Parents of more than one How Far Apart Are Your Babies? - Page 2

[kawa kamuri]

Originally Posted by MunchiesMom As you experienced mamas went on to have your second and third children, did you know of go through a grieving process about loosing the relationship with your first child? Did you ever feel like you were shorting your only child by wanting additional children?

I feel like this every time. 

[lachingona1]

I have 4 kids...They are just about 1,2,and 3 years apart. I prefer 3 years.

[beautifulboy]

Originally Posted by MunchiesMom 

As you experienced mamas went on to have your second and third children, did you know of go through a grieving process about loosing the relationship with your first child? Did you ever feel like you were shorting your only child by wanting additional children?

I realize how incredible the relationship a sibling can bring. My sister, only sibling, died in a tragic car accident when she was 16 and I was 13. I want to give my son a sister or brother someday. I also want to BF him for as long as possible. I want to keep him close and love how things are now, so I worry what bringing on a baby could do.

I don't have a second (yet!) but I totally get what you're saying, I think my Ds is going to come crashing down to earth if a new baby arrives.  We are very attached, BFing, cosleeping and spending every minute together except when I go to the gym 4x a week (which is hard for him lately).

I think the bond between siblings is equally as important, though.  One big reason I want to have another is so my boy isn't lonely in life, so he has someone.

[inky leeuhhh]

Originally Posted by MunchiesMom 

II've been pondering this too. DS is 2.5 and we're just talking about TTC #2. If it happens this month, DS will be 3 years 3 months when the baby  arrives. I look around and see all my frined with 1-2 year spacing and it makes me feel like I'm missing out or robbing DS of something. But PPAF hadn't arrived for me nutil this month, so I guess it was out of my hands. I'm glad to see there are some mamas who like the 3-4 year spacing. :)

munch, our dcs have the same birthday!

as for the question- my first and second are five years apart. i think for us the spacing would not have worked any other way. dd1 has autism and would have been a real handful if a baby had come along any sooner than this. that said, i want the second and third a little closer together. i just got ppaf at 20 mos pp, and we will not be preventing pregnancy, but my cycles are really irregular so i doubt i will concieve right away. we'll see! ideally, i'd like to get pg when dd2 is about 2.5.

[ryleeee]

DDFC

our son will be 5 years and 7 months old when the new baby comes. when i write it down it feels like SUCH a huge age difference and i never in a million years would have assumed we'd wait so long to TTC #2, but i think it really depends on you and your child! haye is very spirited and sensitive and i nursed him until his 4th birthday which turned out to be really important to us. we knew he wasn't ready until really the past year and then it was just a matter of us all being ready! and i am pretty sure i will LOVE this age gap...haye is already super helpful around the house and shopping etc, plus he is extremely excited about the baby and i don't think that we will be dealing with much resentment on his part towards the baby seeing as we gave him so much time with just us, which he definitely needed. 

[stellamia]

Originally Posted by ryleeee 

DDFC

our son will be 5 years and 7 months old when the new baby comes. when i write it down it feels like SUCH a huge age difference and i never in a million years would have assumed we'd wait so long to TTC #2, but i think it really depends on you and your child! haye is very spirited and sensitive and i nursed him until his 4th birthday which turned out to be really important to us. we knew he wasn't ready until really the past year and then it was just a matter of us all being ready! and i am pretty sure i will LOVE this age gap...haye is already super helpful around the house and shopping etc, plus he is extremely excited about the baby and i don't think that we will be dealing with much resentment on his part towards the baby seeing as we gave him so much time with just us, which he definitely needed. 

I think it's incredible that you were so respectful and aware of your son's needs and waited to give him a sibling based on that! I'm very close with my sister who is 5 1/2 years older than I am. I think all different age gaps work and sometimes closeness is based on so many factors beside age difference.

This is off topic and I know you didn't wean your son for this reason, but I also nursed till I was four. I "gave it up" because my Mom was told it was dangerous to nurse while pregnant so she wanted to wean me before she TTC. It's so sad that 26 years later my Dr. told me the same thing. My son was 21 months when I got pregnant and my Dr. said "You have to stop [breastfeeding] NOW." I can't believe that misinformation is STILL out there and being perpetuated by Dr's of all people.

[Flower of Bliss]

My two are 3 years apart (their birthdays are only 6 days apart!).  We wanted a 2-3 year age gap.  It took us about 2 years to conceive DD1, which eventually involved fertility treatments.  We started TTC#2 with fertility treatments when DD1 was only 15 months old.  I was still nursing, and we would try a month, then wait a few months to try again.  I tried to be relaxed about it all, but it was emotionally rough. 

When DD1 was about 25 months she started announcing "my sister is coming" and started cutting back on nursing (and briefly insisted she wanted to sleep in her own bed).  I tried yet another clomid cycle during that time, which was considered a failure (no mature follicles by day 16).  DD2 was conceived on day 31 of that cycle, 3 days after DD1's very last nursing session. 

I'm very very happy with the 3 year age gap.  We're planning to have a 3rd, but I'm not ready to actively try yet.  DD2 is 15 months now.  I'd like to give her another 6-18 months of being the baby (and nursling) before I'm pregnant again.  I'd be really happy with another 3 year age gap.  Though, I'll admit that I'm already at the point that I'm really craving another pregnancy.  We aren't preventing and wouldn't be upset with a surprise pregnancy before then.

[trini]

I like this thread.  My brothers and I are all one year apart and I always thought I'd have my children closely spaced.  We ended up dealing with infertility (both primary and secondary).  DS is 5 and will be at least 6 when our next child is born (if I conceive again soon and carry the child to term).

I've had to grieve my "plan" of having them close in age.  Still dealing with it, actually.  I try to focus on the positives.  DS is very independent and I do like the idea of getting to enjoy the "baby years" for a lot longer instead of having them overlap and everything being a blur, as I imagine it was for my mom with 3 under 3 when I was born.

Still, I secretly wish for #2 and #3 to be closely spaced.  They'll have to be if we have 3, as dh and I are getting up there in age.

[elisheva]

Wow lots of planned and unplanned far-apart spacing! I guess I'm in the minority. My first two are 20.5 months apart. #2 and #3 are 14 months apart. #3 and #4 will be, Gd willing, 19 months apart. Then we're done :)

Now that dd (aka #3) is walking, I'm feeling overwhelmed. We didn't plan the 14 month age gap but in retrospect it's fine. Things will be super crazy for the next 2+ years until everyone is a little more self-sufficient and I'll have to learn to ask for help (and learn to understand whether people are actually offering 'help' and not just 'offering'...but that's another post). I'm hoping if I can keep it all together enough that they will end up best friends.

[Schae]

My sister and I are 6 years apart, we weren't close growing up. But now at 29 and 23, we are very very close.

DS1 and DS2 are 5 years 7 months apart. We had planned for a 4 year gap, but lost babies on our journey to have ds2. In retrospect, I would not handle a smaller gap (maybe I lack patience?), I am happy that ds1 is in school during the day, giving me time to bond with ds2. I bow down to mothers with toddlers and little babies! If we have a third, ds2 would have to be in preschool by the time number 3 arrives.

[becoming]

Oldest & middle are 4 years 4 days apart.  Middle & youngest are 20 months apart.  I do not recommend the latter, lol.  At least not if you're easily stressed and struggle with patience like me.  I loved the 4 year age gap between my older two.  We're TTC right now, and #3 and #4 will be just over 4 years apart if we conceive pretty soon.

[Aliy]

my first two are exaclty 2 years apart... well and 24hours and 2 minutes....lol  ds2 will be 29 months when this baby is born. I really like the two year spaceing. they get along really well and play greatly together

[Chloe'sMama]

My DDs are 2 years, 2 months apart and we wanted them pretty close.  The only downside, that I see, is that my milk dried up and DD1 was only 18 months.  She continued to nurse and now I am tandem, so it seems to have worked out.  I am wanting the next 2 to be about the same spacing as well.

[mommathea]

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Edited by mommathea - 5/11/11 at 1:01pm

[karmab]

babies one and two are 24 mins apart (twins!).  then there is an 8 year gap before ds #3, then 2 years and 5 days later, dd (kid #4.)  now my youngest is 12 and my oldest two are almost 23 years old, and im expecting #5.  i can see advantages to having them close (you are in the groove, have all the stuff) and spread out (more undivided time with each, they can help out with younger sibs.) 

[cmoma]

I have 3. My oldest Ds#1 was 2yrs 5m when my second was born. When my third was born DD#2 was 3yrs 2m and DS#1 was 5.5yrs. Both times worked out just perfectly for us. Each of them being from my perspective ready for a sibling,and too to being an older sibling without much issue.  We are planning number 4 and looking at trying to conceive in the fall for a summer 2012 baby. Our youngest would be just turning 3.  so they would be:: just born, 3yrs, 6yrs, and 9yrs...born in 03', 06', '09 and '12  and in all 4 seasons :) yeah I have some weird math stuff going on in my brain :) Now I know where my son gets it from LOL!

Munchiesmom: I was anxious about how my oldest would react to the new baby, but only a little, he loved my belly, loved talking to his baby sister inside, kissed my belly goodnight even, he was so loving already... I knew he would love her on the outside too. I never felt like I didn't have enough love for them both or that he would be shortchanged, maybe a little but not really. Maybe if he was still a baby himself(under 18m) or if he was much older (4+yrs) I would have felt different.  I think spacing at least the first 2 around 3 years has many benefits to the family, but ultimately  it depends on your own child, you and your spouse.
 

[babycakes1]

I'm happy to hear the variety of experiences on this board. We conceived DS easily, but waited to TTC #2 til we were back on our feet, rebalanced and restored. I assumed it would be just as easy to create a second, and that I would have control over my child spacing. I had friends with DCs 1.5-2 year child spacing and it looked tortuous! I feel my relationship with DH couldn't have sustained the stress! 

But now... like someone said, I am grieving the loss of the dream of child spacing I had in mind. Every BFN cycle, I have to remind myself that it is fine: fine to have more child spacing, fine that the process is taking longer than I'd imagined, fine that DS doesn't have a sibling yet. I fear that as every month goes by, my DS and my hopeful 2nd will be less and less connected. But I have to remind myself that there are SO many other variables to sibling connection than age spacing. 

It's been a year and a half of trying for #2. Every month as my cycle ends, I get so sad. But I start back up again, patience renewed and hopeful optimism restored. It gets draining, though, the constant mental training I must engage in to keep from being saddened.

I definitely feel like I'd like that 2nd pregnancy already!!!!!

[Mosaic]

DD1 was just shy of 4 when DD2 came along after a year of TTC. DD1 was queen of the world, and we wanted #2 sooner so that she would learn that the universe doesn't revolve around her sooner rather than later, but that wasn't in our cards. (My brother is 4 years older than me, and he is almost STILL basically an "only child" who wishes for the "good ol' days" before I came along!)

As is, this couldn't have been more perfect. DD1 was old enough to get excited about her new sibling, and she loved her from the get-go without a second of jealousy! She's also more independent, so I can leave her coloring downstairs while I go change a diaper, etc.

Originally Posted by MunchiesMom As you experienced mamas went on to have your second and third children, did you know of go through a grieving process about loosing the relationship with your first child? Did you ever feel like you were shorting your only child by wanting additional children?

Not exactly. DD1 has always been crazy independent, so that I'm very aware of my limited time with her. In other words, she's going off into the world little by little and separating from me, even as I intentionally add 1-on-1 time in daily and try to hold onto her. But seeing how these girls look at each other, I know that the gift of a sibling outweighs any loss of mommy time she might feel.

[love4bob]

I'm odd too I guess! DD1 and DD2 are 19 months apart(planned), DD2 and DD3 are 14 months apart(unplanned), DD3 and new baby will be 19 months apart(planned). I love having them close. I never get out of the baby phase, so that is easy. I always have everything I need, so I save a lot of money. We are done having babies now though!
 

Originally Posted by elisheva 

Wow lots of planned and unplanned far-apart spacing! I guess I'm in the minority. My first two are 20.5 months apart. #2 and #3 are 14 months apart. #3 and #4 will be, Gd willing, 19 months apart. Then we're done :)

Now that dd (aka #3) is walking, I'm feeling overwhelmed. We didn't plan the 14 month age gap but in retrospect it's fine. Things will be super crazy for the next 2+ years until everyone is a little more self-sufficient and I'll have to learn to ask for help (and learn to understand whether people are actually offering 'help' and not just 'offering'...but that's another post). I'm hoping if I can keep it all together enough that they will end up best friends.

[fnpmama]

DS1 and DS2 are 12 months apart (unplanned).  Personally, I would advise against that close in age - and if you are nursing I think it would tough to get them that close in age. But I was unable to breastfeed without supplements and PPAF came at 8wks with my first.  DS1 was not even 4mths old when I got pregnant with DS2.  The pregnancy, and first year of having 2 under 2 was pretty tough - But I am a fulltime WOHM so that may have added to the stress.  Now that they are 2.5 and 1.5 it is getting easier, and they have become fast friends and mischeif makers.

We are planning when to TTC again and thinking that a 3 year age gap between DS2 and #3, would be good.  And it seems from the rest of this thread that many of you also prefer the 3 year age gap.  I would love to have them both out of dipes before the next one comes, but we shall see what life has in store for us.