Help! Almost 2 yr old's fear of housework!

[monkeysmommy]

If I so much as put a crayon in the box, my dd gets *very* upset. She will either want to get in her highchair and have me buckle her in, or she will want to get in her crib and get under the covers and hide. And the whole time she will whimper, whine, cry, or if she is having a particularly bad day, she will scream. And I am not talking about polishing the silverware here. I am talking the basics. Picking up toys. Dishes. Things I *have* to do, like fixing lunch. I have tried engaging her in the activity or having her "help" in some way, but it just has not worked. I have also tried setting her up with a fun activity first, but she seems to see it as some sort of trick, and gets even more upset. It helps a *little* if I really try to spend quality time with her playing and cuddling first, before I gently tell her I am now going to do x, but it is still so hard to hear her whimpering and crying for me. If I try to put a toy away that is not being played with, she cries like I am taking it away from her forever. So my solution has been to reserve most tasks for her naptime, but 3 days a week, I am working in the afternoon, so she naps at a sitter's house. The two days my dh is home, we are doing fun things as a family. I really don't want to spend these days cleaning the house! Or to make dh do it! Plus, i really want my daughter to learn that this is what people do- they clean and they take care of their home. When they are done with something, they put it away. My mom never engaged me in any household tasks, she always did everything herself, and she always cleaned up after me, and as a result I have had to really work to overcome a serious slobbishness problem. I really don't want my daughter to end up this way!

I used to sling her while i did things around the house, but she weighs 32 pounds now and my back just can't take it. Please oh please give me your words of wisdom! Tell me it will pass or something. (As I type this, *every* dish we own is piled up on the counter.)

Thanks mamas

[scoutycat]

I can commiserate a little - dd is scared of the vacuum. The way we're handling it is to have one of us (usually dh) do the vacuuming, and me take care of her - she can go see the vacuum if she wants, she can watch from afar, she can go to a different room - whatever turns her on. But the vacuuming gets done, and she has to deal with it to a degree. When she does freak out about stuff being put away, we have a little song we sing and she gets the idea. We learned the song at playgroup, so I can't really take credit for it - there were lots of other kids modeling the 'right' behaviour and after she saw kids putting stuff away a few times she started doing it when she heard the song, too. Other than that, if I need to do something, I pick the best moment I can, set her up so she's totally comfortable, tell her what I'm going to do, and ignore any crying, whining, etc. (unless it's real crying, like for hurt, tired, etc.) while I do it. I check in with her regularily, though, and make sure she doesn't need anything like juice or whatever.

[Piglet68]

Wow. That's a tough one.

Do you think it's the actual activity you are doing? Or just the fact that you are focussing on something other than her?

My DD also went through a phase where she was afraid of the vaccuum. But I just put her in my sling in the back carry position and she loved it.

I don't have too many other suggestions, since DD thinks putting away toys and crayons is a game (we hurl them at the box and see if we can "score", lol).

If it's an attention thing, you may want to look deeper into the problem and attack it from a different angle.