What to call grandparents... thier choice or ours? - Page 2

[Mulvah]

I do understand and I think it's easy to criticise if you aren't in the family.  I think you have to come up with a compromise on this one.

Originally Posted by greenemami 

First of all, I think it is perfectly understandable that you do not want to foster a close relationship with a woman you consider toxic-if she was anybody but a grandmother, I think you would be encouraged to cut ties with her.  However, since that is not possible, I agree just go with Nanny "Firstname" and tell her it is to differentiate between her and your mom.  I assume she won't be around your mom all that often so it won't be that obvious if you drop the "firstname" part for your mom.

Edited by Mulvah - 1/29/11 at 4:00pm

[jksmith]

Thank you everyone for your posts. It's definitely given me some perspective in the issue. I've decided to just let it go for now, I figure the hormones at 8 1/2 months pregnant probably aren't helping me think clearly about this and I should just wait and rethink it later.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by greenemami 

First of all, I think it is perfectly understandable that you do not want to foster a close relationship with a woman you consider toxic-if she was anybody but a grandmother, I think you would be encouraged to cut ties with her.

I'd encourage her to cut ties, anyway. There's no benefit to being around toxic people, just because they happen to be relatives. I assumed that OP and her dh don't want to cut ties with his father, and it's very difficult to cut ties with only one half of a married couple, especially within extended family.

[Qbear'smama]

Originally Posted by Storm Bride 

My mom's mom was a manipulative, toxic person (I've called her evil in the past, and I wasn't kidding - she did a lot of damage to a lot of people in my family). She was also the one I called "grandma". I hated her guts, and when my mom called me and told me she'd died, my only emotional reaction was relief. I can understand not wanting your child to be close to someone like this...but "Nanny" or "Nana" isn't going to make any difference. Calling her "Nana" didn't create distance, any more than calling mom's mother "grandma" created closeness.

This was my experience, too (evil grandma called "grandma") and I totally agree, the name did not make a bad person any dearer in my heart and her being called that did not mask any of the grandchildren's understanding of who she was. And my mother is now Grandma to DD and if anything, I thought having her mother called "grandma" would make her want to choose something else to be called by, but she chose Grandma. I would also go with Nanny Firstname to differentiate.