I thought that my post was pretty matter-of-fact, since that's how I was feeling. Sorry it came off wrong, it's hard to convey the right tone sometimes. I was trying to be helpful, not flame her.
mean mom - Page 2
I imagine you have had some judgemental responses but honestly haven't read any...
I have done things I didn't mean to in anger. Beating yourself up only serves a purpose if you are willing to get passed the guilt (accept your faults and really start tackling it with a "tool box").
Have a list of behaviors you know are off limits to your goals as a parent, and I imagine hair pulling is now on your list, and don't go there, ever. Same with teaching a child to lie. It is always better to walk out and slam a door if necessary.
Medication has been enormously helpful to myself and a relative when it came to anger and parenting, strangely enough depression is our culprit. Both of us are enormously relieve at the edge that was taken off by medication.
that is tool number two.
Read some favorite/recommended parenting book, a few pages every night before bed... I always parent better if I read and reflect in a non judgemental way every night. Remember guilt for the sake of feeling bad about yourself is useless, it won't help you or your child.
Drink a glass of water when you feel a boiling over happening... drink the whole glass before you let yourself speak...
Develope further tricks to stop your anger from moving forward uninterupted.
Put them in your tool box.
Have safe GD friends to get ideas from (the hardest part of all, I hope you have found some help here)
Also you need to read Drama of the Gifted Child
Good for you for reaching out and making changes.
A couple of things that have worked well for us:
1) Making DD's room her cool off place. When she starts to freak out, we say things like, "you need to go to your room and chill out and take a break. Please come out when you're ready to use words and be civil". This usually works well and allows her a safe space to freak out if she needs to do that.
2) Me making sure my needs are met. I started exercising four times a week and the result has been that I'm much more able to manage my stress and keep my cool. Our Y has childcare included in the membership.
3) Picking our battles and letting some things go. This is really hard and it's a process.
4) We also read the book, Taking Charge and it was really helpful and full of realistic ways to deal with children in a respectful way.
I did something drastic instead - I got down on my knees, and pulled them to me in a big hug. I discovered in that moment that I couldn't imagine grabbing them or yelling at them when I was holding them close, and it showed them that I loved them even when they were crying and screaming. We all headed to the couch, curled up together under a blanket, and I didn't let anyone say anything. When one of the said "It all started when..." I gently shushed him, and said "It doesn't matter how it started. What matters now it we're going to calm down together, so we can get to sleep tonight".
sooo true!!.. have to remember that, I am hitting rock bottom ATM... with my alomost 5 and just 2 y old sons..
the noise is just tooo much, even the street noise, anything and I start yelling screaming, cursing, I feel so bad.
hang in there and I will remember you and other momsxxxxx