When you feel like you are drowning...

[Phoenix~Mama]

What do you do to keep your head in a happy place and above water?

I feel like I'm failing as a Mother, almost daily.  I can't seem to get anything done besides taking care of DS and DD.  If I lived in my own house, NOTHING would get cleaned right now.  And the sad part is, DD is going to preschool everyday for a few hours, and I still feel like I am drowning.

I have not been able to shower daily.  Part of it is my fault.  If I get done pumping and making bottles and cleaning up after DD and DS is still sleeping, I'm usually so exhausted by that point, I just collapse in a chair and fall asleep.

If I ask my Mom for help, I get told how she is already helping by taking DD to preschool and giving her breakfast and getting her dressed in the morning, while I feed DS and pump.  And how they are my kids and I need to figure it out, and how she did everything by herself with three of us, etc, etc...

I just can't figure out why I can't get it together?

And I have all this guilt, because I am DYING for some me time.  I have this terrible urge to get out of the house by myself and have some adult time with friends or something.  I feel like a shut in.  And I know it's typical to not get out much with a newborn, but STBX and I took DD everywhere with us.  She wasn't a preemie, and we felt exposure to germs outside, etc is a good thing.  So I went out a lot.  And when I got diagnosed with PPD with her, the therapist told me it was good to get out of the house by myself for a couple hours a week, and STBX made sure that happened.

Ironically, I feel I'd be better off with him right now because at least I know he'd be helping to feed DS and he'd make sure to make plates of things for me to eat before he went to work, etc.  He'd also make sure I'd get out for a couple hours a week by myself, even if it was just going to the store quick.  He'd also make sure to feed DS a few times so I could sleep!

I know the answer is not returning to STBX, because there are a billion other issues there... and the help wouldn't last... but AAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

I really feel like I'm drowning. 

[momtoS]

HUGS to you mama. I have felt like I am drowning, or like a hamster on a wheel. It is difficult when you just seem to be doing doing doing and nothing seems to get done.  I hope you can get out for some me time or could you have your mom watch your LO's while you soak in the tub?

HUGS

[Super~Single~Mama]

You are a GREAT mama!  I know it doesn't feel like it, but its true!

I know you don't want your ds to do overnights yet, but why not try it?  Ask your STBX if he can take both kiddos the next time, make plans with some friends, and go do something!!

Or, (and I don't know anything about preemies, so forgive me if this is bad advice!) take DS to a coffee shop one day while dd is in preschool, and wear him in a wrap or something that looks complicated to take him out of, and just sit somewhere with him?  Or to a park while he's in a wrap?  I know its getting colder out, but he'd be nice and warm snuggled up in a carrier.  IDK, you'll figure it out!! 

Just keep repeating, "This too shall pass.  This too shall pass."

[bananabee]

Been there, done that. Pumping is terribly time-consuming and cleaning all the little bottles is just as bad. Then you have to feed the baby, and by the time you're done, you get a bathroom break, maybe a snack, and then you do it all over again. I second the idea of heading to the park with baby in a wrap. Maybe you'll make some new mom friends there. You need a break and some support IRL. This too shall pass. Nobody else has ever had it all together with the arrival of a new baby. Especially a premie, because even if your baby is 2 mos old, when you adjust his age according to his due date, you're dealing with a younger baby. They are all-consuming. I hope you get some rest and some time out from under the scrutiny of unsympathetic eyes. 

[singin'intherain]

Oh, shame on your mom! Why can't she just help you without moralizing about it? When my kids were little,I had such hard times with four little ones, just like you're describing. I always dreamed about meeting a mama like me one day and watching her kids for her so she could breathe a little. Do you live near me? I'll totally fix you some meals and watch your kids so you can go out. You are a fabulous loving mama, fighting the good fight every day! Don't let it make you feel guilty whatever you do! Trust me, no-one in your position keeps it all together. Your mom can say she did it all if she wants to, but tell her I want to see the proof. Does she have a home video of her sweetly napping babies, clean house, neat attire, and dinner on the table? Sorry, I just hate it when people do that to Mamas who are giving everything they have. It's hard enough- don't let her bring you down. 

[Super~Single~Mama]

I just had one more thought - is your ds's medical condition such that you could get some FMLA leave??  He's your child, so if you need to miss work, FMLA may allow you to do it without losing your job.  I'm not sure if you'll get paid leave or not, but its definitely worth looking into since if you need more time at home, you need it, yk?

I also wanted to add that it doesn't have to be taken all at once - like, if you need FMLA for a dr's appt, but you go in to work later that day, the 2-3hours for the appt are still FMLA. 

Just wanted to throw that out there since I read a post by you a while back about running out of maternity leave.