Getting my eight year old to sleep alone in his bed.

[OceanDoula]

I am needing some gentle suggestions on how to get my cosleeping eight year old son to sleep in his own bed by himself all night. At the moment he has to fall asleep in my bed then I carry him to his bed when he is in a deep sleep. If he wakes in the middle of the night I go to him and lay with him until he falls asleep again, sometimes I can leave his bed and return to my own but more often than not I am with him for the remainder of the night. He has coslept with me since he was born but we're running out of room in our bed as he has grown into a big boy, any suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you

[fuzzylogic]

Tell him he is too big for your bed, he needs his own bed now and he must sleep in it?

Truthfully, this isn't going to be easy, since it has gone on way too long.....but basically, tell him what needs to happen, elicit his suggestions as to how to make his bed spiffier, and then enforce the rule.  Be prepared for some sleepless nights.......

[kawa kamuri]

Originally Posted by fuzzylogic 

Tell him he is too big for your bed, he needs his own bed now and he must sleep in it?

Truthfully, this isn't going to be easy, since it has gone on way too long.....but basically, tell him what needs to happen, elicit his suggestions as to how to make his bed spiffier, and then enforce the rule.  Be prepared for some sleepless nights.......

I'm the kind of mom who would go this route as well. I hope you get some suggestions that are helpful to your family and some good rest in the near future.  

[Alyantavid]

I agree with the pp's.  Talk to him, tell him what you need, see what he needs.  For both of my kids, we transitioned by me laying down in their beds.  During the night, they'd either come to me or I'd go to them.  It did take some time, but they know they can always come into our bed or call to us and I think that helps alot.

[EmilyG]

What my mom did with me as I got too big for my parents bed, is have me sleep next to their bed on the floor in a sleeping bag.  Honestly the hard floor never bothered me as a kid, I'd rather sleep on the floor next to them, then in my own bed at that age.  Can you start him in his own bed, but if he wakes in the night have the sleeping bag ready on your floor and tell him thats where he'll sleep if he comes in?  

[Gucci&Granola]

Hello OP.  I get the impression from your post that your son is never falling asleep on his own and that you are with him when he goes to bed initially and if he wakes up you are there to get him back to sleep.  At some point there will need to be the realization on his part that he is capable of falling asleep without you there.  In terms of making the transition gently you might want to try similar steps to what is recommended for night-weaning.  Start out with a clear routine (ex: teeth brushed, story, and then snuggling for a bit).  If you already have a routine great, if not, implementing one is very important.  After a routine is established start leaving your son in his own bed in his own room when he is sleepy but not completely asleep.  He needs to start associating sleep with independence.  Asking for his suggestions is a great idea.  Maybe he would like to fall asleep to an audio book.  Maybe he needs a nightlight.  It is probably not going to be a completely smooth and painless process but consistency is key.  Good luck!

[Doodlebugsmom]

We have similar issues in our house. Dd is almost 9 and ds is 6. Some nights they lay with me in our bed and dh carries them into their beds later. (I get up and hang out downstairs with dh after they fall asleep.) Most nights they fall asleep in their own beds alone, but dd comes into our room every night no matter how she's fallen asleep. She doesn't know she's doing it, and is very surprised when she wakes up there. Most of the time dh and I don't even wake up when she comes in, so we're equally surprised to find her there. I figure that it certainly isn't going to last forever, and since it doesn't affect our sleep, we just allow it. If she does wake or disturb dh or me, one of us will go into her bed. So, we do play musical beds occasionally.

When the kids do fall asleep in their own beds, we do like a pp mentioned. Dh will sing them each one song and tickle their back while he does it. After that it's time to go to sleep. They also have the option of sleeping together if they feel scared. The do this on occasion.

You know what worked for me to stop going in my parents' bed when I was eight years old? My mom started paying me to stay in my room!

[OceanDoula]

Thanks everyone for your suggestions. Last night was a better night (hope I'm not jinxing myself). He fell asleep in his bed and stayed there all night although, I did have to go to him in the middle of the night although, I am hoping that once he gets used to falling asleep on his own that will become less of a problem. I think that persistance will be the key to our success.

[D_McG]

When you go to him in the night... soothe him with your voice but don't lie with him.  At some point I sat in the chair in my son (then 3)'s room.  At 8 I would think he'd be excited to have some nighttime independance.  I'd talk to him and be firm in your expectations!

[OceanDoula]

My big boy has been falling asleep in his own bed and staying there for almost a week now, Yay! He still calls for me in the middle of the night and on some nights I've had to go to him and others all I've had to do is call back to him that I'm right across the hall and he goes right back to sleep.

We have always had a bed time routine that consisted of bath, brushing teeth, a chapter or two of a book and some cuddles but to his routine I've let him watch a 30 minute quiet show (his suggestion) on my iphone and when it's over he goes right to sleep.

I sure hope this continues.

[Kallie]

Glad it's going well. I think it's great that you've put so much effort into meeting his nighttime needs over the years and that you're helping his transition to sleeping independently so lovingly. My little one is not yet two so I find it really useful hearing about people's experiences with older children.