Why is it so terrible to "vacation-wean?"

[sarahsmiles]

Background -- I weaned DD at 21 or so months. We had gone through the HORROR of nightweaning around 18 months, with no real improvement in her sleep. Afterwards, I had been doing the don't offer, don't refuse thing during the day (I work days, so mostly mornings and evenings) but that made little difference in her desire to nurse. I had been preparing her for a few days saying "Mama's milk is going away." So I simply told her "Mama's milk is gone," which, after the nightmare of engorgement at a professional conference in Florida in the summer (imagine!) it was.

We had a few rough days, but nothing like nightweaning. Flash forward two weeks and she'd completely forgotten about it.

Now, DS will be 18 months when I next go to a conference. Again, he nurses mostly mornings, when I return home, and ALL NIGHT. My original plan had been to use the time after Thanksgiving to nightwean, but it is so terrible for everyone in the entire family. So I'm wondering if I should just bite the bullet and go "all-in."

I know many people think it's too young to wean entirely, but setting aside that issue (because honestly I'm ready to be done) why is gently preparing a child for the "going-away" and then just doing it such a horrible way to wean? Everything I've read suggests this approach will scar your child and ruin your bond, and I just didn't see it. DS will be younger (and less verbal) than DD was, but he's still capable of understanding that I'm going away and so's "na-na," but that I'll be coming back soon (and "na-na" won't.)

[lifeguard]

I think it probably has more to do with individual temperament & how it is handled more than anything. I went away for 2 weeks this summer when ds was 20 months. He was FINE. It went very well. We did pick up nursing again when I returned but that was initiated by me - I think if I had not offered again it might not have even come up.

[LizzieRed]

I agree, some kids can handle this sort of thing and some probably can't.  You know your baby best and probably have a gut feeling that he would be OK with it and are (possibly) looking for some external approval.  Every child is different, so weaning will be different also.

Go with your instinct...and good luck!

[JudiAU]

I think some kids can handle it and some can't. I wouldn't personally but my sister usually weaned the kids this way.

Personally, though, I pity the person who cares for your child when you go away. Sounds miserable for both of them.