People taking pictures of yor kids.

[MamitaM]

I don't like it! He's my son and I don't feel comfortable with my friends taking his picture just b/c they think he's cute. Does anyone else have this issue and what have you done about it?

For me it's a friend of mine and the gf of a good friend of mine who do it.

My friend and I are taking a break from the friendship right now b/c she wasn't being respectful of me when I asked her nicely then told her that I wasn't ready yet to have others hold and kiss my son,she told me it wasn't normal for me to feel that way. Last time she was here though as soon as I went to the bathroom she ran to my son,got in his little face and started to snap away!

Then my good friend (who we call Uncle) his gf who I don't know very well at all is always taking a picture of him. I don't know why she does this. She doesn't ask me either. I'd gone into get the crib with my friend (we were picking it up) and I came back and there she was sitting in the back seat with him taking pictures with her cell phone. I didn't mind her being in the back seat at all,but why does she need to take his picture?

I'm a little afraid to say anything b/c they may say I'm weird,but I know I'm not.

[lach]

I think that the ease of picture taking these days means that people for some reason feel the need to take pcitures of every single little thing that they enjoy.  Back in the days of film, where every picture cost money, people only took pictures of things that they really wanted to treasure.  I think most people usually didn't even have a camera on them... pretty much the only time my parents took the camera out was birthday parties and vacations.  But now that cameras are in every cell phone, and decent digital cameras are the size of a credit card and fit into your pocket, most people have a camera of some sorts on them at all times.  And they feel natural taking a picture of any minor thing that they find interesting at any particular moment.  After all, if they don't care about it later they'll just delete it... it's not like film where you think "okay, do I want to use one of my 24 available pictures on this subject and have that picture forever?"

So, I don't think that people mean anything by it.

I will say that DH loves taking pictures and he takes a lot of pictures of other kids (that we know, obviously) because my kids love to look at them.  We have all of my photos on a screen saver, and turn it on when we need to distract the kids for a few minutes and the pictures randomly come up.  DD really loves to see photos of her little friends, and DS's face lights up when he sees a photo of someone that he recognizes.    I had to explain to him that it was maybe a little weird and might maybe make people uncomfortable for a guy to be taking a bunch of pictures of other kids.  He was pretty hurt at what I was hinting at, and I don't really blame him.  It kind of sucks that it's even something that occurs to me.

So I understand that it makes you feel uncomfortable, but I would bet that the reason the woman was taking pictures was just because she thought your kid was cute and she wanted to record that.  It's probably the sort of thing that she'll never look at those photos again.

[Super~Single~Mama]

It never really bothers me.   It doesn't bother me when people kiss and hug my son either (so long as HE is ok with it - he's 22mo now and expresses his dislike for things, and then people have to respect his boundaries).  Didn't bother me a bit when he was a baby baby though, as long as he wasn't crying.

[lookatreestar]

i have no clue, but i am with you. why would they take a pic of your baby? i don't want pics of friends kids unless our kids our playing together (ie older).

[waiting2bemommy]

the scenario in the OP, I would gently say that I do find that a bit overreacting, but I draw the line at sharing those pics on facebook, blogs, etc. It's not that I don't do it myself, but I want to have control over thos pics. Even though I know once they're posted any person can copy them before I delete them, io would hate to one day find a pic of my kid on the internet and realize that not only did I not TAKE the picture, I have no idea how it got online.

I don't have a problem with my friends holding my baby. I don't do kissing on the mouth and I would tell anyone to stop if they did that (I don't even let dd's dad kiiss her on the mouth) but I wouldn't be friends with someone I wasn't comfortable with holding my baby right in front of me or while I ran to the bathroom. Doesn't mean they would babysit for me but honestly, babies are cute! PEople want to interact with them because it is a feel-good experience.

OP I see this is your first baby and he's only 2 months old? I can understand why you are still feeling protective especially with the picture taking, and I don't blame you at all! But I wouldn't let that ruin afriendship. It sounds like there was no ill intent behind your friend's actions.

[choli]

What exactly bothers you about it? Do you think it is harmful to your child in some way?

[Neuromancer]

I was interested to read the OP because I've never asked any of my friends if they are okay with me taking pictures of their kids.  My closest friend did give me permission to post pictures of her daughter online in an "unprotected" way on my blog (though I'd never post a nude shot or anything like that).  I was sensitive to her possible desire for me not to do that (though it turns out she didn't care), but I didn't even consider that anyone close to me would mind if I took some photos for private use (meaning not to be put on the internet or in a magazine or anything like that).  I always share them with the parents.  I have one friend I know doesn't want her son's pictures on the internet, so I would never use my photos of him online.  However, she doesn't seem to mind me taking photos if they're just for "private, memory" use.

I do think babies are cute.  I take pictures of interesting things, cute things, beautiful things, weird things, memorable things -- babies, kids, adults, dogs, landscapes, flowers, trees, etc.  I don't take a lot of pictures of strangers' children, though, because it's awkward to ask permission from someone I don't know.

This said, if any one of my friends or coworkers said, "Hey, I'm uncomfortable with you taking pictures of my child," I would stop.  I might be a little hurt, only because I wouldn't understand their reasoning, but I do think it's their right to request that and it's my responsibility as a good friend to comply.

[mamatoablessing]

Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama 

It never really bothers me.   It doesn't bother me when people kiss and hug my son either (so long as HE is ok with it - he's 22mo now and expresses his dislike for things, and then people have to respect his boundaries).  Didn't bother me a bit when he was a baby baby though, as long as he wasn't crying.

Yep.  I think you are over-reacting.
 

[mamazee]

This wouldn't strike me as being a big deal.  And I love people loving on my kids, so long as my kids are OK with it at their current ages, but I liked them getting love from wherever when they were babies.

[MusicianDad]

I'm going to have to deviate from the majority (big surprise there) and say that yeah it is a problem. You wanna think my kids are cute? Go right ahead, you can even tell them and me what you think, but there is no reason for someone who is not a close family member to be taking pictures of just my kids. If they are too young to agree to have their picture taken by a person they don't know well, the default is no.

I tend to not be shy about personal boundaries, so I would ask them not to take the pictures. Politely at first, if they get rude about it then I will make it very clear that either they stop taking random pictures of my kids or they stop seeing me and my kids.

[*bejeweled*]

I believe that your DC does not only belong to you, he belongs to the world. He'll have his photo and image taken millions of times over the course of his lifetime. So yes, I believe you are overreacting.
Edited by *bejeweled* - 11/20/10 at 3:52pm

[LynnS6]

OK, I'd think it weird that friends (not family) were taking pictures of my kids. But, I'd probably let it go, especially since your baby is so young. Truth be told, all babies kind of look alike (sorry, can't find the "duck" smilie). Really, can you tell from the pictures below which is my dd and which is my ds? (I can, but only because I'm mom, and I know which one of my kids was the roly poly baby.)

I'd have a lot more trouble with it if people who weren't all that close to me were taking pictures of my kids now, because they're older and not with us 24/7 anymore. The older they get, the more I feel the need to protect their images. But I understand your unease. Why do they want pictures of your kids? Maybe you could ask what they plan on doing with them. Then you can say something like "I'm a paranoid new mom, but please don't post them online anywhere."

[Megan73]

Originally Posted by *bejeweled* 

I believe that your DC does not only belong to you, he belongs to the world.

I agree and I try to keep this in mind as I deal with a lot of parenting connundrums, like things my MIL does with my son that annoy me.

I'm NOT saying parents aren't the ultimate arbiters of what happens with our kids. But I do think that the people taking your babe's picture are showing their interest in him and trying to connect and that's a good thing. What's the harm, really?

[Jessnet]

Another vote for overreacting.

If you go out in public, your DC is going to have his picture taken at least million times. About half of those, you aren't even going to know it's happening. When other parents take fun pictures of their own kid at public places (zoos, parks, beach etc,) it is inevitable that at some point your kid is going to wonder into the background of lots of those shots.

People like looking at cute babies. The "awwww...sooo cute" factor, which motivates the picture taking, is what helps our species survive.

[MusicianDad]

Originally Posted by Jessnet 

Another vote for overreacting.

If you go out in public, your DC is going to have his picture taken at least million times. About half of those, you aren't even going to know it's happening. When other parents take fun pictures of their own kid at public places (zoos, parks, beach etc,) it is inevitable that at some point your kid is going to wonder into the background of lots of those shots.

People like looking at cute babies. The "awwww...sooo cute" factor, which motivates the picture taking, is what helps our species survive.

There is a difference between your kids just happen to be in the background and someone taking a picture specifically of your child. One is unavoidable, the other is rude at the very least.

[Jessnet]

Originally Posted by MusicianDad 

Originally Posted by Jessnet 

Another vote for overreacting.

If you go out in public, your DC is going to have his picture taken at least million times. About half of those, you aren't even going to know it's happening. When other parents take fun pictures of their own kid at public places (zoos, parks, beach etc,) it is inevitable that at some point your kid is going to wonder into the background of lots of those shots.

People like looking at cute babies. The "awwww...sooo cute" factor, which motivates the picture taking, is what helps our species survive.

There is a difference between your kids just happen to be in the background and someone taking a picture specifically of your child. One is unavoidable, the other is rude at the very least.

True,

but if you're objecting to strangers taking your kid's picture, how far is "in the background". I have great Halloween pictures of my boy elbow to elbow and even smushed in the crowd against little kids I don't know. Some honestly look like I was taking pictures of the other kids, and they were all so close, I guess technically I was.

Although, I would think a stranger taking just his picture would be a bit odd, and I would think it rude if they didn't ask. But not enough to freak out about it. And I would be quick to assign poor social skills as their problem over evil intentions.

But that wasn't the case with the OP. While it's true she didn't know the girlfriend very well, In her case it was the intimate partner of a relative. This is not a wacky stranger off the street. This is someone who has a stake ( mayhaps a small one) in the well-being of the child.

My mom massed e-mailed this recent mischievous pic of my boy around to her friends - most of whom I don't know. It didn't occur to me to be offended. I thought the picture was cute and showed of his newly acquired devilish skills. I guess I just don't understand why people are scared of pictures floating around.

[MamitaM]

Darn,I don't know how to multi quote yet! So many good posts.

I am a new first time mama and at first I did go through this thing where I didn't want people holding him,but it's passing. I'm having a really hard time right now with some bad childhood memories coming up and maybe that's why some of you think I'm over reacting. Some of things that these 2 women are doing are triggering them.

With my friend she is VERY high energy and I'm not at all and the way she gets right into my little mans face really bugs me! She started off in a bad way with me when she came to visit us in the hospital and BEGGED me to wake him up so she can hold him. She wouldn't take no for an answer and made me feel bad that I didn't want to wake him. It was so bad that later on that night I couldn't sleep and I had muscle spasms b/c I was so stressed about how I'd tell her not to come the next day and that she needs to take no for an answer the first time when I say something. She's like the freakn paparazi when she came over to my house the one time. He was about 2 weeks old and I'd told her before hand that I was feeling uneasy with people holding him and that if I say no she has to respect that...well she said sure ok she understood but then the she begged me and made me feel badly. I let her hold him for a few minutes and as soon as I left the room she ran to him and got right over him (he was in my bed) and started snapping pics. I felt really disrespected by her. It wasn't what she did but how she did it. If she just asked to take some pics I'd be ok with that,but she was here for about 1.5 hours and took pics most of that visit. We're actually on a "break" right now b/c I feel so disrespected by her and hate the way she begs me to hold him and another thing that she said unrelated to baby stuff.

With the girlfriend of my good friend..... that really bugs me! There is just something about her that I don't like at all,but can't put my finger on. I've only met her about 3 times so do not know her well at all. She's IN my sons face really close and anytime I turn my back she takes a pic. She's also pushing at me to have him call her Auntie. I feel like she's trying to force something on me and this is really causing some bad memories to surface for me. It's so bad that I dread seeing my friend again if he brings her along. I have anxiety attacks thinking about it and I find myself getting angry. I know I have to say something but not sure how to say it (about the auntie thing). With the picture thing I can just say something silly "like no paparazzi today please" and if she still takes a pic I can say no seriously no pics today please.

Yep,babies do look a lot alike at this age. I see some babies in my DDC and think wow,that looks like my son! It's a look or facial expression they all have that seems to be the same.

Jessnet

"I guess I just don't understand why people are scared of pictures floating around."

I don't want pictures of him n the net unless I know where they are posted in case anyone from my estranged family sees them and finds out where I am.  also don't want his bio father to see them. Luckily I know my friend won't be posting them anywhere. She only takes them to show her parents and her bf and stuff. I really wouldn't mind her taking pics if she asked me first and didn't take so many when she does come to visit. It's really annoying sitting and having a chat and coffee with someone while they snap your picture for 30 minutes.

[rachelsmama]

I have a couple of compulsive shutterbugs in my life, so I understand how annoying it can be.   I have no problem with one or two casual photos, but the people I'm thinking of are really pushy about it and would rather direct a photo-shoot than socialize.

[Jessnet]

I don't want pictures of him n the net unless I know where they are posted in case anyone from my estranged family sees them and finds out where I am.  also don't want his bio father to see them. Luckily I know my friend won't be posting them anywhere. She only takes them to show her parents and her bf and stuff. I really wouldn't mind her taking pics if she asked me first and didn't take so many when she does come to visit. It's really annoying sitting and having a chat and coffee with someone while they snap your picture for 30 minutes.

Well..... this is a good reason.

******

OP, it kind of sounds like from your post that perhaps it's not the act of taking a picture that is the real problem. It sounds like the real problem is feeling feeling powerless against people in your life who are disrespecting your parenting wishes. And currently this problem is manifesting over the act of picture taking.

If you can fix the underlying problem, the manifestation of it (picture taking, name designations, and whatever else will come along as you DC ages) won't be a big issue for you anymore.

[3xMama]

Originally Posted by Jessnet 

I don't want pictures of him n the net unless I know where they are posted in case anyone from my estranged family sees them and finds out where I am.  also don't want his bio father to see them. Luckily I know my friend won't be posting them anywhere. She only takes them to show her parents and her bf and stuff. I really wouldn't mind her taking pics if she asked me first and didn't take so many when she does come to visit. It's really annoying sitting and having a chat and coffee with someone while they snap your picture for 30 minutes.

Well..... this is a good reason.

******

OP, it kind of sounds like from your post that perhaps it's not the act of taking a picture that is the real problem. It sounds like the real problem is feeling feeling powerless against people in your life who are disrespecting your parenting wishes. And currently this problem is manifesting over the act of picture taking.

If you can fix the underlying problem, the manifestation of it (picture taking, name designations, and whatever else will come along as you DC ages) won't be a big issue for you anymore.

My initial reaction was I don't see the big deal. Babies are cute and that's all anyone is really saying by wanting to hold them and take pics. But knowing more information, I can see where you are coming from.

I think your friend does need to back off. There is no problem in you not wanting to wake your kid up at a day old so she can hold him. Begging you after you've said no just displays a lack of maturity on her part and I think you're doing the right thing in moving away from her. That said, I also think your emotional response later that night (panic attack, muscle spasms etc) was extreme. Anger and annoyance, definately! That leads me to say that fixing the underlying problem is what needs to happen to help you move past this. I'm not trying to say that you can control your reaction, it just concerns me that your reaction seems so extreme under the circumstances. I hope that makes sense!

Regarding your friend's SO, can you talk with him about it? It seems that you are so close to him that you could be able to nicely say, "please ask your SO to not take pics of my kid and to not be so in his face and to drop the "auntie" thing". If he knows your past enough, just tell him that its bringing up xyz unpleasant memories and you'd rather he not go into that with her, but please just tell her to tone it down. Even if he doesn't know your past you can say basically the same thing but not go into detail.

But again, I think the big thing here is the underlying reasons and dealing with that. Overcoming those issues is what is going to be the biggest thing in getting over this, IMO.