Saving vs Sanity

[chely7425]

I am currently living with my parents while my husband is deployed.... and it is driving me insane.  I love my family but not having our own space is not at all fun and I just... can't wait to go home.  However, being here is allowing us to pay off all our CC debt (about 12K) and save enough to buy the new furniture and stuff that we will need when we go home. I am having SUCH a hard time convincing myself that it is worth it tho... and wishing I could just figure out a way to go home sooner! Someone tell me saving and paying off debt is worth this aggravation...

[mbhf]

For me, staying with family (with children) is NOT worth it. I tried to stay with my parents for a few months while my dh was TDY in another state. It was awful. My parents and I got along well at the time but my mother is really very toxic so take that into consideration. But even if my mom was fine (which I felt like she was at the time) it would not be an option for me any more even if I only had one or two kids. Just not having my own space does not work for me as an adult. Before I had children it wasn't as bad. My ILs (who I have known since I was a young child and are more like parents to me than my own, we get along very well and I visit them without DH frequently) invited us to stay with them during this deployment because I had a baby mid-way through. We could have saved a ton of money if we had, close to $20,000 over 6 months. But nope, not worth it. They have plenty of room for us, work regular jobs, they spend their weekends in another state so I would have had plenty of time alone in the house with the kids and would have left while I was in labor if I had requested, but nope. Still not worth it!

Obviously you have your own situation, with different people and a different set up and less children. If you were not able to support yourself without incurring more debt, I would say it is worth it to stay. But if it is really something you have to convince yourself to do you might think again. Do you parents live in a lower cost of living area than you? Have you thought about maybe renting a small apartment in their area as an alternative? You may be able to do that as a compromise if it makes financial sense to do so. You could spend plenty of time at your parents house if you want and have the support they offer while still saving some money (possibly) and having your own place to go when you want.

[chely7425]

No, they live in a MUCH higher cost of living area than our duty station (western wa vs middle of nowhere louisiana) so renting a place up here wouldn't make any sense. It is just... me and my dh parent very differently than my parents did and their house isn't a good layout for little kids and it is so hard for me to do anything like laundry or making lunch because of the layout. They have been really awesome having us here, they turned their office into a baby proofed playroom and stuff, its just.. I want my own space! Right now the plan is to stay here till the start of June (like June 7th) but I don't know if I can deal with it for that long...

[stanleymama]

I think it is worth it, though it can be very challenging.  We rent one of my mil's homes.  She is hear a third of the time, and though we get along, she is VERY hard to live with.  But, we are paying off debt so much faster and will be able to buy someday.  I say give yourself some time to find some routine and re-evaluate your situation.  You could stay till the cc's are paid off and then move back.  Just sacrifice the new furniture, which will probably get pretty beat up with by the boys.  Our boys aren't even that hyper and they have roughed up so much of our stuff.  Just a thought.  I know how crazy you feel.

[chely7425]

It isn't that we want to buy new stuff just because... we don't have the stuff. We don't have a couch, or a washer and dryer. Which we need when I move back down there... I think you are right to give it more time... They are just driving me insane!!!

[Imogen]

Please try and stick with the paying off the debt.  I understand your frustrations well, but clearing that off will enable you to move forwards in a more positive way (even though it doesn't feel like it at the moment).

Debt is such a pain and I sure wish that I didn't have any either.  My 2011 is devoted to clearing off my debts too!

Peace

[chely7425]

As long as I can stick with our plan of staying here until June I can pay off all our debt by February (with taxes) and then have 4 months to save hardcore before moving home.  Once I am home I will be there 4 or 5 months before DH comes home and I can save more while home too, just not nearly as much.

[stanleymama]

Ah gotcha.  We don't have much either.  I can see how you need to save up for stuff.  I say come and vent to us here :D to get encouragement.  Being free from the debt will feel soooo good!!!

[chely7425]

I am really trying to focus on how nice it will feel not to have any debt but there are days where I just... don't care!  Even though I know I should...

[treeoflife3]

I'm wondering why I thought coming home this early was a good idea too.  I forgot my mom still treats me like a kid, including giving me a chore list and referring to me as one of the children.  She lumps me into the same child group as kiddo.  wtf is that?

[mnnice]

Maybe you should try to think of some new outings to go on?  If I was sharing a space with my parents I would need to have to a pretty large repetiore of "away" places (parks, hiking, the library) to get out.  Joining a gym with childcare included could make your situation more workable and would be cheaper than trying to rent another place anywhere else. 

[velochic]

Originally Posted by chely7425 

I am currently living with my parents while my husband is deployed.... and it is driving me insane.  I love my family but not having our own space is not at all fun and I just... can't wait to go home.  However, being here is allowing us to pay off all our CC debt (about 12K) and save enough to buy the new furniture and stuff that we will need when we go home. I am having SUCH a hard time convincing myself that it is worth it tho... and wishing I could just figure out a way to go home sooner! Someone tell me saving and paying off debt is worth this aggravation...

Two generations living together is very unusual in the US, and for that reason, most people are not prepared to deal with this situation.  I am on the other side of the equation from you, so perhaps my perspective could help. 

My mother lives with us because she could no longer support herself.  Can I just say that it helps immensely if you can try to see it from both sides.  It's hard on you, but your parents no longer have their home to themselves (this has been HUGE for me).  It's a hard adjustment for everyone to live together again.  I won't get into it much more than that, but will say that I do know the struggles associated.  We've been working hard to make life easier in our own home, but it is HARD having your home invaded.  Likewise, it's hard to give up independence when you're moving in.  Seeing it 360 instead of just from your own side has helped *me*. (And I saw it from the other side as a child, as my grandfather lived with us when I was a teen.)

I'm assuming that your parents are not charging rent, all of the utilities you use, all of the food you eat etc. otherwise it would make no sense that you are living with them because it wouldn't be financially beneficial.  They are taking up some slack and sacrificing.  Take a moment to reflect that while it's difficult for you, they are spending money that they're no long obligated to spend so that you can save, and perhaps you can appreciate what they are giving up.  If both side appreciate each other, it makes life so much easier.  In the end you are doing what's best for your family.  Good luck! 

[chely7425]

Thanks guys :) The idea of joining a gym with childcare is an awesome idea! I really hadn't thought of that but I will look around and see if I can find one thats a reasonable price and has childcare and doesn't have a super long committment :) I can totally see it from my parents side and that is part of the reason being here bugs me so much.. I feel bad!! I feel bad that my parents are helping me and that we are taking their space up. Even though my parents and siblings are excited to get to spend time with the kids it is none of our first choice... I am helping a little bit with bills, mostly with a bit extra for food.