How to parent after abdominal surgery

[thedenverduo]

Mods- not sure the best forum to put this in, so please move if necessary.

To make a long story short I had an emergency appendectomy on Friday.  I am anxious about how I'm going to handle ds during recovery and would love some advice or ideas.

My dh works a lot.  He is typically gone from 630am to 4pm and then again from 5pm to 9pm.  He is a very supportive guy and I know he will do anything to make things easier for me (he is actually cleaning the whole house right now on his only day off so that I don't have to worry about it during the week).  He has offered to prep for me each day setting out food or toys or setting up the house a certain way, but I don't really know what prep he could do to make my life easier.  I am still feeling pretty lousy.  I'm not allowed to drive while on pain meds either.

I am also not allowed to life more than 10 pounds for at least the next 10 days, up to 6 weeks depending on how I heal up.  My 15 mo ds is super attached and liked to be held/carried a lot, so that is going to be really hard.  I am worried about naps/bedtime by myself.  I am thinking that I can lay down, he can climb up on the bed and I can nurse him down.  The only issue with this is that I won't be able to sleep with him and I really need the extra sleep.  I am not comfortable bedsharing with him right now because my pain meds make me sleep really deeply and I just feel very out of it.  I am also worried that if we both fall asleep he will wake up and just go hang out by himself and I won't wake up until he hurts himself and starts screaming.  I wish there was a way to get him into a crib/pack and play without lifting him.

So basically I am going to be alone with ds all day this coming week while trying to recover from surgery and I won't be able to pick him up.  Any advice/ideas/btdt would be greatly appreciated.  Can you think of anything dh could do to help get us set up before he goes to work?

[K1329]

I had abdominal surgery while I had a 12 month old and a 3 year old, then again a year later. They both quickly understood that "mommy's tummy was sore" and that I couldn't pick them up. I did alot of sitting on the sofa and letting them come snuggle with me. I will say that if you have anyone who could come help, I'd try to set it up. I had alot of help from extended family and even hired a 13 yo "mother's helper" for awhile - she was great - entertained the kids, made lunch, etc. so I could get some rest.

To add a thought - your body only gets one chance to heal correctly. Don't make the mistake of pushing yourself. It's so tempting with little ones to do more than we should, but, it's not worth risking lasting issues.

Here's hoping for a quick recovery!

[swede]

wow - hugss! 

ARe you opposed to using the tv?  We don't watch much tv in our house - but this would be a time I might take advantage of technology.

Also, what about reading books?  Playing with playdough with a laptray?

[Storm Bride]

I don't have any specific advice, but you might want to browse around in Birth & Beyond. There are a few threads on c-section recovery, and some of them may have some tips on post-op parenting.

Are you able to nurse him to sleep beside something you can sleep on (ie. put a couch beside the bed for you)? If you could do that, he'd be less likely to be able to wake up and slip past you. I have no suggestions for coping with not being able to pick him up. It's so hard to cope with, and I've never really found a strategy that works, other than basically toughing it out.

[shayinme]

I had a double hernia (umbilical)  repair surgery this spring and was pretty much laid up for the full 6 weeks. It actually took a few months before I could pick up anything over 10lbs. It was hard because my girl even though she was 4 still liked to be picked up. In my case I knew I needed the surgery but actually put it off till it got to the point I couldn't anymore.

Best thing I can say is do not strain yourself, my parenting standards during that time had to go way down and eventually I ended up calling in help. Folks from my church brought meals and the associate pastor actually took my girl out on some playdates with her son who is the same age. I thought that after the first 10 days I would be functional and that really was not the case.

To be honest I would call in some support if you have it, like someone else said you have to give your body time to heal. I know I really pushed myself and in the end it caused me to take longer to heal. I agree with the other poster that you can sit up on the couch or maybe even in your bed and cuddle, read books and watch tv. If your child can maybe play independently while you watch that is also good. I know one day a mama friend brought her son over so my girl could play and I could just sit. Be careful whatever you do.

[crunchy_mommy]

I have a chronic illness which is definitely not the same as what you're facing now but maybe some of the things I do to make my life easier will help you as well...

Definitely have all meals & snacks prepared ahead of time by your DH. We cook double or triple portions of dinner so we have leftovers for lunch. DH makes something like muffins that we can have for breakfast all week, and we keep lots of handy snacks around.

Our bedroom is the 'safe room' as I like to call it. We have our mattress on the floor & everything in the room is about as toddler-safe as we can make it, and a bunch of DS's toys are in the corner. If you could set something like this up in your home (or maybe two beds pushed together?) and temporarily remove anything dangerous & make sure the door locks, that might make nap times a bit easier as well as give you a place to retreat to where you can just lay down & watch him from bed while he plays.

If/when you are able to get out of the house, find things like library story times or playgroups where you can (hopefully) just sit back & rest while your child is entertained. Sounds counterintuitive (and may be too much for you now) but I feel like it's way less taxing to take DS out. Maybe you could even take him to the store & ride around on one of those power carts.

Have the TV (even if you're anti-TV like I am!) & some DVDs (borrow from the library if necessary) and a huge stack of books to entertain him as well. A week or two of lots of mindless TV time won't cause him any long-term damage & hopefully will help you get the rest you need. Unfortunately my DS isn't interested in TV no matter how hard I tried to get him to watch it when I was deathly ill... in our case, youtube songs & games on the laptop will sometimes buy me 15 minutes to rest.

Call on all your friends & family to help you out. Maybe family member A can come do a few loads of laundry tomorrow & friend B can entertain DS in the afternoon. If you don't have friends or family nearby, see if you can hire a housecleaner and a nanny just for a week or two. Maybe even some moms in your tribal area would be willing to help out (I totally would if I lived near you!)

Wish I had more ideas for you but that's all I can think of at the moment. But definitely think of this as 'crisis mode' and make whatever allowances you need to get through this time... Even if it means DH picking up a few of those annoying battery-operated toys that you've previously sworn off... ;)

Wishing you speedy healing

[sunflower.mama]

I just want to offer my support and experience b/c I had an appendectomy 9 (!) years ago.  You get better quicker than you think.  The first couple of days were bad, but I think I was off pain meds by day 3.  I was working at an internship by day 9.  For me the lasting part was having been under general anesthethia and needing a nap every day for about a month.  So don't be surprised if it takes you a while to get back to full speed.  But also don't stress too much about the pain meds/driving/cosleeping bit because that will (hopefully!!!) be short lived.  I remember being so grateful for the modern medicine that saved my life.  Hang in there!!  If your 15 month old physically can't get into bed...can you use cat stairs for him to get up?  I certainly didn't have small children at that time.