ook. I've been needing to write this for like..a year. OK, i'm 30, grew up catholic. turned away in high school. got married, had 3 kids with my husband (unplanned). When my first son started school we went with a catholic school. my husband decided to do RCIA. we got married in the church, started going to mass again, etc. OK. so before we could get married (again) we had to do counsiling with the priest. It was then i realized the big birth control issue. I told my husband that I really didn't mind if we never had sex again, because i couldn't do any more kids at the moment. I've been at home for 7 years. I'm not happy, per se. I do it well, but i don't like it very much. i want to go back to school, so that we can have 2 salaries...because being poor is....hard. (poor me.) No really, we can't send all the kids to catholic school and have a house and a car on my husband's income. we don't have health insurance...i'm stressed out a lot..my husband works many hours... plus i have very little support....anyway.......so we got married and i prayed that my heart would change and that i would be open to more children. in the mean time every one i know is like.......do not have more kids. are you crazy??????????????? don't let the church tell you what to do, etc. even catholics--my own family. even my midwife was pusing for a vas. so my husband and i could just "be happy". so...i'm like......hum...we used condoms for awhile, but i felt horrible about it. so, i read 3 books on NFP and thought we could do it. well, a few months into it--we were very conservative--i am pregnant. I had just got into nursing school and was all set to go......my family and many friends think i m an IDIOT. no one is even acting like i am pregnant.....ANYWAY......i'm really wondering if i should even be catholic at this point. i believe that contraception is evil. i see the logic. i just don't know what to do. can i go to mass, use condoms, not take communion? is this terrible? i REALLY don't care if i ever have sex again. i haven't wanted to for years. but it totally .messes my marriage up when i express this. NEED advice.....please.