guy but with my oldest who was subsequently diagnosed with ADHD (I don't consider him special needs, he does very well as he has gotten older.  He is now 12).  It was a playgroup with mostly girls; my son and one other boy were the only boys.  My son was always grabbing, knocking things over, yelling, running around, it was a nightmare.  I could tell the other moms just didn't get it.  I felt like I was always micromanaging his behavior.  I did pretty much let him play as long as he wasn't hurting anyone or damaging toys.  Often if I just let him go he would settle down.  I often had to "start" him with something, get him interested and then he'd play for a while.  He did better with toys he hadn't seen before so I would try to find a toy at other people's houses that he hadn't played with before.  The other mothers would basically socialize for 2 hours and I would have to deal with him every 5-10 minutes.  I just had to accept that. But it was OK after while, most of the moms (with one notable exception) kind of got used to it and accepted him and actually thought he was very bright and funny (which he is).  As for the mom who didn't accept him and was always annoyed - her loss.  She was too uptight.  When he was diagnosed with ADHD at 8, it all made sense and I had a sense of relief that all those years of wild behavior weren't due to me not knowing how to parent. 

[elmh23]

We're currently taking a break from large groups cause the last time we went ds1 spent the entire time crying because the older boys (who are all 6 years older) didn't want to play with him and he didn't want to play with the kids his age.  Then there was an incident with a toy and we had to leave cause I was just done.  We are still seeing my friends and the younger kids regularly, but he can handle that (3 kids who are a year younger vs. a group of 10-20 kids where he is one of the youngest.)  Thankfully they all understand when he gets rough and tumble seeing as all of them have kids with some sort of sensory issue.