Homebirth Mama's March 26 - Page 2

[mollyeilis]

Can I complain? I don't know if this is the right place to do it, perhaps the May thread would be better, but bear with me.

One of my friends who is simpatico with me offered to give me a baby shower. She was the first friend I told about baby, and I thought it was great that she 'called dibs'. She knew that I wanted more of a Blessingway, a bit more pagany than floofy baby shower.

I had just gone through a floofy wedding shower last summer, and she knew that it wasn't my cup of tea. I wanted a rite of passage, but not too out there, because I wanted all my friends to feel comfortable.

Well, unfortunately, she doesn't have a good place to have it now, as she is having marital difficulties. So another friend, who LOVES floofy things, offered her house. Little did we know that she would take over.

Cool friend just called to warn me that it's not going to be anywhere near what I wanted, that we JUST got out of having crepe paper streamers, and that she had to knock it into friend#2's head that we were NOT having any insulting or disgusting games (measuring me or tasting baby food/smelling baby food in disposable diapers). I'm a principled person and am against Gerber and Pampers, etc, and friend#1 knew I would NOT like those companies to be supported for my "benefit".

So she stood up for me, but #2 has taken over quite a bit. I should have insisted that it be at my place, I shouldn't have let #2 offer her place. I don't enjoy surprises, which is why I know *anything* about the shower at all, but I have no say.

AND #2 is marrying in July, I'm a b'maid of hers, and she invited HER bridal party to MY shower. I know 1.5 of those women. :

Well, think good thoughts about my patience tomorrow. All I wanted was henna on my belly, and perhaps a cool poem to be read. Now I've got this traditional shower thing that I didn't want, and I doubt I'll be hennaed (didn't get that for my wedding shower either, even though I talked about it for 2 years).

[TurboClaudia]

Molly: I found an old post of yours in the Washington/Oregon/Idaho tribal area forum... are you in Oregon? 'Cause I'm sure I round up some homebirth mamas I know and we could henna each other's bellies... whaddya think?

[mollyeilis]

Alas I'm in Washington. Got married in OR though. Keep me in mind, OK? I'm busy next week (going to CA) but after that and until May I'm free.

Whether or not I'll be able to drive myself down to OR is another matter LOL!

[ketilave]

previous c-section and unmedicated birth so the homebirth just makes sense...

Even after the c-section I wanted out and wasn't comfortable. I had to fight to get my kids back and I had to fight to leave the hospital. For what, they billed me for sitting on my butt with crummy sevice and bad cable. I refused everything including their food. Truly a waste of time and money. We started off in the hospital setting, and no regrets - I was allowed to call all the shots. I know that sounds odd since I had a c but they were willing to let me labour longer but I had a gut feeling since 37 (and I was 42+) that I needed a c. There were complications with my son and I decided that it was time to get him out. The Dr didn't force me and promised before we went in to protect my ability to vbac in the future. The vbac was unmedicated and the Dr. slept on the couch until I felt like pushing. Told the nurse to take the darn monitor off me and didn't care what I did. I didn't get to the hospital until I was in active labour so the car ride was awful and I didn't pay attention to anyone else. We started off the hospital route because 1) I was new in town and didn't know the right circle to get the right mw. The others were phyician based practices on a rotation so really what's the point and 2) DH is a paramedic and had to attend 5 women all with poor outcomes. He acknowledges that is due to poor prenatal care but it had a pretty rough affect on him. Now he also sees no point in the hospital

later

[mcsarahb]

Claudia and Molly!!!!

I want to have a henna'ed belly, too! (Claudia, did I tell you about this already?!) I've been looking for someone semi-professional to do it here in town, but I'd loooooooove to have a henna party with ya'll and do it ourselves. Let's get together! Claudia, do you know how, where to get supplies, etc.? I am a mehndi newbie...

Sarah

[ketilave]

You know I read about the henna bellies and loved the idea but have not heard a sole around her talk about it let alone do it. I'm jealous I live over here in yuppiedumn.

I thought about having Dh and DS do the belly cast but we lack skills and the ability to work together so that could be a problem. Plus a 2 year old with that stuff might not be a wise choice. Anyone have one and where do you keep? How do you display it?

[mollyeilis]

I was never much into the belly casts, but then I saw one at a midwife's office that was really nice. Most of the time when they are just painted, they look really naked to me. But this one was draped in a lovely, embroidered fabric. Like a pregnant woman wearing a drapy, flowy tunic.

I loved it.

You can just use plaster of paris and gauze or something like that, or you can buy all sorts of kits for various prices from the internet. Just google "belly casting".

I don't think it requires you guys working together; rather I think it involves you sitting still while someone else does it to/for you.

As for henna, I'm concerned with the tickle factor, but I once did henna on my foot and on my ankle, and I LOVED it. I had a tube of the paste and some sticky stencils and just filled in the stencils. There were no directions so I think I took the stencils off too early (or perhaps too late) so they were messy, but I still loved them.

[SamuraiEarthMama]

hello, myjo! nice to see you here!

adventuregirl, if someone says "midwife," i think of a CPM or DEM or LM... someone most likely to be doing homebirths. if someone says "nurse-midwife," i think CNM and hospitals. not many CNMs do homebirths, and i know that the docs have set things up so no CPMs are welcome at the hospital!

mollyeilis, you and your sisterfriends (and i mean just a few of them!) need to do a blessingway. get that one friend to do it... just grit your teeth through the babyshower thing and know that this friend means well, and then hook up with your close galpals, whip up some henna (you can use the hair kind if you don't have a mehndi kit... just put it in a plastic sandwich baggie and snip a tiny bit off the corner), and have a ball! let everyone do your belly, and be sure everyone gets a little design on her cheek or arm or whatever. even if it's just you and her, you'll get your henna and your lovin' and your blessing, which you need and deserve!

it doesn't have to be in a big room. just light some candles, put some flowers in a vase, and have some nummy cookies and juice around. put libana on the stereo, let your hair down, and really sing to this baby! please don't miss out on this... just set a time and place and let it happen, and the magic will manifest! and then come back here and tell us all about it...

defenestrator, i had a homebirth because i don't like hospitals, and i had some friends who had homebirths who explained clearly and carefully why they chose that path. it made perfect sense to me, and i've never for one second felt i needed to be in a hospital. i never felt sick or hurt or wrong... sure, it was hard and sometimes overwhelming, but nothing i needed to get "fixed." since my last homebirth, i've been a doula at about 30 births, most of them hospital (about 5 at home, though). i haven't seen anything to convince me otherwise (although i am a firm believer in a mom being where she feels she needs to be... if she intuits that she wants to be in a hospital, i've learned NOT to argue with her!).

katje

[Greaseball]

My main reason for choosing a homebirth (besides the fact that while I was growing up, I thought it was how everyone had babies!) was that I want the baby to be able to call the shots. Second-in-command would be me, then the midwives, and then poor dh. In the hospital I would come somewhere near the bottom, and the baby's wishes would not be considered at all.

[Elyssia]

molly=your shower will be fine
it might not be what you would have planned
but it will still be a gathering of people
wishing a lot of good will on you and your baby
i'm sure you can endure it
and it would probably be fun
if you or you and another friend
brought a couple of your own plans into it
like henna or something
i'm sure everybody would enjoy it
and it might help you get to know some of them better
(you said you will be ina wedding party together later?)

doing henna is a tradition in a lot of african and arab muslim communities
at holiday time
i have seen some BEAUTIFUL incredible designs
where i live, a woman set up a temporary booth
in the mall to do henna for women before holiday
if you asked somebody in the muslim community where you live
i'll bet you could find (if you live in a city or university town)
a woman who can do beautiful work
not that it wouldn't be fun to do w/ your girlfriends
but it would be cool to have an "expert"
i really wanted to do it on my belly my last pregnancy
but never did

have fun at your shower

[Greaseball]

I've been to one traditional baby shower, and thought it was dumb. I shopped from a registry and the mom got measured and we ate baby food.

I didn't have one with #1, but I have a large extended family on the east coast and they all sent me a big box of stuff. Dh worked at a church at the time, and all the church employees and most of the congregation all planned a shower for me, but dd was 2 weeks early, so I got all the stuff after she was born. It was great, I didn't have to buy anything!

Nothing this time, but that's fine since we saved everything from #1. I wouldn't be into the traditional kind either.

[TurboClaudia]

Molly & Sarah: I was talking to my friend who had her baby last August and had her belly hennaed with a mehndi design by another woman who does it occasionally. She's going to find her phone number and bring it with her when we get together next week, so then I'll call this woman and see if she'd be interested in maybe getting together with us and guiding us through hennaing each other. That way we could have a little bit of fancy and a little bit of fun. Molly, how far up in Washington are you?

warmly,
claudia

[mollyeilis]

SamuraiEarthMama, what you described is pretty much what it was supposed to be, only toned down a little. It's only me and another friend who are into "earth-based spirituality". Everyone else is, I dunno, Methodist and Lutheran mainly, and would NOT enjoy a full-blown blessingway.

The one who offered to give it back in September has been blown away by some personal stuff, and is letting herself be swayed by this other woman who offered her house.

The other woman is planning her own wedding for July, is swamped with new job and wedding stuff, and won't let me help with the wedding stuff (I just went through this in August, none of her other friends are married, but she's just slogging through alone).

She was one of my b'maids (heck, most everyone I asked to be invited, save 2 people, were my b'maids, it was supposed to be a small group) and I'm one of hers, and she's kind of torturing her b'maids right now.

Her wedding is 2 months after my due date, we'll be broke and busy, and I'm not likely to be all that involved in her wedding stuff. It's a big deal that she invited our future baby to the wedding; she never plans on nursing even once, and convincing her that I'd need to have the new baby practically ON me at that point was a big concept for her.

The invitation of HER b'maids to MY shower was done very much on purpose to get this one woman invited. And she's coming, so I hear. The problem is, I'm not this woman's friend. She and I share NO values together, I mean none; we purposefully did not invite her to our wedding nor my bridal shower. I don't want her there and the friend knows it. Why she's pushing her agenda on me I haven't a clue.

She also invited another woman that I know, but isn't really a friend at all...I just don' t know why these women want to come!

I grinned and bore my bridal shower, because I know it was done out of goodness. I NEVER expected I'd have to grin and bear my baby shower. I was SO happy when my one friend offered, because I thought I knew I didn't have to worry.

And now, less than 24 hours before the shower, I'm worrying. I'm also sick again, with a fever and everything, and I just found that it's rising. Stress and being thwarted does that to me.

I'm sorry if it seems like I want to wallow, but I am in a teary mood anyway, and it's just such a bummer to me that this happened again. I almost don't want to go. Scratch that, I do NOT want to go at all.

I will go, but I don't want to. I'll grin and bear the idiotic parts, and hopefully will enjoy the cake if my friend managed to keep control of that part of it (she knows what I like). I got one wonderful present so far, and I'll be bringing it to share with everyone. It's a cloth diaper set, and now I WANT to tweak my mainstream friends with the goodness of CD'ing. Before it wasn't quite like that.

I had come up with all sorts of nice, PC ways of answering questions I KNOW will come up (all the hot-button issues, you know the ones), and now I just want to let fly with how I really feel, even towards the women that I know made the opposite decisions already.

Grr.

I'm really sorry I'm griping so much. If this weren't tomorrow I'd have a little bit of a chance to allow all this to settle in, I'd have a chance to find my henna supplies, I'd have a chance to talk to the initial friend. But she's at dinner with her on-the-rocks hubby, seeing if he's willing to work things out, and of course that's more important right now. I'm not going to bug her about this...it's just bad timing, that's all.

Ohm.....

And Robert has to go to work after his weigh-in tomorrow, and he won't even be here to help me get ready. He's my rock and doesn't mind my tears, and I can't believe he'll be up at work in Seattle (we live between Seattle and Tacoma...2-3 hour drive to P'land, by the way).

sniffle sniffle. Off to bed with me.

Goodnight, thank you for trying to help me feel better, even though I'm still very grumpy, I do appreciate the effort.

[mcsarahb]

Molly-

It is terrible when an event that's supposed to be a generous, wonderful gift for a new mama turns into a political "who's invited by who" game. You're right, you should grin and bear it (practice your laboring pain relief techniques every time someone asks a dumb question or ridicules you for your birth choices). It will be over in a couple short hours and you can focus on you and your babe and the goodness of your choices again.

Good luck! Breathe deeply, let it go...ohm....

Sarah

[myjo]

Molly, I'm sorry you're so down. I know the weepyness you're talking about. I've been that way several times already this pregnancy (only 19 weeks along). I know it's difficult to bear a party that's supposed to be for your benefit, but where nobody pays attention to your actual wishes. I've BTDT.

I guess I just feel like if they want to do it, let them do it. It makes people happy, and sometimes I get some of the things I need. Although I do end up taking a lot of it back to the store or giving it away because people insist on buying polyester flame retardant pj's, plastic bottles, pacifiers, disposable diapers, etc. (you know what I'm talking about). I live in such a conservative area that I have just learned to grit my teeth and bear a lot of things. I don't even expect them to understand.

You know what my ideal baby blessingway, or shower or whatever you want to call it would be: a few freinds in the mountains or the beach getting together to share stories, sing, and basically celebrate my baby's new life. I will never get that, but I can dream!

Oh, and hey there Ketilave, I didn't realize you were here too!

[mollyeilis]

Thanks guys. I appreciate the thoughts.

[Mom2baldie]

Ketilave,

My husband and I did a belly cast of me with my last pregnancy. It turned out well even though it was the 1st time we did anything like that.

I poked 4 holes in it and put fishing line through them so it could be hung on the wall in my daughters room. It looks really nice. I am glad I have it, as I did nothing like that with my 1st pregnancy.

This time I want to do something different though - maybe get photos taken or something. Not sure yet, Im only 14 weeks so have got plenty of time to decide.

[tanjarine]

My pregnant friend and i did each others belly casts about a week or so before our babies were born. I love seeing my huge belly, I have it on a shelf in the corner of my bedroom. If you look on the links page of my website there is a belly cast making intruction site that is excellent! It was quite easy to do and way cheaper to buy the supplies yourself than to buy a kit. We got the plaster embedded gauze at the local art store for about $15.00 and we could have made 5 belly casts out of it. It is a really good idea to paint Gesso over it to seal it and it makes it rock solid otherwise it will lose its shape and be damaged easily.
I highly recommend making one, its fun and a wonderful way to celebrate your pregnant belly!
Tanja mama to Raven 11, Jakob 4, Ben 2 and our new baby girl Maiya!

~me~

[mamaroni]

Hi. . .
I've been reading this new thread (thanks Tanja!) but haven't had the time and two free hands to respond. My girl is one week old today, and I've been reflecting on her birth all day. I'm still working up to writing the story. Things are going really well, but I'm still exhausted. Dh has to go back to work tomorrow and I'm so going to miss him. He's been amazing this week.

Since giving birth at home last week, we've told a lot more people about it than previously knew (the other parents at dd's school, several neighbors, and also friends who were on our email announcement list). The number one question "was it planned?" as if we had a UC. Another common one "was the pain just excruciating?" and of course "what about the mess?" People also want to know what we did with the placenta (it's in the fridge still) and when/if we'll take the baby to the ped (next Friday). I've also had a few moms, instead of commenting on homebirth, go into a diatribe about why they used drugs, or had a section, or whatever. I find it extremely difficult to explain homebirth to people who are asking questions like this, because they are obviously so far removed from any idea of natural childbirth that they'll never even listen and try to understand. Oh, the other thing that I've been hearing is "you're so brave" or something along those lines. It's irritating because I know I'm really not anything special and I don't know how to respond.

We decided to have a homebirth for our 3rd baby after having 2 wonderful, natural hospital births. Going to the hospital just didn't seem necessary. I never really considered a homebirth the first 2 times, but sure wish I had! (even though I have NO complaints about my hospital experiences).

Molly, I hope your shower is going well today. I went to a baby shower yesterday. It was very traditional, but not hokey or obnoxious at all (no games). Many of the women there were shocked when I told them my baby was only 6 days old--but there's another testament for natural childbirth--quick recovery! Why don't they seem to get that?

For those of you doing belly casts, it would be great if you post pics of the finished products. I've seem some really beautiful ones.

[love2all]

I am getting ready for hb 3, ANY DAY NOW. Things are wonderful except that mw seems to be MIA. it has been over a week since she was supposed to have called and planned our next appointment. DH is none too happy and I just wonder if the universe just wants us to go ahead with that UC? Maybe call mw an hour after the baby has arrived?
It is funny, because this is the first time we have not had all the money up front and at this late time not had the mw paid for.(let me say that this is NOT an issue, it has been talked about openly and I am sure that it is not the reason for the mw mia.) but i wonder if maybe we will have that uc and all things will mysteriously work out...........

Whatever happens.. I am truly in bliss and waiting in major happiness for this little ones arrival.
peace everyone-- Maria