Burnt out and I need help

[Lunaria]

Hi ladies,

I am in need of some advice. I am burnt out. I feel like I have nothing left to give and spend much of my day on the verge of tears, unmotivated and feeling guilty about all that I'm not. I am the stay at home mom of 3 kids. I have a girl who just turned 6, a boy almost 4 and an 18 month old girl. I homeschool my oldest. I feel like I have been "ON" since my dd2 was born. All of my kids are high energy, intense and not very good sleepers(the oldest two are pretty good now). I have worn my 18 month old on my back in the wrap for naps and night time nearly her whole life and have just now been working on getting her to sleep apart from me(this is very stressful and sometimes we both end up crying a lot). I don't mind her sleeping with me at night, it's just naptime that is hell. My oldest also has type 1 diabetes and needs a lot of care. I feel like I never get to turn "off" and the constentness of that has become too much. My husband is pretty helpful with getting household stuff caught up but he hasn't been home a lot lately and that will get worse if he is accepted into Paramedic school(we'll find out soon). He is also pretty needy and loves to play games and he needs sex a lot. We have his parents close by and they usually take my two oldest for a sleepover once a week which is nice. And I have just sarted bellydance class again for 1 hr once a week(my in laws come watch the kids for that time). I look after my neighbors kids(ages 6 and 10)4 times a week as well. It is a pain sometimes but my kids love to play with them and I wouldn't want to take that away.

Ok, that was really long. The bottom line is that I feel so irritable, cry too much and feel like I have nothing left. I love my kids with all my being but I worry my emotional state might be affecting them. I need to find a way to recover from this burned out state, to feel like I have resources to draw from when things get crazy instead of feeling like crumpling into a ball or screaming. I don't know how. I don't know what to let go of. How to make time to get myself in a better space. I have thought about putting my oldest back into school....I've thought about asking my husband to have the kids for 4 hrs out of the week so I can go and just be me somewhere. What do you think? I feel like if I don't make major changes I'm going to have a breakdown:(

Jenny

[applecider]

I think any change for you would be good.  Definitely getting out to just "be yourself" for 4 hours a week is helpful for me.  I have been and am where you are now and I feel like drastic changes are needed, for me anyway.  I was going to homeschool, but put my 5 yo in Kindergarten for my sanity.  Also, you could look into supplement, they really help me.  I take 4,000iu of vitamin D, a multi and fish oil daily.  Plus, I try to eat liver once or twice a week (HIGH in B12).  I hope any of that helps!  Hang in there, mama, and know that it will get better!

[Lunaria]

Thank you applecider for your support:) I had a big talk with dh last night about things. He agreed that I need to do things differently...but he wasn't supportive of putting dd back into school. I feel really torn about that one too. I know she'd do ok, she actually went to public kindy. I just hated how much time she spent at school and I felt like she wasn't too keen on learning. But I am only doing the basics with her, reading, math and a little of writing. Plus we read good books. But this isn't anything close to doing what I wanted to do with her. We have only done 2 science experiments and no art projects:( I feel like I can just handle the basics right now and feel bad for her and for my other two that also need my attention. I am going to ask my in-laws to take the kids for half the day every second week so me and dh can have time alone together. The weeks in between my dh has agreed to have the kids for 4 hrs so I can do whatever I want.

I never thought about taking supplements to help me too. I know that I haven't taken care of my health for some time now, I feel like I don't have the time or energy. But I need too, I'll look into the supplements you mentioned(though it would take serious will power to eat liver!). I have become very achy and have daily headaches, which isn't like me at all. I need to make my health a priority too...somehow.

Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone:)

Jenny

[HappyMommy2]

Could you watch the neighbor kids 2x/week instead of 4?

Do you have a YMCA near you?  The family membership is really cheap ($100/mo) .... less if you have a limited income.  The kids have a great time in the play area, up to TWO hours each day!

At first, you might just want to sit in the hot tub.  Once you start taking care of yourself and feeling better, you might walk the treadmill, ride the exercise bikes, or lift weights.

It is so wonderful for my kids - they love playing with the other kids.  And it is great for me-time too!!

[Ethelpea]

Regarding supplements, look into "The Mood Cure" or the "Diet Cure" by Julia Ross  (I like Diet Cure, but IIRC both of her books contain essentially the same info).  She has information that you could find extrememtly helpful.  I bought a very cheap copy of the "Diet Cure" recently on Abebooks dot com.