I am struggling. I put off having a child for years for financial and career reasons, but the whole time I was planning for the day when I would have a family. (I am a Cancer, and the home/family is my center ). Having a child turned out to be a verrrrry rocky experience for me (bad PPD, ongoing depression issues ever since), and I am not able to have a second child. Plus, I'm 40 now (and adoption/fostering does not interest me personally).
So now I have one child. And she's nearly 8. Oh my, that is hard for me to face. Selfishly, I don't want her to grow up. I long for the younger version of her. She still acts quite young, and I cherish it all, but I feel it slipping through my fingers. I had no idea it would be like this.
Obviously I have issues. I try very hard not to put this on her or let her see how I feel. But deep inside I am finding it so difficult. When I am around a friend with younger children I feel jealous. And I have come to realize that my child is the center of my world. But as she is getting older, I know that I have to find something for me in order to not totally lose it.
My DH loves our DD more than life. Yet he is still able to have a satisfying life separate from her. He is "dad", but he is also himself. He has friends and loves music and cooking and skiing and gardening and etc etc etc. He has lots of passions and interests. I have nothing. Any free time that I have I mainly put into my child. And honestly...I LIKE it that way. But of course it is not sustainable (or healthy I suppose). She has been my life for 8 years (and longer if you count the "planning" stages). I keep her close. But I reluctantly realize I need to find something else because she just won't be willing to be my world forever.
But how on earth can I find something to fill my heart? I have tried so many things and it all bores me. What is wrong with me??