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How do you respond to comments-

post #1 of 20
Thread Starter 

I'm new here, so I'm not sure if you've discussed this  before or not, but here's my question:

How do you respond to people's comments when you go out and about with your multiples, or even if it's just family members, when they see you with your babies and all the comments are about how overwhelmed you must be?

Everyone who talks to me or stops over, says the same thing. I always get "OMG.....you must  be so overwhelmed."

I do have my hands full, but it's also almost a disservice to the babies to not mention how awesome this experience actually is when I've been sitting at home in full blown amazement. I feel sort of weird hitching onto that line of thought-you know lol?.

Though on "bad" days when I get this comment, It's tempting to burst into tears and tell a complete stranger about how I haven't slept in two days.

On good days, I  say stuff like "it's just hands down the coolest thing I've ever experienced" which is also little off since I get this weird impression that most people feel like a heel after I respond positively. It's like they realize they've said something that may have been negative to a new mom?

I need a good one liner so I don't get trapped. I realize people are only being kind and saying what they're expected to say, but I don't know what I'm "expected" to say back lol. I'm not feel particularly artistic at the moment, so a polite and warm response on the tip of my tongue would be nice to have in my back pocket.

Any thoughts?


Edited by *clementine* - 11/18/10 at 12:16pm
post #2 of 20
A catch-all that I usually go with is something that acknowledges their comment but is also positive, like "It's hard, but I love it," or "it's a challenge, but its worth it." Personally, I'm really noncommittal with randoms out and about. I tend to just smile and nod then get on my way quickly. I always accept compliments from strangers though! "Oh they're so cute, they look like little dolls!" *sigh and smile*
post #3 of 20

i usually just say: "the party never stops at my house!"

 

which is true orngtongue.gif

post #4 of 20

I got a lot of comments (still do, since baby #4!).  Usually I smile and say, "Yes, I am truly blessed!"

 

Occasionally, I have gotten some real nasty comments. "thank g** its not me!" "which one is the evil one?" etc.  I generally glare at them and say, "Thank G** it isn't you either!" 

 

I have wanted to print up a business size card to hand to people who say mean things. SOmething to the effect of: Congratulations!  You just won the BOOB of the day prize! You not only insulted me, but my children as well! 

post #5 of 20

HA!  I know exactly what you mean! 

 

I have boy-girl twins and another child 13 months older.  Ever since they were born, I am constantly hearing from strangers "Wow, you must have your hands full!!"  Those exact words, every time.  I just want to shout at them "Your comment is completely unoriginal!  But thanks for the observation."  :P  Instead I usually just smile and say "Yeah, thanks." or if I'm feeling snarky I tell them "Well, it keeps me out of trouble... idle hands, Devil's playground - ya know."  ;)

 

Good luck with everything!!

post #6 of 20
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdahlgrd View Post

I got a lot of comments (still do, since baby #4!).  Usually I smile and say, "Yes, I am truly blessed!"

 

Occasionally, I have gotten some real nasty comments. "thank g** its not me!" "which one is the evil one?" etc.  I generally glare at them and say, "Thank G** it isn't you either!" 

 

I have wanted to print up a business size card to hand to people who say mean things. SOmething to the effect of: Congratulations!  You just won the BOOB of the day prize! You not only insulted me, but my children as well! 


ROTFLMAO.gifI guess I'll tuck those replies in my other pocket-just  in case.

post #7 of 20

I get to hear just about every comment in the book when I go out with my crew.  "Three sets of twins?"  "Quads"  "Are they all yours?"  "You have your hands full!"  And then the super weird "Can I take a picture of them?"

 

I've learned a few tricks.  First, don't make eye contact.  This usually keeps people at a distance.  Second, smile and nod when possible.  Talking only opens the door for more questions.  Third, my catch-all response is "It's a crazy life but God gets me through it and we are blessed."  

 

P.S.- Avoid the mall like the plague.  ;)

post #8 of 20

Any time I get the "you must have your hands full" comment I respond with "every day." I usually try to smile.
As the boys get older and look less alike, I don't get it as often. I know people don't mean anything unfriendly by it, they just want to say something.

post #9 of 20

I'm glad I'm not the only one who hears "Boy, your hands are full" 10 times a day!  A twin mom I know responds to that comment with, "I'd rather have them be full than empty."  I kind of like that!

post #10 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by StacyAnn View Post

I'm glad I'm not the only one who hears "Boy, your hands are full" 10 times a day!  A twin mom I know responds to that comment with, "I'd rather have them be full than empty."  I kind of like that!



Oh Amen to that response.  As an infertile these negative comments upset me!  I've been doubly (triply with my DD) blessed after a decade of empty arms.  Why does our society have such a negative view of parenting?

post #11 of 20

I also got the "you sure do have your hands full" all the time. We were the first of our friends to have twins. I always used to say (still do really since I had my baby girl 27 months later) "you are welcome to come over and help out anytime" or the one that really shuts them up "Yes I do, isn't it great!" And to those people who think that having twins is a nightmare and tell me so my response is "Gd knows who to give the real blessings to". I know, a little mean, but there is only so much someone can take in one day. And yes, avoiding the mall with all three of them is something I avoid at all costs.

post #12 of 20

I'm a snarky one by nature so I usually say something snarky back. 

 

To "Are they ALL yours?" I look directly into the person's eyes and ask, "Who else would they belong to?" aka you are an idiot for asking such a dumb question. 

 

"Wow your hands are full." Again, another direct look and "Yes. Would you like to help me carry these groceries/bags/etc?"

 

"You're so brave for shopping with four kids..." "As opposed to staying home and eating dirt when my pantry is empty?"

post #13 of 20

"Your so brave!" Yep. Especially when they find out I have 4 boys. . . like I somehow picked what sex my kids were? But really they mean, "wow you are SOOOOOOOO CRAZY NOT TO HAVE YOUR TUBES TIED AFTER THE TWINS!" :lol

post #14 of 20

OMGoodness. I am so SO tired of "you sure have your hands full."  Makes me want to scream.  I know people don't mean anything by it, but really.

 

One I got a lot at first, but haven't for awhile, was people telling me they would pray for me - in the tone of voice you use if someone has announced they have a terminal illness.  I just don't get that.  Or, "better you than me."  "yes, apparently so." 

 

In response to "God bless you," another one I get a lot, I usually say, "yes, He has."  For some reason, that response seems to surprise people.

 

Or the woman who ARGUED with me about whether one of my babies was a boy, and whether they were the same age.  Yes, one is bigger.  Yes, she is wearing blue.  WOULD YOU LIKE TO CHANGE HER DIAPER AND SEE HER BIRTH CERTIFICATE?  (Is what I should have said...)

 

One of my friends posted this video on her facebook page today.  Had me LOL for real.

 

On a better note, I will never EVER forget the sweet elderly woman who looked at my babies in their Moby wrap at Costco, and then smiled at me and said, "God sure does make nice things, doesn't He?"  That, and some other very sweet comments, will live in my heart to offset the other morons.  :)

post #15 of 20

I usually just hold my hands up and then palms out and say "no, they look rather empty to me." If I am having a bad day (I have been very sad lately) I will just tear up and say "not full enough, two of my little boys died." They usually just say they are sorry, but then I say I am so lucky and blessed to have the children I do have, I just wish I had all my children with me."

post #16 of 20

I often replied with whatever was on my mind (I don't feel the compulsion to lie or be fakey for people who don't give a darn about me nor I them, like random grocery store people).  Sometimes it was positive, sometimes negative.  I've never felt obligated to be Twin Mom Ambassador--if the universe wanted me to shoot rainbows out my butt at people about it, then it shouldn't have sent me TTTS.

 

However, if I was feeling charitable, I'd educate people.  "I know you're just trying to be friendly, but it's actually really exhausting and sometimes offensive/upsetting to say that to a mom of twins."  "Most people would find it really rude if a stranger asked them about their sex life or birth experience, luckily for you I don't offend easily."  "A lot of twin moms face a very stressful pregnancy and a lot of things to work through--when you say something negative like <insert idiotic comment here>, it can really knock us down even if we don't show it.  I know you're just trying to connect, but please say positive stuff to other twin moms."

 

Believe it or not, I got far more blushes, stammered apologies, ect. from the "Did you know that can be really hard to hear after a long day?" type of honest responses than trying to zing people back.  I'd like to hope that it also stays in the mind of people and makes them think twice about being obnoxious later, or might even just make them shut up, but...people being people, I'm not holding my breath on that one.  :)

post #17 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dena View Post

OMGoodness. I am so SO tired of "you sure have your hands full."  Makes me want to scream.  I know people don't mean anything by it, but really.

 

One I got a lot at first, but haven't for awhile, was people telling me they would pray for me - in the tone of voice you use if someone has announced they have a terminal illness.  I just don't get that.  Or, "better you than me."  "yes, apparently so." 

 

In response to "God bless you," another one I get a lot, I usually say, "yes, He has."  For some reason, that response seems to surprise people.

 

Or the woman who ARGUED with me about whether one of my babies was a boy, and whether they were the same age.  Yes, one is bigger.  Yes, she is wearing blue.  WOULD YOU LIKE TO CHANGE HER DIAPER AND SEE HER BIRTH CERTIFICATE?  (Is what I should have said...)

 

One of my friends posted this video on her facebook page today.  Had me LOL for real.

 

On a better note, I will never EVER forget the sweet elderly woman who looked at my babies in their Moby wrap at Costco, and then smiled at me and said, "God sure does make nice things, doesn't He?"  That, and some other very sweet comments, will live in my heart to offset the other morons.  :)

 

Re:  the part about one is bigger.

My DH told me to say this next time (and I am soooo ready to use it). 

"Yes, they are twins, and yes, he is bigger.  Actually by 3 months.  That's how they do it now.  When one baby is ready, they take one out, and sew you up until the other is ready."ROTFLMAO.gif

post #18 of 20

This video is awesome:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tT-lgB_HGEE

 

I have this conversation with random strangers several times a day ROTFLMAO.gif

post #19 of 20

Thank you from the bottom of my MoM heart for sharing that video.  I laughed, cried, and laughed some more.  Thank you, thank you.

post #20 of 20

Oh my! That video is really funny!

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