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Children addressing adults - explain the "Miss" thing to me - Page 2

post #21 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by KristyDi View Post


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by laohaire View Post

I'm from the northeast but I've lived in the south for 5 years, plus my parents now live in FL. I don't know this for a fact, but I've decided the Miss thing is not really Miss (young unmarried miss) but almost like Ms. It's a catchall for a woman. Maybe it's even a simplified pronounciation of Mrs. Mrs. is a strange title anyway, I believe it derives from Mistress but with a weird pronounciation, Missus or Missers. Miss as short of Mistress makes sense, and Mistress is certainly the female head of household, not a young girl.

 

I think when they say Miss Heather they absolutely do mean a married adult, and that there is no confusion over your status.

 

And I do know how strange it feels for us Yankees to be called Miss, oh yeah.

 

Oh, and I think while it was ostensibly nice that you were asked what you wanted to be called, that there was only one right answer in that woman's head: Miss Heather. She was asking you whether it was Miss Heather or Mrs Jones, and if you had said Mrs Jones she would have told her kid to call you that but felt you were putting on airs. (Mrs Jones being okay for older ladies though, or the wife or a doctor or something).



:yeah to the bolded.  I'm from the South.  Miss FirstName is a catch all regardless of age or martial status.  There is very little verbal distinction between Ms, Miss, and Mrs where I'm from.  In fact I rarely ever pronounce Mrs. correctly. It's almost always shortened to "Miz".  That's true for most of the people around here I think.

That's how I see it too. I don't mind at all, but I'm not easily offended.  If parents want to teach their children to address adults with a title, that's fine with me. I'm still undecided on what I'll teach my daughter though. 
 

post #22 of 102


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by laohaire View Post


 

Ms was not intended as a designation for divorced women at all - it was supposed to be the female counterpart to Mr.

 

Men are Mr. no matter whether they are married or not. Before Ms. was "invented" in the 70s, a woman was Miss (unmarried) or Mrs (married) - completely defined by her marital status.

 

So Ms became the third option for women who did not wish to be defined by their marital status, whether they were never married, married, divorced, whatever.

 

Thanks for this info. This thread had me wondering about this. I am about to start teaching, and was wondering about what to have the students call me. I'd be fine with my first name, but I'm guessing that isn't too acceptable in elementary schools. I'm married, but kept my last name. So, looks like I'll be a Ms. I have no interest in being defined by my marital status anyway.
 

 



Quote:
Originally Posted by bodhitree View Post

I'm kind of surprised that so many posters prefer "Mrs." Personally, I do not ever want to be called Mrs., whether my first name or my last name is what comes next. Hate it, hate it, hate it. Makes me feel like I'm living in 1962. The worst is "Mrs. Husbandsfirstname Husbandslastname." Makes me want to smack people. lol.gif I'm a Ms. and always have been.


Same here!

post #23 of 102
Thread Starter 

OP here -


Quote:

Originally Posted by blessedwithboys View Post

I guess I was always taught that Miss equaled young, never-married women


Me too so I find it strange when someone addresses me at Miss.  (in the interaction I described in my op, there was no question of my martial status)  No one is going to confuse me with me to the fresh faced 22 yo, Miss Katie, who teaches the class, LOL.  
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by odenata View Post

 

What I find annoying in your story is that the other mom asked what you would like to be called, you said "Caneel" or "Mrs.Jones," and she told her dd to call you "Miss Caneel," which is neither of the options you presented.  If she wasn't going to listen to your answer, she may as well not have asked.



Thinking about, this is probably what annoyed me the more than the Mrs. vs. Miss.  If I had, for example, called her daughter Kelly instead of Kellyanna, I suspect she would have continued to correct me until I got it right.  (I am basing this generalization of the number of "people shorten my child's name when I don't want them too" threads) 

post #24 of 102

I prefer to just be "emily". Not Miss emily or Mrs emily or mrs lastname or anything of the sort. Just Emily. Or Em is fine too. I guess if I had to pick one of the three I do prefer miss emily/em. :shrug

 

ETA: Oh, and what I hate the most? Being "mrs husbands name". F'ing *HATE* it. DH's grandparents actually send me cards that way, which I absolutely 100% refuse to acknowledge. I am *NOT* my husband!! 

post #25 of 102
I am offended by the term Miss and would be very upset if someone wanted to use it in my name. I also refuse to go by Mrs. There is simply no justification for addressing me based upon my marital status if males of all ages use the same term

I prefer equality in titles. So kids should call me by my first name. If a person wants to use a title then I think they should reciprocate and use a similar level of formality when addressing the other person regardless of age.

The exception would be a classroom teacher. I can see the need to project a feeling of authority.
post #26 of 102

Oh I'm in the northeast too & a lot of people use "Miss" up here too now. I do think it's weird but I don't care much either way. I'm Miss Firstname to some of the kids and just Firstname to the others. I prefer for them to just use my first name, I don't really like the teacherish feeling I guess? But, not a big deal. I do think it's odd that she asked you what you wanted to be called & then just ignored your answer.

post #27 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamadelbosque View Post

 

 

ETA: Oh, and what I hate the most? Being "mrs husbands name". F'ing *HATE* it. DH's grandparents actually send me cards that way, which I absolutely 100% refuse to acknowledge. I am *NOT* my husband!! 


 

My mother addresses me the same way...has for years...even though she is painfully aware that I never legally changed my name.  It is very, very difficult for her to acknowledge that I stuck with the name I was born with.  disappointed.gif  I totally respect when people want to go by their "married" name, but I think it is very hard for some people in my parents' generation to acknowlege that some people don't want to change their name.  I mean, it just isn't proper!  People (as in the general public) may think I'm not married!  yikes.gif
 

post #28 of 102
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by CatsCradle View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by mamadelbosque View Post

 

 

ETA: Oh, and what I hate the most? Being "mrs husbands name". F'ing *HATE* it. DH's grandparents actually send me cards that way, which I absolutely 100% refuse to acknowledge. I am *NOT* my husband!! 


 

My mother addresses me the same way...has for years...even though she is painfully aware that I never legally changed my name.  It is very, very difficult for her to acknowledge that I stuck with the name I was born with.  disappointed.gif  I totally respect when people want to go by their "married" name, but I think it is very hard for some people in my parents' generation to acknowlege that some people don't want to change their name.  I mean, it just isn't proper!  People (as in the general public) may think I'm not married!  yikes.gif
 


Ha!  So true.  Through work and social circles, we are in contact with a lot of 70+ year old couples and all of those wives most definately prefer  the very old fashion and formal version of Mrs. John Smith and would be offended if addressed as Camille Smith.  (I was told about this enough times that I always ask when addressing mail, no joke)  Maybe they feel they worked darn hard to stay married 50+ years that they don't want to drop the title!

 

I have a friend whose mother is of that generation and mindset and it is fascinating to hear her talk about how she and her friends most definately went to college to earn a Mrs. degree.  She learned to cook-to-entertain, run a household, do a household bduget, etc. when she was in college.  Even though we are pushing 40, she still says things like "you girls today...." 
 

post #29 of 102

I was born and raised in NYC by a southern mother. I was always brought up to call a person miss so and so or sister so and so for a much older person. Personally, I hate being called miss and my first name by a child or anyone. It personally irritates the heck out of me. I rather just be called by my first name. My friends daughter calls me Miss and my first name all of the time. I really wish she wouldn't but this is very important to her mother that she address older people by Miss and their first name or Mr and their first name.

 

I'd much prefer to be called Miss Bailey or Mrs Bailey than Miss and my first name.

 

post #30 of 102

Well, I'm from the south and it would never occur to me to use Mrs. It's always Miss firstname whether the person is married, single, divorced, whatever.

One of ds's friends calls me by my fristname only and it drives me crazy.

post #31 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamadelbosque View Post


ETA: Oh, and what I hate the most? Being "mrs husbands name". F'ing *HATE* it. DH's grandparents actually send me cards that way, which I absolutely 100% refuse to acknowledge. I am *NOT* my husband!! 


 

See, I love this.  When we get mail addressed to Mrs. husband's name Reed I squeal.  I have no idea hwy, but I like it.

post #32 of 102
DH was raised in western Pennsylvania and I grew up mostly in the South. We were both raised to call adults "Mr. Lastname" or "Mrs./Miss Lastname" and are teaching our children to do the same unless the adult in question asks them or us to call them by their first name.

Even today, we call plenty of DH's parents' friends "Mr." or "Mrs." Lastname although we're all adults. It really comes down to what the person being addressed wants to be called, but when in doubt we tend to err on the side of formality. shrug.gif

And I LOVE being called Mrs. [Husband's] Lastname. I don't really know why. lol.gif
Edited by peainthepod - 11/17/10 at 12:59pm
post #33 of 102

Everyone here does "Miss" but I make my kids use "Ms."  I'm all for polite forms of address, but "miss" rings false to me, too.  I mean... I'm old, I'm married, I don't need to be called "Miss".

 

And I agree... she should have used one of the options presented!

post #34 of 102

I absolutely HATE Miss Firstname.  One of my friends does this with her son and it drives me so crazy.  I prefer just my first name, although I have another friend who insists her kids call me Mrs. Lastname and that's acceptable.  Miss Firstname is NOT.  I guess I associate it with religion, perhaps unfairly, but that might be why I have such unpleasant feelings about it.

post #35 of 102

First, I really can't imagine why it matters. second of all, I was raised in the south and yes I think everyone here has their kid call everybody else "miss" whatever. it's how I teach my kids. If it's really a close friend then it goes from miss firstname to Aunt firstname.

 

I do not allow my children to call adults by their first names only and I would probably not be offended but would think in my head "who cares" if someone tried to correct my 3 yo's pronunciation of the word "Mrs." As long as he puts *something* before the first name, I don't see what difference it makes.

post #36 of 102

I am from the midwest, so maybe that is why I am really surprised how many people would actually feel "offended" if a child used there first name to address them.  I think it makes a child feel more comfortable, an equal, if they are able to call you by your first name, we don't call kids "Little Boy Billy" or "Toddler Girl Suzi."

post #37 of 102
I don't like the Miss Firstname thing at all and would rather children (and everybody) call me by my first name only.
post #38 of 102

I grew up in New Jersey, and adults were always Mr. or Mrs. Lastname.  I still feel like I should refer to real grownups as such, and have to check myself to remember that now I'm a grownup too!

 

The Miss thing always seemed very Southern to me, but I live in Massachusetts and it seems to be the norm here now for little kids to use Miss Firstname.  It makes me feel like a preschool teacher (when I was a kid, that was the only time Miss Firstname was used in my experience), but I don't really mind it.  I'd prefer my kids used Mrs. or Ms. Lastname, but the Miss Firstname thing seems to be what everyone else does so it's not really worth it to me to go against the grain like that.

post #39 of 102

See, I don't mind being "defined by my marital status". I mean, I wear a wedding ring, which pretty much enables people to know that about me at a glance, whether I go by "miss" or "ms" or whatever. And when I meet new people, it's usually one of the first getting-to-know-you questions they ask. Given that I wouldn't refuse to answer them, why not just save them a step? I'm not really sure what horrific assumptions strangers could make about me based on the fact that I'm married, or how I'd feel much more liberated or feminist to be using my birth name... which of course, my rather male FATHER chose. (Yes, chose, he changed his last name in his twenties.)

 

That said, I don't like being called Mrs Lastname because it sounds like MIL. :p I prefer just my first name, or a few people tell their kids to call me Aunty Firstname, which is fine. Honestly, though, I don't really like my first name. In an ideal world people would call me Smokering, and in fact most of my close friends do. DH calls me Smokey. It's much more me. :p

post #40 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by lach View Post

I grew up in New Jersey, and adults were always Mr. or Mrs. Lastname.  I still feel like I should refer to real grownups as such, and have to check myself to remember that now I'm a grownup too!

 

 

I still feel this way too.  Super uncomfortable calling "grown ups" by their first name!

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