17 month old won't fall asleep unless in mommy's arms

[mommytoalilgirl]

My 17 month old has never fallen asleep on her own. She will only ever fall asleep if I am holding or rocking her. She will not let daddy hold or rock her to sleep, it has to be me and has always been this way. Is this common? Is anyone else experiencing this? She wakes often in the nite and has never been a good sleeper. I am wondering if I am alone in this or if other moms have or had babies like this and if so when did they start to be able to fall asleep on their own?

Thank you ladies for all of your help.

[YayJennie]

My 20 month old has had a few occasions where he has fallen asleep on his own, but for the most part, he needs to be rocked or snuggled to sleep.  Luckily he'll go to sleep with his daddy or with me (and has even fallen asleep pretty easily for Grandma a few times), but we can't just lay him down and walk away.  He's a good sleeper, but he definitely still needs help falling asleep, and sometimes that means 30-45 minutes of rocking and/or laying next to him in bed to get him to sleep.  Most nights it's not too bad (he falls asleep in less than 15 minutes usually, and for his nap he's down in 5 minutes max), but sometimes it can get frustrating because he'll wake up if you put him down too soon and then you have to pick him up and rock him all over again.  You're not alone!  He also needed to be held for naps from 4 months-11 months, or else he wouldn't sleep more than 20 minutes at a time.  So I held him for every nap, the entire nap, for 7 months straight.  So comparatively, a few minutes of rocking each night is not so bad for me! :D 

From what I've heard from friends with toddlers, each kid is different, but most kids will start to be able to fall asleep more on there own consistently around the age of 3.  Some are lucky and have babies that fall asleep on there own, and some kids still need someone to help them fall asleep until they're much older.  But it won't last forever.  I would try to get your toddler to fall asleep for daddy, so you can get a break, but it's not bad that she needs you to hold her to calm down and fall asleep.

[pantrygirl]

Thanks for sharing YayJennie.  I so hope what you said about kids being developmentally ready to falling asleep on their own around 3 is true in our home.

Although I don't mind sleeping with my DD, DH occasionally mentions how some of her friends fall asleep on their own since they were 6 months etc. 

Sending you happy delivery vibes!

[Peony]

Only 1 of my 3 have ever fallen asleep with anyone else until they were older as well. This last child will fell asleep in the car, ergo, or stroller with someone else once in a while. Never in a bed though!

[mommytoalilgirl]

Thank you so much for all the responses! I feel much better now LOL

My daughter also went through a stage of not being able to nap unless I held her for the whole nap so I agree that holding her for a few minutes to fall asleep now is not that bad! I just wanted to make sure I wasn't "spoiling" her or anything but I guess others have the same situation.

[Momo123]

My DS is 17 months now too and cannot fall asleep on his own at home (though he falls asleep by himself for naps at daycare). We used to have to rock him to sleep but he is getting too heavy now so we now lay in bed with him and cuddle/pat him until he falls asleep. It takes anywhere from 20 minutes to 1 hour. It's a nice way to wind down with DS but sometimes I get impatient when I have stuff to do and wish I could just lay him down and kiss him goodnight!

[Jend1002]

I needed to read this today!  Last night involved a TON of rocking and I felt like I may lose my cool.   My 26 month old still has to be rocked to sleep every night.  And every time he wakes up at night, which ranges from 1 to 3 times now.  I often rock for 45 minutes to an hour.  I sometimes feel like I am losing my mind or that he will never ever fall asleep (or stay asleep) on his own.  Interestingly, my son also falls asleep on his own at daycare but at that point he is completely exhausted!  He is a way early waker.  Fingers crossed that they hit that milestone of falling asleep on their own at 3!!!

[always hope]

My daughter is still fed to sleep if I want her to sleep in bed. I can use the buggy also and she has just started to learn to go to sleep on a mattress at daycare. I think it is really normal to have to parent a child to sleep till they are 3ish. Maybe have a read of The No Cry Sleep Solution. I would be totally frustrated with rocking to sleep cause at least with breastfeeding I can lie down too - well at least sometimes. You are definitely not spoiling your child, just meeting their needs. I think as their language develops you might be able to talk about doing things differently

[always hope]

Oh and my daughter still wakes in the night and will not let Daddy get her to sleep unless he takes her for a walk in the buggy.

[j_p_i]

You are SO not alone! My 17 month old only goes to sleep wIith me. In fact, I typically still nurse her to sleep and just lay her down once she's out. I often wonder if I'm creating bad habits (it doesn't feel bad... because it works really well for us. But I do have friends who can just lay their 6 month old down and he falls asleep on his own...), and then I wonder what we'll do once she weans! But for the time being, I just continue to do what works for us. She sleeps pretty well for the most part, may wake 1-2 times per night and nurse right back down (5-10 minutes). Very recently she has started putting herself back to sleep in the middle of the night without nursing, just sort of flopping around until she's comfortable and falling back asleep, but she has never fallen asleep like this. Sorry I don't have any suggestions or an age when sleep may become easier! Just had to let you know you're certainly not alone!