i am so so sorry for you loss. i too lost my baby recently. my 4.5 mo old son passed away ~2 mo ago while during his nap from SIDS. though the situations were different, the pain is still very much the same. pls know that i am here for you should you *ever* need to talk. you can find my baby's story, and my contact info in my blog (link in siggy). no one should have to bear this pain. and i'm so sorry that you now have to. sending you all the strength and love that i can. ((hugs))
How am I supposed to live without my daughter? - Page 4
Oh, no. I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. I bawled reading your story. I'm so, so sorry. I know there are no amount of words that will do. I can't imagine what all you're going through. My heart just aches for you and your family. I hope you have a lot of support and you're surrounded by lots of love. My thoughts are with you and yours.
i am sorry i have been in a depression. i don't get online. i don't do anything that is not a necessity.
i have been to the counselor once. i haven't been back. she told me during my visit that it was not my fault i am just young..
young? so had i been older it wouldn't have happened? i know she meant nothing by it but it still just hurt.
i never would have knew. blinds are something you grow up with and they're just a common household item.
yes you tie up the drawstrings when baby-proofing.. but the inner cord makes a perfect loop. and who would have ever imagined?
i thought i was a good mom. i am against hitting. i have researched all i can research i thought. i am not for circumcision.
i don't vaccinate.. i thought i was a good mom. now i see i wasn't as good as i thought..
4 months and 2 days since i seen her beautiful smile or heard that's sweet voice.
4 months since i buried my 18 month old babygirl.
i don't have a sense of peace. i thought i would feel she was in heaven and be comforted but i have no such feeling.
maybe it is me? but i look at her pictures and she seems so lost.
i still cry myself to sleep at night. when i wake up and it smacks me in the face..
this must be hell on earth? i spend every moment trying to deal with the pain.
work through it and deal with it so as to confront it and resolve it yet i feel no difference.
sure as the days pass i feel differently but the pain.. every time i cry is still so painful.
oh it hurts physically. i feel like i can honestly cry myself to death never in my life have i felt pain until know. your husband cheating.. losing relatives..
nothing even comes close to the pain i feel the grief.. it is crippling literately and is unimaginable.
i wouldn't wish it on anyone.. yet i can very easily pick another family in walmart taking their child for-granted
or even my own family and friends who seem to be unattached emotionally and say why not them?
why not a family who wouldn't miss their child so much.
i feel like i am losing my mind.
there are mornings i don't want to get up let alone be a mom.
but i always think how everything i do will effect my kids not just physically but emotionally as well as mentally..
so i try to be strong for my boys.. but it is hard i don't want to take them out to play when i cant take her.
it just seems no matter where i am there is always one too few..
and no one understands.. the one person who knows what i feel. who was there when i found her.
who created her with me. seems to be lost as i am and its as though we cant help eachother.
i still have alot of work to do.
but i wanted to reply to let you all know how much your words really do mean at a time i feel i have no one.
I am so very sorry for what you've gone through. No matter how old you are, accidents happen. You loved your daughter, when she died, it was an accident. Period. Do not blame yourself or let anyone blame you. You loved her and cared for her and an awful accident happened. (((((hugs))))
This exactly. Something like this could happen to the perfect mom (which there is no such thing). You loved your little girl, and I'm sure she knows that. My heart goes out to you!
Oh, mama, you are living every parent's nightmare. We all do our best to keep our children safe, but none of us is perfect. Most of the time our children are lucky and manage to survive despite the times we parents turn our backs, misjudge something, overlook a risk. And then occasionally situations like yours happen.
It will take many years, but it will get easier for you. Take it one day, one hour, one breath at a time, if needed. Hang in there. Find support and counseling. We are all sending you hugs!
yes to this.
I am so sorry for your loss. You are not a bad mom. Your daughter's death was an accident. When my youngest was about 6 months old I was cosleeping with him in a twin bed and I pulled the down comforter up too high because I was cold. I woke up during the night and found him completely under the covers and drenched in sweat. It was very difficult to wake him up and he normally woke up easily if I just moved in the bed. If I had slept longer he might've died. I was trying my best to be a good mom, but we all make mistakes. I doubt that's much comfort to you, but I wanted to say that no one is perfect and I know you loved your daughter and took good care of her while she was with you. Please go easy on yourself.
This didn't happen because you are young. This didn't happen because you are an imperfect mom. This was not your fault.
Please find someone to help you. From your writing I can see how lost you feel. You have lost yourself to grief. Please reach out and find someone who can help you find how to live with this burden you must now carry. Time will not make it lighter, it only makes you stronger. Your partner is struggling too. A skilled therapist can help you find a way to shoulder on side by side and allow your grief to pull you together instead of isolating you.
Please reach out to us here too. We are here for you. We hear you. We cry with you, and remember you and your sweet little girl in our prayers.
I'm speechless. I cannot imagine the pain you're in. I'm so so sorry for your loss.
This was not your fault. This was nothing to do with how much you love her, how old you are or how perfect a mother you are. It was an accident. There but for the grace of god go we, all of us. I am leaving this site now to take every blind in my house down, in sharing as you have you may have saved my childrens' lives. Thank you for that, from the bottom of my heart. I wish i could carry your pain for even a brief moment, it seems so horrifically unfair that you have to shoulder it yourself.
With much love.
I'm so very, very sorry for your loss. I will absolutely be praying for comfort and peace for you and the strength to make it through each day. I lost my son last year, and I ended up going to something called Griefshare. It was a really wonderful blessing that helped me start moving through the grieving process. I didn't read all of the posts, so I don't know if anyone already suggested it, but I just felt like I needed to let you know about it. They have a website (griefshare.org) where you can find meetings in your area. Big hugs to you and to your family. I will be thinking of you.