Blended Families...How do they work exactly???? *vent..I guess*

[aynekal]

*Sigh* Unsure of where to begin..so...here goes...Before my DH became my DH, we had a beautiful daughter together...our families wanted to control every single aspect of our parenting and eventually our relationship couldn't withstand the pressure...so we called it quits..  During the course of our breakup he had a son.  When we decided to give it another go, I was rather reluctant because of this, but I figured everything would work out in the end...after less than a year of reconnecting we decided to get married and move to DC, and aside from the unnecessarily dramatic tendencies of his son's mother everything has been WONDERFUL, better than expected.  But, now that DH and I are expecting another bundle of joy, I am concerned with how this is going to impact his son.  Any advice you ladies could provide would be MORE than appreciated.

Thanks

[VocalMinority]

I don't think the new baby will impact your step-son as much as his dad's choice to move away with his new wife.  ("New" from the kid's persective, even if you were actually in the picture before he was.)  How did he handle that?  If he didn't seem resentful, as though he was being relegated to second place, then he probably won't look at the new baby that way.  The situation does kind of suck, from his position, though.  

[SoulCakes]

I don't think there's quite enough information to give you good advice. How old was your DH's son when his parents split? How old was he when you guys got back together? How did he handle his parents' break-up and your marriage? Does he live with you in DC? How long have you lived there? How has he adjusted in general to all of this?

I guess what I'm trying to say is, if he's a year old and has no real idea of what's going on around him, that's a totally different answer than if he's seven, lived with both of his parents together most of his life, and then suddenly his dad's married to someone new, having a new baby, moving to DC and is barely a part of his life anymore. 

So give some details, and we'll supply you with advice.  :)

[aynekal]

Thanks for taking the time to respond...I really appreciate it, and my apologies for not providing enough info.  So here goes.....DH and his son's mother never really had a relationship.  It was a drunken one night stand that resulted in a baby, that resulted in her getting kicked out of her grandmother's house. DH obviously took her in, and they had a mutual arrangement that once she had the baby, she would return to work, get on her feet, he would help her find a place and they would co-parent accordingly. When their son turned 8 months, she moved out. He and I decided to start "dating" again around the time his son turned 1.  When she found out that he and I were getting back together, she moved back home to TX with her mother and step-father (The beginning of all of the dramatic outburst). 

After the drama begin to subside, DH has legal custody/visitation and we see his son regularly.  His son is now almost 3.  His son and I have a very sweet relationship, I am the one who travels back and forth between TX, and DC to handle the exchanges.  It was something my DH was VERY adamant about, and something that I have grown to enjoy.  It gives us the chance to bond and get to know each other and it has worked out quite nicely. He was a very sweet child and such a joy to be around. He doesn't treat me badly or act as if he doesn't want me around. He doesn't have any issues at all if he sees his Dad and I being affectionate.  He and his step-sister play and get along as if they never had time away from each other.  I just feel bad for the little guy because he has had so much transition in his life and so close together, I just want him to still feel comfortable around us when the baby gets here...

[PoppyMama]

It sounds like he is doing pretty well with all of it.  I would just make a fuss over him becoming a big brother again and what a great big brother he is.  I think a lot of the problems happen from lines of distinction between full blood siblings and half and the half that doesn't live there feeling left out.  Like the bond is different.  We make no distinctions at all.  It's also important to set aside time for him and make sure not to get so caught up in the other kids that you let him slide to the side.  Showing interest and making his interests a priority some of the time is good.