Recess blues...

[Spirit_of_Fire]

My daughter is in SK (5.5 yrs old) and is doing well academically. Her teacher is very good and at our conference meeting we discussed her (and my) concern about my daughters social development/unease at school.

Last week my daughter came to me and said she felt like other kids would not play with her at recess. I asked her what made her think this and she explained to me the various situations that happened to lead her to believe this and how it made her feel sad. Eventually she said that she felt like no one would play with her again – and I am concerned that she’s feeling like this. She is normally a very confident girl. I don’t really know what to say to her – and I am so upset for her. I wish that I could just be there to hold and hug her, and to take her away so we can play together.

I did ask her to give her friends another chance and change her thinking to believe that maybe they will play with her some days, and not on other days and that it’s okay to find new friends. I think she understood this---but she sure looked sad when I dropped her off at school today.

I intend to talk to her teacher about it again, and to ask her to keep an eye on her after recesses. I just don’t’ know what else to say to her and thought maybe others have been in this situation or might have some thoughts to add?

Thanks for listening.. 

[K1329]

It's so hard when we can't be there to specifically see what is happening! But, it sounds like you have a good rapport with her teacher. I would meet with the teacher again and try to get a feel for what exactly is going on. Does she ever play with the other kids? Generally, is she doing okay socially? That sort of thing. If there are specific issues you find out about, you can try to give your daughter some ideas/tools to deal with them.

One idea comes to mind... if she mentions some of the girls by name could you try to set up a playdate outside of school with one of them?

My dd was "dumped" by her best friend in kindergarten. It took her awhile, but, she made new friends and now, in 2nd grade has a great little group of girls that she socializes with. I think it's often a bumpy road when they're learning to have, and to be, friends.

Let us know how she's doing.

[Spirit_of_Fire]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and support. My daughter has been back to school once since she talked about this, and she seems to be feeling okay. She had some of her usual friends play with her at recess.

I do believe that part of the problem is that we live in a rural area and I work full time and so I can't take her to play groups anymore. We have not yet lived in this area for a year and I am just getting to know some of the local families. When we went to a birthday party that she was invited to, it seemed like everyone was there!

I'll keep in touch and let you know how this goes for her and after I chat with her teacher. I am so glad she has a teacher so attentive to her social needs.

K