Weaned 4 year old missing 'ninny milk'

[capagrl]

My now 4 year old son (was 4 in June, so almost 4 1/2) weaned in March, so it's been about 8 months.  I *thought* the weaning process was really natural in that he had gradually reduced the daytime nursings and was pretty much nursing to go to sleep, once in the night, and again in the morning (nothing set in stone, though).  We bought him his own bed in March (in our room), and he quickly transitioned to sleeping there.  Then, about 2 months later, he started creeping back into our bed.  Now he's almost exclusively sleeping with us again.  I don't mind that so much, but I do mind that he's still trying to nurse.  I am pretty sure I was either completely or darn close to completely dried up in March, and now I am definitely done.  But the past few weeks (no other changes anywhere in life or the family), he has been sneaking his arm under my shirt to return to twiddling and has twice put his head under my shirt to try to nurse.  When he seems me naked, he breaks out in a huge grin and wants to hug and kiss the ninnies.  He's currently at the 100% in love with mom stage (except when he's mad at me) and frequently wants to "go on a date, just you and me and no dad and no brothers."  He also likes to kiss me passionately, especially if dad is around so he can make dad jealous (he says, "Hey, dad, I tissin' your wife!" as he lays one on me). 

To date, I have been pushing my own discomfort aside as I know a good deal of this is normal and will pass... but I wanted to touch base with other mommas who followed CLW to see if your 'big' kid returned to wanting to nurse long after having weaned.  Sometimes I think he weaned too soon, and now I'm second guessing the whole thing and trying to figure out if I pushed him or if he really wanted to (at the time, I was pretty sure I was following his lead, but now I'm wondering if he felt pressured to stop).

Any input??

Thanks!

[xelakann]

Since things went so well back in March, I really don't think he weaned too early. Sounds like it went well for both of you. I do agree that this is a phase, but I also feel it is really important that you establish some boundaries if you aren't uncomfortable with some of his behavior. Pushing your discomfort aside is not healthy and it is not behavior I'd want to model for my children.

[capagrl]

Thanks for the input, Kimberly.  You're right - and I am a 100% martyr in terms of setting aside my needs/wants/comforts for the sake of the kids.  I guess that isn't modeling anything positive for them... I will be thinking and praying on this one :)

[xelakann]

It is really hard to put ourselves first, especially when we are used to being in baby-mode. it is a really hard balancing act for too.

[D_McG]

I read something years ago about childhood being like moving around in a dark room feeling for the walls.  We really don't do ANYONE any favors when we skimp on boundaries for our kids. It really sounds like he's crying out for you to set some firm limits.  I'd start with the 'passionate kissing'... some firm words if he comments when you're naked (or stop being naked in front of him.  I did that when I weaned first).  Definitley no hugging/kissing your breasts (actually it's not clear if you allow that. Maybe you already have that covered). 

Lots of things are 'normal'.  Like it's normal when my 2 year old hauls off and hits me.  But I don't push my discomfort aside because that does her no favors.  She needs to learn how to conduct herself in a socially appropriate way.  We all do!

So to me this has nothing to do with weaning and everything to do with him really needing you to step up and show him where those walls are.  Because if you won't, who will, right?