Ugh. Now what?

[keeksmom]

Burnt out on unschooling. Dd is 13, only child, never been to school, we have always unschooled.

Unschooling has always been a joy with her, she is a great kid and I have always been grateful for the free life we have together. Like most homeschoolers I have had my times of doubt here and there, but mostly have been sure and steady on the unschooling path.

This year I have had doubts to the point of sinking into depression. Is it just time for something else? I feel like our life is boring - hers AND mine. I can't seem to provide a stimulating, interesting life for her plus do the daily stuff to maintain home, chores, meals, animals etc. I want to do more with my own life yet I feel like could do so much more to facilitate dd's education... stuff I'm NOT doing... where is the time for any of it?

Discipline and schedule are very hard for me, we became unschoolers not so much for philosophical reasons but more out of my lack of discipline.

 

She is not pushed in any way by our unschooling life, and she is the type that thrives on a challenge. I feel like school (the right school) would be exciting and stimulating for her.

It's not that she doesn't have stuff to do - she does theater, art, swim team, singing, homeschool group. But I don't feel she is intellectually challenged and I don't know how to give her that. I am a great mom but I am NOT a great teacher. I don't know how to push her intellectually.

I have thought lately about having her try out a local small charter school (there is no way we would send her to our public middle school) but I just found out today they have no space. So, school is not an option this year, and that was what I had begun to count on as the next step.

Maybe I only imagine that school would be great for her, but I was starting to get excited about the possibility of having my OWN life, not feeling BAD all the time about our "lazy" life, and seeing her stimulated and challenged. So I guess the only answer is I have to totally change everything about myself, get disciplined, get up earlier and make more out of the day. I don't feel up to it. Ugh. Now what?

[Dar]

I think you should work on doing the cool stuff in your own life that you want to do. Really, I think that would be the absolute best thing you could do for your daughter right now. I think kids needs to see the adults in their lives seeking out challenges and doing and learning the things that make them happy. 

She sounds like she does a lot. I would guess that within the next couple of years she'll start to take on more challenges for herself, but that's really up to her.

[PGTlatte]

She may be ready for more than you can give her, but might be ready to take on some challenging academic type work on her own.  If she likes a challenge, and is wanting more, at her age, maybe she could take on some independent study that she drives herself ?  Maybe something like a course through an online academy, or maybe order one of the Intellego unit studies for her age group and she could really dig into it, take it beyond what they put in the file, and produce a paper or web project as a way to document her work ?  If she enjoys writing, she could make it an opportunity to learn how to write according to a style guide of her choosing, and writing a paper according to a style guide would be good practice for college.  She may even be able to find someone at a local community college to help her through the process and get the paper perfect...then she would have it to use as an example for any similar projects in the future. 

[Xerxella]

Forum crashing here..  But, I have to say, you sound a little bit depressed.  If you are (and of course, I don't know you or anything about you, so I may be way off here) than maybe that's affecting the whole family.  If you think you are, there's all sorts of treatment options available. 

If I'm way off base here, just ignore me....

[Piglet68]

I have to agree with Dar. Unschooling has not stood in the way of DH and I pursuing things in our lives that we wish to do. My kids don't expect me to come up with fun and creative things to do at home. I do take them to lots of fun activities and am supportive and encouraging of what they do at home, but I don't  feel like I have to spend most of my time working with them on what they are doing. You sound burnt out and like you are looking for something to do with your own life that will move you and make you feel challenged or something. And if you can find such a thing then I think it would be a great thing to model for your daughter. What is your secret dream? Have you always wanted to learn art? Start a small business? Immerse yourself in history? Whatever it is I suggest you start carving out a bit of time in your week for yourself to devote to it. At age 13 surely you can leave her at home for a while at times? Oh, and sorry this is all flowing in one messy paragraph - having formatting issues with the new layout. <hugs!>

[UnschoolnMa]

Originally Posted by Dar 

I think you should work on doing the cool stuff in your own life that you want to do. Really, I think that would be the absolute best thing you could do for your daughter right now. I think kids needs to see the adults in their lives seeking out challenges and doing and learning the things that make them happy. 

She sounds like she does a lot. I would guess that within the next couple of years she'll start to take on more challenges for herself, but that's really up to her.

I couldn't agree more with Dar up there. As the mom in an unschooling family I am not only a mother of two unschoolers, I am an unschooler myself! I tried to follow my own interests as they came about and to let my kids see that. Also, just talking about whatever interests you can even be helpful. Have you two ever discussed what she likes about theatre, swimming, or any of the other things she participates in? Sometimes it can be really useful just to remember why you enjoy doing what you're doing, and how it might relate to other things. I sometimes used to ask my kids, "What would you choose to do today if it was the last day you had?" It led to some fun stuff. Bottom line for me would be to talk about it. Do a new thing as it comes up, and most of all, just try to enjoy the everyday things.

Peace, Un