I am in need of some advice. I am burnt out. I feel like I have nothing left to give and spend much of my day on the verge of tears, unmotivated and feeling guilty about all that I'm not. I am the stay at home mom of 3 kids. I have a girl who just turned 6, a boy almost 4 and an 18 month old girl. I homeschool my oldest. I feel like I have been "ON" since my dd2 was born. All of my kids are high energy, intense and not very good sleepers(the oldest two are pretty good now). I have worn my 18 month old on my back in the wrap for naps and night time nearly her whole life and have just now been working on getting her to sleep apart from me(this is very stressful and sometimes we both end up crying a lot). I don't mind her sleeping with me at night, it's just naptime that is hell. My oldest also has type 1 diabetes and needs a lot of care. I feel like I never get to turn "off" and the constentness of that has become too much. My husband is pretty helpful with getting household stuff caught up but he hasn't been home a lot lately and that will get worse if he is accepted into Paramedic school(we'll find out soon). He is also pretty needy and loves to play games and he needs sex a lot. We have his parents close by and they usually take my two oldest for a sleepover once a week which is nice. And I have just sarted bellydance class again for 1 hr once a week(my in laws come watch the kids for that time). I look after my neighbors kids(ages 6 and 10)4 times a week as well. It is a pain sometimes but my kids love to play with them and I wouldn't want to take that away.
Ok, that was really long. The bottom line is that I feel so irritable, cry too much and feel like I have nothing left. I love my kids with all my being but I worry my emotional state might be affecting them. I need to find a way to recover from this burned out state, to feel like I have resources to draw from when things get crazy instead of feeling like crumpling into a ball or screaming. I don't know how. I don't know what to let go of. How to make time to get myself in a better space. I have thought about putting my oldest back into school....I've thought about asking my husband to have the kids for 4 hrs out of the week so I can go and just be me somewhere. What do you think? I feel like if I don't make major changes I'm going to have a breakdown:(